Dick Summer Connection

Today’s podcast is about “Elite Wives.” That’s what a national magazine calls the wives of rich Wall Street guys who get a “Wife Bonus” for taking care of the kids and being good in bed. If that sounds crazy to you, it does to me too. Among other things, they’re substituting money for caring. Not a good swap. I’m certainly not against money, but its value has limits. One Summer a long time ago, my Lady Wonder Wench and I had hardly any money, but we were living in New York, and for her birthday  I took her for a whole week of free concerts in the park, and fourth of July fireworks, and we ate hot dogs and sodas from a different hot dog peddler every night. Even after all these years, she still says that was the best bunch of birthday presents she ever had.

Today’s podcast is about “Elite Wives.” There was an article in a national news magazine about rich guys wives who get paid what’s now called an annual “Wife Bonus” by their husbands. The amount of the bonus is based on how well she does with the kids, and how she “performs” in bed. Different strokes for different folks I guess, but I think it’s just weird to pay your wife a bonus for doing mother things for the kids. And there’s only one word to describe paying any woman for her performance in bed. But this national magazine claims that’s what the women they call “Elite Wives” get from their rich husbands? Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.We just like being together like these folks.

The “Man-Woman” game gets confusing in today’s podcast. I saw an article in the National Inquirer that said, “Women have had enough abuse. Sexual harassment suits to triple this year.” Then on the cover of the country’s biggest woman’s magazine was a headline that said, “The bad boys are  back, and don’t we love them.” As Big Louie always says, “Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.” There’s a story in my local paper about a guy by the name of John Stratton, whose girl left him, and when he found out she left him for another woman he got so upset that he put his head in his oven and turned on the gas. This is true. Evidently he forgot that he had natural gas which is non toxic. By the time he figured it out, he saw the stupidity of what he was doing, so he decided to relax, sit down, and light a cigarette…which of course blew him and his stove sky high.

Today’s podcast is about how it always amazes me how weird we get about man and woman things. I did the voiceover for a Wheaties TV commercial featuring Bruce Jenner…a long time ago.  With no pun intended, it took guts for him to do what he did. Or she did. I must admit when I heard about it I caught myself thinking, “Boy that’s weird.” But then I started thinking, “How weird must it have been for him to deal with something as basic as “Am I a man or a woman or something in between?” That kind of confusion is all over the Pimple People Press. I saw an article in the National Inquirer that said, “Women have had enough abuse. Sexual harassment suits to triple this year.” Then on the cover of the country’s biggest woman’s magazine was a headline that said, “The bad boys are  back, and don’t we love them.” As Big Louie always says, “Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.” 

I think most of the Louie Louie Generation guys and girls we’re talking about  in today’s podcast are pretty comfortable with guy and girl stuff. And that includes the beautiful female Louie Louie ladies who don’t mind being called a girl…as in “I’m going on a girl’s night out.” Louie Louie Generation guys like ladies who are good girls…but good girls who like being a little naughty once in a while. Girls who like to smile. You can slip smiles into places where words don’t fit…sometimes…even when you’re listening to a sermon in church.

Today’s podcast is about an actual headline in a legit news magazine that reads, “Wife Bonuses: The world of elite housewives”. It’s about rich guys wives who get paid what’s now called an annual “Wife Bonus” by their Wall Street type husbands. The amount of the bonus is based on things like how well she does with the kids applications to get into the best schools and of course her own performance in the bedroom.” That’s a quote.  “Huh, you’ve got to be kidding” as Big Louie says in my book “Staying Happy Healthy and Hot.” And I think that’s the only possible answer to the question “Am I supposed to give my wife a bonus…for taking care of our kids, and for her performance in bed? “Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.” Let me be absolutely clear on this, before we go any further. My Lady Wonder Wench and I are a team. Whatever money comes in goes into the team treasury. We talk over any big expenditures, but for the everyday expenses, one of us, usually her, just writes a check on whatever’s left in the money pot. What kind of a guy pays his wife for taking care of their kids? And what kind of wife takes payment for sex? That’s called being an Elite wife? Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.

Today’s podcast is about the “Elite.”You know about the “Elite”…the guys who keep their personal helicopters on their yachts, which are anchored on some of their private islands, and their his and hers personal jets ready at all times to take emergency trips to those Islands, or anywhere else that’s really exclusive. It’s some kind of different world from the one the rest of us live in. And I love watching it un-ravel in the James Bond movies. But I’m never going there. On purpose. I was sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room reading a national magazine called, “The Week” when a story called “Wife Bonuses: The world of elite housewives,” jumped off the page and grabbed me by the throat. It’s about rich guys wives who get paid what’s now calld an annual “Wife Bonus” by their Wall Street type husbands. The amount of the bonus is based on things like how well she does with the kids applications to get into the best schools and of course her own performance in the bedroom.” That’s a quote.  “Huh, you’ve got to be kidding” as Big Louie says in my book “Staying Happy Healthy and Hot.” As I told you, that’s Big Louie’s answer to any tough question…as in “If I died would you get married again?” “Was I your first sexual partner?” And I think that’s the only possible answer to the question “Am I supposed to give my wife a bonus…for taking care of our kids, and for her performance in bed? Huh? You’ve got to be kidding.

A few weeks ago in the podcast, I told you about the new Japanese love robot called the Artificial Companion…the new high tech non-inflatable doll with prominent lady parts and an artificial intelligence that makes her virtually friendly and artificially frisky. I understand that the male version is in the works. Virtual love and lust. The politically correct forces for good in the community have been teaching us for years that the Lord made us from the neck up, and the rest of us is mostly the tempter’s playground. I think they’re wrong. I think the Lord made all of us…our meat and our minds. And now the computer guys are hard at work trying to erase that line between our original beastly meat reality and their new artificial virtual reality. It will be neat and clean and safe.  No more rejection at the singles bar, no fear of getting pregnant, no arguments, no attitudes, no testosterone, no PMS, just artificial intelligence making artificial emotions. And for lots of people, that’s fine. But not for me. 

Big Louie, the star of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot was trying to be helpful last time when he gave guys a very smart all purpose answer to the three deadly questions all women ask. Repeat after me: “Huh, you’ve got to be kidding.” But Louie and I both feel that sometimes it’s dumb to be smart. Especially when you’re with somebody who was made to be loved more than to be understood. Some mis-undersanding is good because if you understand everything, what’s left to talk about? Remember, when you don’t say anything that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t mean anything by it. Talk is a four letter word meaning intercourse. You could call it aural sex. A U R A L. Talk that comes from all the way down inside you and finds a welcome all the way inside someone you love…animal to animal. Caring beast to caring beast. I think the best part of us is the animal part. The caring beast. That’s the part that makes the best music, and the best art, and the hottest love. Computers are getting better at almost everything else. So the animal in us, the caring beast in us is now our most human part. 

Today’s podcast includes one of my favorite rants Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making your testosterone boil over out the other ear, and you can get away with whatever you’re doing. 16^th century doctors prescribed chocolate as a treatment for sexually transmitted diseases. Many testosterone soaked guys have been accused of using chocolate to begin that transmission. If the answer is “Benign” what is the question. I’ll tell you in a minute. A new study indicates that what a mother eats affects her baby’s allergies. That means my Lady’s mother must have eaten cats. The new smart watch has an ap that tracks how many bites of food you eat a day. Actually we’re born with one of those. It’s called your butt. If the answer is “Benign” the question is, “What will you be after you be eight? ” Testosterone strikes again. Dick’s Details…they take your mind off your mind.

A quick program note, if you like these podcasts, please tell a couple of friends. Your friends might like them too, and I’d certainly appreciate it. Thanks.