Dick Summer Connection

Nothing beats a multi-participant shower! www.dicksummer.com/podcast

I’ve been sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, watching ESPN. They just showed a video of New York Mets pitcher Matt Harvey on one of the rare times he got shelled in the third inning, and Terry Collins, the manager came out, took the ball, and sent him to the showers. Matt’s looking down, and walking sadly off the field. Pitchers and other professional athletes do not like to be sent to the showers. I have always loved taking a shower. I was only an amateur athlete. I was a pretty successful competitive swimmer in school…I did the butterfly. That’s a particularly painful kind of swimming stroke that requires you to pull your arms out of their sockets and up over your head over and over again for at least 100 yards. Although the whole competition was done in the water, I loved taking a shower after it. For one thing it kept the pool’s chlorine from eating me alive. And for another thing, I just loved taking a shower. I take a shower every night. I love taking showers. In fact I am hoping to take my favorite kind of shower tonight. I’ll tell you about that later. I always had to take a bath when I was a little kid. I wasn’t allowed to take a shower till I was around 7. It was kind of a rite of pre-puberty passage. I guess that’s why taking a shower…even now makes me feel like a grown up. I realize that’s an immature reaction, but I am an immature grown up, so it’s ok. Big Louie has an important warning about growing up in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. (www.dicksummer.com) He says, “You can’t help growing up, but you do NOT have to mature, so don’t. Maturity is a trap.” If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you realize that I have carefully followed Louie’s warning all my life.

I love taking a shower. The hot water and the suds kind of washes away a lot  more than just the sweat and grime. It gives you time to quiet down and listen to what your body is telling you. Usually when I listen to my body, it’s just laughing and pointing at various parts that have slipped or are simply hanging down. But last night, it made a point that really shocked me while it was laughing and pointing. It said, “Do you realize you’ve never washed your back?” And I suddenly realized that my body was right. I’ve never washed my back. I’ve scratched my back a lot, but I’ve never washed it. Never. Maybe that’s why I scratch it so often. Now, I am not an un-sanitary slob. I may be a slob, but if so I am one of your more sanitary slobs. So I got curious as to what effect that sanitary neglect might have had last night. So I grabbed one of my Lady Wonder Wench’s hand mirrors, and for the first time ever, I looked at my back. Incredible. The barber always holds up a mirror to show me the back of my head, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen all the way down my back. To be honest, I think it looks better than my front. If I could turn my head and my feet 180 degrees, I think I’d walk backward from now on.

Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making your back itch out the other ear, and your body can laugh and point for a few minutes. The Statue of Liberty’s fingernails weigh 100 pounds each. What a back scratch she could give. Bagpipes were invented in Iran. How appropriate. The first time I heard a bagpipe, I ran. In the 13^th Century, Europeans baptized their children with beer. As soon as the kid was born, they hopped right to it. If the answer is “His girlfriend lives 500 miles away,” what is the question? Washington D.C. has more psychiatrists per capita than any other city in the country. Why not? That’s where Congress is. The Pentagon in Washington uses 666 rolls of toilet paper a day. I will leave any comment on that to your imagination. If the answer is “His girlfriend lives 500 miles away” the question is “Why does he have such a tremendous sex drive.? With material like that it’s no wonder his girlfriend moved 500 miles away. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Don’t you just love taking a shower. There’s a verbal shower in the current podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast .  I bet you can even remember how it feels when you get the water temperature just right, and you step into the shower, and you can feel that warm water touch your hair, and warm your face and your neck, sinking in all warm and comfortable down your back and down your chest and your belly…getting your muscles all loose and comfortable… I’ll bet just thinking about it, you can feel the warm water slowly sliding down your backside and your hips, making those thigh muscles relax…sliding down the calves of your legs, down around your ankles, and your feet…go ahead…just stand there for a few minutes, and enjoy feeling all comfortable and relaxed. I love taking a shower. I bet you do too.

There’s a story called Nicholas And The Shower Lady in the current podcast (www.dicksummer.com/podcast ) Nicholas was a Russian computer programmer, who was invited to enjoy a shower for two with The Shower Lady. She recorded his voice with her little MP3 player just before he left for his apartment one night. For a long time after he disappeared for good, she listened to his recorded voice while she was taking her shower every night. She especially loved the sound when he said, do svidaniya. Do svidania is Russian. It means goodbye. But there’s a subtlety about the Russian word do svidania. It doesn’t just mean goodbye. It means goodbye I hope we’ll see each other again. And she says she does sometimes see his face in the shower steam, as she hears his voice say do svidania, and somenights she feels his voice kissing her…and holding her…and loving her.

The story is called “Nicholas And The Shower Lady.” It’s from my Night Connections 2 spoken word CD. If you like it, you can just keep this podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to dick summer.com, and check out the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page.

Nicholas was a lucky guy. A shower duet with a lady is one of life’s great pleasures. A girl once told me she wouldn’t take a shower with me if I were the last person on earth. I pointed out to her that if I were the last person on earth she wouldn’t be here to take a shower with me. She was not amused. I wanted to get her relaxed by making her laugh thinking maybe she’d change her mind. She was a teacher, so I said, “I kinda thought I was the teacher’s pet since you don’t have a dog.” She just looked at me in a really nasty silent tone of voice. To break the awful quiet, I said something that…looking back on it…should be the first chapter of the world’s shortest book which is called…”What Men Know About Women.” She was kind of a Dolly Parton look alike, so I said, “I bet you have to be very careful, because if you’re not careful, every time you turn around, you’ll wipe everything off the blackboard.” If she were a baseball manager, and I were a pitcher, right then it would have been time for me to hand her the ball, because it was quite clear that she was sending me to the shower, and she wasn’t coming with me.

I am hoping to have better luck with My Lady Wonder Wench tonight. I especially love taking showers when she is a participant. That has happened on several occasions in the past, but not often recently. Like many women my Lady has a high regard for sanitation. So I think I’ll tell her that after all these years I really need to have my back washed. Wish me luck.

You don’t know what you’ve got till you don’t have it any more. Last days of Summer. Get some Summer lovin’.

Still just a touch of Summer left. If you haven’t had your daily minimum adult requirement of  Summer loving, better get it in gear. I have a date tonight with my Lady Wonder Wench. We’re going to a nice restaurant, and a show. She’s lovely in her loose fitting, blue, cotton, Summer dress. She has been endlessly beautiful, warm and loving in my life, just like the Summer. And I must admit I think I look dashing in my gold lame loin cloth and purple ostrich feather. I hope they don’t spoil the effect at the restaurant by making me put on a jacket.

The Summer is going fast. If you haven’t had your share of feeling like a “Sunshine Superman” yet this year, check out this week’s podcast. It’s called, Your Summer Is About To Expire. 

Where the heck did this summer go ? The lazy, crazy, hazy days of Summer…with the under the boardwalk nights, watching the fireworks…and making some of our own…and the most beautiful girls in the world in their summer dresses…and walking in the sand. There’s still some time left, but as Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says: “Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.” Time to grab a share of the Summer love you’ve got coming to you…now…it’s going by pretty fast

Summer is a woman. Hot, sexy, wild, hazy, soft, flashy, and dangerous when wet. She can be full of stings and bites…but she’s also endlessly beautiful, satin smooth, fragrant, sweaty, and instantly changeable. But what a time to be alive. Summer has stars in her eyes, her song is thunder, and crickets and surf. She wears flowers and newly cut grass for her perfume. And her nights sweat with flexing, moonlit naked passion. Summer is such a time to be alive. And where the heck did this summer go ? The lazy, crazy, hazy days of Summer…with the under the boardwalk nights, watching the fireworks…and making some of our own…and the most beautiful girls in the world in their summer dresses…and walking in the sand. There’s still some time left, but as Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says: “Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.” Time to grab a share of the Summer love you’ve got coming to you…now…it’s going by pretty fast. www.dicksummer.com/podcast 

 “The Summer has inhaled, and held its breath too long,” is a line from a great old song. A line from another great song goes, “It’s a long, long time, from May to December. And the days grow short, as you reach September.” As Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie generation  says in this week’s podcast, “Enjoy what’s left…before your birthday suit needs a pressing, and the candles cost more than your birthday cake.”

Want a free download of my lovin touch spoken word CD ? It’s an “End of Summer” gift. This week only. See the blog just before this for details.  No strings attached. Just send me an email – dick@dicksummer.com

Summer is a woman. Hot, sexy, wild, hazy, soft, flashy, and dangerous when wet. She can be full of stings and bites…but she’s also endlessly beautiful, satin smooth, fragrant, sweaty, and instantly changeable. But what a time to be alive. Summer has stars in her eyes, her song is thunder, and crickets and surf. She wears flowers and newly cut grass for her perfume. And her nights sweat with flexing, moonlit naked passion. Summer is such a time to be alive. And where the heck did this summer go ? The lazy, crazy, hazy days of Summer…with the under the boardwalk nights, watching the fireworks…and making some of our own…and the most beautiful girls in the world in their summer dresses…and walking in the sand. There’s still some time left, but as Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says: “Life is like a giant roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.” Time to grab a share of the Summer love you’ve got coming to you…now…it’s going by pretty fast.

Summer is my woman. I’m about to miss her…terribly. Before you know it, the witches and hobgoblins will be running around, then the turkey trick or treaters, and soon enough, Jack Frost’s snow and ice will be nipping at your nose. In some small way  I want  to help you to remember Summer like a Summer lover too. So let me give you a “Where did the summer go” gift…for this week only. There’s a story in my lovin touch spoken word CD about Summer loving. It’s called, “Losers.” It’s also in the current podcast. So to help you remember Summer till the forsythia bloom again in the Spring, and the grass turns green, and the wind is warm in your hair, I’ll send you the lovin touch personal audio album via a download…free. No strings attached. Just drop me a note at Dick@DickSummer.com. Just this one week only…then it goes back to CD Baby and Amazon for distribution and sale. When you get the album, if you want to share it with friends, go ahead. But please don’t sell it. Also if you feel like it, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell Amazon.com what you think. But you don’t have to do that if you don’t have the time/inclination. No strings. Free gift.

The lovin touch CD is important to me. For a while, I told those stories on the radio. Many of them are based on things that happened with my Lady Wonder Wench. When you’re on the radio, you tell your stories, and then you forget them. But she didn’t forget them. We were many miles apart, but she could hear the radio station. So she listened and took them down in shorthand, then typed them out and saved them. That’s how the Random House lovin touch books were born. More importantly to me, they were the only connection we had to bridge the hundreds of miles between us. It’s a long story, some of which you’ll find in the last chapter in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. As you know, connections are two way streets and people are very busy. So these are very short stories…most of them are about two and a half minutes each…and if they’re doing what I hope they’ll do, you’ll want to supply your own conclusions to each of them. Again there are no strings to this “End of Summer” celebration gift. I’m not developing some list to bother you with endless-mindless emails in the future. I’m a lousy business man. I don’t keep lists. This is just a “Remember Summer” gift. If you want it, send me an email: Dick@DickSummer.com .

 “The Summer has inhaled, and held its breath too long,” is a line from a great old song. A line from another great song goes, “It’s a long, long time, from May to December. And the days grow short, as you reach September.” As Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie generation always says about this time of year, “Enjoy what’s left…before your birthday suit needs a pressing, and the candles cost more than your birthday cake.”

I have a date tonight with my Lady Wonder Wench. We’re going to a nice restaurant, and a show. She’s lovely in her loose fitting, blue, cotton, Summer dress. She has been endlessly beautiful, warm and loving in my life, just like the Summer. And I must admit I think I look dashing in my gold lame loin cloth and purple ostrich feather. I hope they don’t spoil the effect at the restaurant by making me put on a jacket.