Archive for February, 2015

Lady Wonder Wench Writes

Thursday, February 19th, 2015

She wrote this about Valentine’s Day:

He’s done it for Valentine’s Day , you know: flowers and the silliest (read loverly) light-up owl anyone ever saw. And he took me to the Fabulous Farmhouse restaurant. As for those of you still waiting for “the right moment” to do something silly and marvelous with someone special – get a move on!! 

If Randy weren’t one of my best buddies, I might post an attitude about this: 

I know it’s awfully hard to believe, but there are actually some things the Louie Louie Lad (His Own Bad Self, jr.) cannot do. Like bake. Well, let me put it this way – if he did bake something, I would recommend that no one actually try to eat it. He is very sweet – and the most generous guy in the world. But he cannot make gingerbread.

Edible gingerbread. However, Randy can. And did. For me. Because he heard me say how much I love gingerbread and how difficult it is to find in any bakery around here. S-I-G-H … So he made me some for Valentine’s Day. Hmmmm … obviously I adore the Lad. And Bernadette adores Randy. And Randy adores Bernie. And the Lad adores me. But . . . gingerbread,  s-i-g-h . . .Barb_Barn_LI

Dickie-Quickie

Thursday, February 19th, 2015

Why let yourself get so bored that you let your smart phone suck you into a virtual reality life? Here are some suggestions from this week’s podcasts: If you’re leading a comfortable middle class life, with occasional upgrades to business class, use your spare time to help the community. Join a volunteer fire department. Help out at a hospital. Donate your services for the temporary relief of underprivileged local nymphomaniacs.

Phones at the table

Dickie-Quickie

Wednesday, February 18th, 2015

Doing some research for the current podcast about Meat Reality vs Virtual Reality I found that there’s actually a psychological description for people whose smart phones are always connected. It’s simply called “The Always Connected Syndrome.” I think that’s exactly wrong. I think the more connected the phones become, the less connected the people are to the world around them. I think people get stuck in the virtual reality world because they’re bored with the meat reality world they live in.

'You won't believe where that old guy keeps pictures. In his wallet!'

Dickie-Quickie

Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

“Smart phones” are the subject of the current podcast…in a way. Actually, it’s about virtual reality vs meat reality. It’s dangerously easy to fall into the habit of swapping some kind of substitute for the real thing. I was complaining a while ago about the way lots of people pronounce the word February. It’s FebRUary. Not FebYOUary, and a Proud Podcast Person by the name of Jack said, “FebYouary is considered an acceptable alternative pronounciation.” I said, “Jack, that’s like saying bottle feeding is considered an acceptable alternative to breast feeding. Maybe by some, but not by me.” I like my “Meat” reality. That’s one of the benefits of being a member of the Louie Louie Generation. It’s called, “Been there, done that. I was weaned when I was a kid, but I regressed shortly after puberty, and I like the real thing. I also like the sound of a human voice. So friends are always welcome to call me on my dumb phone.

look at dat phone

Another Dickie-Quickie

Monday, February 16th, 2015

Here’s what this week’s podcast is about.

I phone kids

Dickie-Quickie

Monday, February 16th, 2015

The last line in the current podcast wasn’t planned. It just kind of popped out before I could strap it down. I guess it’s just as well, because it really is prowling around in the back of my head…maybe you’ve been thinking the same thing. “Hey, if all our smart phones get completely connected, they’re not going to need us.” Check out this picture of a “Pimple Person” hot double date. 

friends phones

Meet Your Meat Reality

Sunday, February 15th, 2015

 

I don’t have a smartphone. My Lady Wonder Wench and I have the last dumb phones in our zip code. All they do is make phone calls. I like the fact that other people’s smart phones can’t text me, because as I told you in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, I like sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, just entertaining myself with visions of sugar plums and my Lady Wonder Wench dancing in my head. Like most Louie Louie Generation guys who have real flesh and blood lives, I really don’t need to have my phone constantly connected to every other phone or computer in the world like the Pimple People and the Dreary Drones. I am not bored with my flesh and blood life. There’s obviously a lot to be said for the virtual reality world. And I go to the movies, I watch UTube stuff, & I love to read books. But I’m a steak and potatoes guy and there’s no way I’m going to let some virtual reality eat away at the flesh and blood life I love. I guess you could call this non-virtual reality my “Meat Reality.”

It’s dangerously easy to fall into that kind of trap…swapping some kind of substitute for the real thing. I was complaining a while ago about the way lots of people pronounce the word February. It’s FebRUary. Not FebYOUary, and a Proud Podcast Person by the name of Jack said, “FebYouary is considered an acceptable alternative pronounciation.” I said, “Jack, that’s like saying bottle feeding is considered an acceptable alternative to breast feeding. Maybe by some, but not by me.” I like my “Meat” reality. That’s one of the benefits of being a member of the Louie Louie Generation. It’s called, “Been there, done that.” I was weaned when I was a kid, but I regressed shortly after puberty, and I like it.” I also like the sound of a human voice. So friends are always welcome to call me on my dumb phone.

And I am not going anywhere near that thing they call the “Cloud.” I’m a pilot. I am instrument rated, so I am allowed to fly in clouds. But I don’t like flying in clouds. Clouds often contain ice and thunderstorms. I flew into a thunderstorm I didn’t know was there once, & I will not do it again. There are still dents in the wings of my little plane from the experience. And there are still lumps in the top of my head where it was banging against the cockpit ceiling. A friend of mine flew his small plane into a cloud containing ice once. Fortunately for him, he got out in time. I have a feeling that people will eventually hack into the computer “Cloud” with similar thunderstorm and ice results for every smart phone or computer that is trapped there.

There’s actually a psychological description for people who’s smart phones are always connected. It’s simply called “The Always Connected Syndrome.” I think that’s exactly wrong. I think the more connected the phones become, the less connected the people are to the world around them. I think people get stuck in the virtual reality world because they’re bored with the meat reality world they live in.

I could never understand how people can get bored. I was a therapist for a long time, and when I took a client’s history, I always asked people what they did for fun. You’d be amazed at how many people looked at me and said… “Oh…not much…there’s nothing much to do.” Now this was in New York City…not much to do? There’s always something happening in New York. Of course a lot of it is unsolved, but nothing to do? Come on. Actually, it is impossible to do nothing. Doing nothing is doing something. Think about it. If you’ve been working too hard, doing nothing can be very good for you. You’re always doing something. Even if it’s just being bored. And I’m not talking about watching stuff they say is “must see TV.” There is no such thing. Take a hint from TV itself. When you watch TV, you never see people on the shows who are watching TV. Some people even have a TVs in their bedrooms. That proves to me that some people will look at anything rather than each other. Come on, look at an actual person. You might enjoy yourself. If you can’t enjoy yourself, maybe you can enjoy the person you’re looking at. Especially if you’re in your bedroom. Bedrooms can be the funniest place in the house. The late, great, Joan Rivers claimed she caused her husband’s heart attack in the bedroom. She said in the middle of sex, she took the paper bag off her head, which made her husband drop the video camera, and he keeled over on the hired hooker, breaking her arm. She said it would have taken an hour to untie herself and call 911, but the Great Dane could dial. Joan Rivers was a treasure.

Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s messing up your meat reality, and you can just log off for a while.

The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that “The outer ears of no two humans are exactly alike, and this distinction could serve as a better means of identification than finger prints.” Now all we have to do is see to it that criminals always drag the sides of their heads all over the crime scene. If the answer is E.I.E.I.-Owwww! What is the question. Other smart guys in white lab coats tell us that if you hook up Jell-O to an EEG machine, it registers movement nearly indentical to the average human brain…which explains why some of those guys in Congress won election. Oh yeah, if the answer is “E.I.E.I.-Owww,” the question is “What did Old Mac Donald say when he was getting a vasectomy. A little vague, but as my friend the moil always says, “I think you get the point.” Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Why let yourself get so bored that you let your smart phone suck you into a virtual reality life. If you’re leading a comfortable middle class life, with occasional upgrades to business class, use your spare time to help the community. Join a volunteer fire department. Big Louie suggests that you help out at a hospital, or donate your services for the temporary relief of underprivileged nymphomaniacs. Big Louie is sometimes a trouble maker. But he’s never boring.

I have a story about a woman who got so tired and bored that she is getting lost in a very dangerous virtual imaginary world. It’s called Painting, Poetry And Passion. I think it asks a good question. Is it really true that the biggest risk is really never taking a risk? Or is that true only in some virtual reality game. I guess she’s going to find out.

Painting, Poetry And Passion is in the current podcast. It’s from my Night Connections 2 Spoken Word CD. If you like it you can just keep the podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, please check out the Night Connections icon on the home page. Also…if you like these podcasts and blogs I’d appreciate it if you’d tell a couple of friends. Always nice to have real friends in a real life.

I don’t know how anybody can be bored when there are so many problems to be solved and questions to be answered ? For example, what’s going on with our eyes ? Sometimes on a train I look directly at the back of the neck of the guy in front of me. Pretty soon, he’ll usually reach around and start scratching his neck. Sometimes he’ll actually look around. How come he knows I’ve been watching him? How come there’s always one wacky wheel on every super market shopping cart? What makes people push the elevator button two or three times ? How come there are no Thanksgiving carols ? Why do we laugh? Why do we cry ? How come when we really get into a laughing fit, we sometimes start to cry?

I think it’s mostly boredom with their flesh and blood lives that makes lots of people get so lost in the virtual reality on their smart phones. In my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie Louie Generation says, “You never have to get bored. If you’re a woman who’s waiting for the right guy to come along, great. But why not have some fun with the wrong guys while you’re waiting ? And guys, if deep inside you know you’re really boring, tell at least ten real life girls today that you’re so boring they should kiss you if they want to calm down. Hey, you know what I’m really thinking? I’m thinking that if all our smart phones get completely connected with each other, they’re not going to need us.

facebook update

Dickie-Quickie

Saturday, February 14th, 2015

If you guys think you understand your woman, do yourself a Valentine’s Day favor and check www.dicksummer.com/podcast 

woman-holding-mirror-on-grass-reflection

Dickie-Quickie

Friday, February 13th, 2015

Lots of ways to warm a special heart (among other physicalities) in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Sometimes “Love is blind.”bench sexy

 

Dickie-Quickie

Thursday, February 12th, 2015

Ok. As a public service for any of you guys who want to become Louie Louie Lads in time for Valentine’s Day but don’t know how take a  look at Chapter 47  in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. It explains what makes a Louie Louie Generation guy the bedmate of choice for so many supermodels and other beautiful and successful women. As I’ve told you it’s our gentlemanly charm, our poise and grace, and the fact that some of us have a little money. But in the book you’ll find the top twenty list of specific things you can do to help you in your struggle to achieve full-fledged Louie-Louie Guy-hood. As you might imagine, stuff like this picture is not on that list.

Screwing up romance