Archive for April, 2014

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, April 30th, 2014

My Lady Wonder Wench is chastising me for comments made on this week’s podcast:

We wija’s, Oisk!” 

Now THAT makes sense, right? 

A long time ago (you can ask Mario just how long), the Lad and I and Mario and his then girl went to a so-called old timers’ baseball game at Shea Stadium. Talk about LOOOONNNGGGG! 

The other lady and I were sitting and chatting and just enjoying a lovely sunshiney day … when out of the blue, both the Louie Louie Lad and Mario sprang (well, got up) to their feet and began yelling at the tops of their lungs: “We wija’s, Oisk!” 

Now the Lad was wearing his Brooklyn jacket, which at that time was at least reasonably clean and unholed. So we knew there had to be some connection to Brooklyn, right? But … “Oisk”? 

Oh; as in Carl Erskin. Uh, huh … 

In spite of the well, craziness of that yell (which translates to “We’re with you, Oisk”, as in, we’re rooting for you (I think) … it was a marvelous thing to see all those slightly older fans yelling for the old-timers that way. 

That’s how old that Brooklyn jacket is. And although I have been often tempted to “lose” it in the trash, I just don’t quite dare.

Carl Erskin would come after me …

 

 

dickie-quickie

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

Like most Louie Louie Generation guys…I have been young for a very long time. There are some things I have learned over that long time. For example, you should watch a sunrise and a sunset at least once a year. You should over tip the waitress in the diner, because she needs the money even more than you do. You should sing in the shower. It helps clean your soul. You should use the good silver and dishes, especially with family. It doesn’t hurt to hold a door open, even for another guy. And what’s wrong with being the first to say hello. You learn stuff like that over the course of time. The current podcast is about Louie Louie kind of loving “For The Long Run.”

Dickie-Quickie

Monday, April 28th, 2014

Some people like to get married early in the morning so if things don’t work out, they can get a divorce before the end of the business day at 5 oclock. This week’s podcast is about the other kind of people. 

Dickie-Quickie

Sunday, April 27th, 2014

This week’s podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast should clear up why guys like to wear clothes that are “broken in.” I don’t know why women can’t seem to understand that.

For The Long Run

Saturday, April 26th, 2014

I just got a slap on the side of the head reminder that I have been young for a very long time. I have a jacket that says Brooklyn across the front. I like the jacket partly because I’ve had it for a very long time. My Lady Wonder Wench doesn’t like the jacket, partly because I’ve had it for a very long time…also it has a couple of holes that I like to tell people are bullet holes, and a rip under the left arm that I like to claim is from a knife fight. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, but she puts up with it because she understands that I like wearing clothes that are thoroughly broken in. Clothes that have character. Clothes that help you make up stories.

When I’m wearing my Brooklyn jacket, besides my story about the bullet holes and knife fights, I sometimes tell people that when you buy your lady a pair of nylons in Brooklyn, they always ask you for your head size. I say, “We put six locks on our doors in Brooklyn…6 locks all in a row…but we only lock every other one…because we figure that no matter how long somebody tries to pick the locks, he’s always going to be locking three. I tell people that sometimes things get so tough, the Statue of Liberty puts both hands up in the air.

I love to tell stories. But last night, my Brooklyn jacket kind of told me a story all by itself. And it wasn’t a make believe story. It was real, and it knocked me down. My Lady and I were leaving a restaurant, and the young Pimple Person princess kid at the cash register saw my jacket, and she said, “Oh…the Dodgers huh ?” Now there’s no Louie Louie Generation guy who wouldn’t have a smart answer to that. So I said, “Yeah…they’re just on a long road trip to L.A.” And the Pimple Princess just said, “Have a nice day” and went into the back room…probably to stick another nail through her tongue. What a slap on the side of the head. I suddenly realized that I actually saw the Dodgers play in Brooklyn…all those wonderful years ago. My dad one day took me to Ebbets Field…through the lobby with the upside down ceiling…up the stairs…and down a long dark corridor…and all of a sudden there…all the way down on the sunlit field…there was Jackie, and Campy, and the Duke. And standing next to me was…dad…holding my little kid hand…and smiling down at me…like my own personal God. I have been young for a very long time.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   Why do we know that Malta must have a cow ?

2-   Why are female Moon Moths so frustrated ?

3-   What happens when you stop licking a frog ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Like most Louie Louie Generation guys…I have been young for a very long time. There are some things I have learned over that long time. For example, you should watch a sunrise and a sunset at least once a year. You should over tip the waitress in the diner, because she needs the money even more than you do. You should sing in the shower. It helps clean your soul. You should use the good silver and dishes, especially with family. It doesn’t hurt to hold a door open, even for another guy. And what’s wrong with being the first to say hello. You learn stuff like that over the course of time. And time does fly.

That makes us all time fliers…and most of us are always trying to take control of our own trip. Some trips are a little longer than others, and they’re a little harder to keep under control when you’ve been young for a long time. But the fact that I can remember the Beatles, and Vietnam, and sneakers that we didn’t call running shoes, doesn’t mean that I like to discuss history when I’m with my Lady in the middle of the night. And by the way, my Lady also remembers black and white TV, John Kennedy, and landing on the moon…and in the middle of the night, over the years, she has become very good at turning my blood to sweat. And she looks like a bunch of roses looking up from her place in my arms. We’ve both had a good long run, at being young.

I remember very well the shock that hit me that night so long ago when I first realized that I’d never be able to stop loving her. I realized that if I ever left her it would be just like turning off the radio. No matter how quiet it would be without the sound, I’d always know the station was there.

I wrote about it in the story called For The Long Run. It’s in the Bedtime Stories Personal Audio CD. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

I love stories. Here’s a true story about being young for a long time. In 1967 a Louie Louie Generation guy by the name of Walter Murphy was in the army in Vietnam. He had a premonition that he was going to die. He gave a buddy by the name of Robert Bruno a picture of his girl and a ring…and asked him to give her the ring if he didn’t make it. He didn’t. His buddy was badly hurt but he got home alive. The only thing Robert Bruno knew about Walter Murphy’s girl was that she lived somewhere in California. A little while ago, Bruno was talking about it to a newspaper man named Bob Greene. Green published the story and the picture, and hit pay dirt. Murphy’s family saw the story and contacted Greene and told him the girl’s name was Dorothy Hughes. Bruno tracked her down in Texas. She had never married.

If this were a storybook story, Dorothy and Buono would have fallen in love and lived happily ever after. But this isn’t a storybook story. It’s real. Like the one that unfolded in my head because of my old beaten up Brooklyn jacket. It’s real. And in real life, Dorothy just told Bruno “Thank you.” She said, “Walter Murphy has been on my mind every day and every night for all these years. Yes, I certainly want his ring. I want to wear it for the rest of my life.”

And so, after all this time…for this whole long run of time…Robert Buono gave Dorothy Hughes, Walter Murphy’s ring, and a hug. He got something out of it too. He finally put Vietnam behind him.

I like being a Louie Louie Generation guy…with an old, beaten up jacket that says Brooklyn on it…and a Louie Louie Lady who puts up with it because she understands that broken in isn’t the same as broken down. I know very well that she’s the main reason  I’ve been young for such a long time.   

Dickie-Quickie

Saturday, April 26th, 2014

The complete explanation as to why men act the way we do is in the current podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast We are not responsible for many of the things women blame on us. Football, channel changers, war…stuff like that. It’s in our very chromosomes.

Dickie-Quickie

Friday, April 25th, 2014

I am easily confused by some commercials, although I do commercials for a living. One commercial that confuses me is the one that’s supposed to help some guy by the name of Ed. That’s his name. ED. He has a girl friend by the name of Alice. In this commercial, Ed goes to see Alice, hoping for an evening of romance, but Ed has some kind of problem, and so Ed and Alice spend the rest of the evening in separate bath tubs. I have finally figured out the answer, and  I will explain in the current podcast, that his problem has to do with his soft “C” (sounds like an S) “X” & “Y”.

Wonder Wench Writes

Thursday, April 24th, 2014

Lady W.W. is referring to some things I probably shouldn’t have said in this week’s podcast:

P E E P S !!!! I got PEEPS for Easter … oh, sigh, yum …My very own Louie Louie Lad got me some ‘cause he knows what a sucker I am for puffy yellow chickies. And our Eric’s lady “Junior” got me so many different kinds it’ll take me a year to eat ‘em all. Fortunate for me that Eric married Brenda (“Junior”; I’ll explain sometime); I don’t know where she finds all of them – and I don’t care so long as I can eat them…

As for the “fact” that guys can’t “help it” because of testosterone – give me a break, boys. LOONG before that term was discovered and named and used as a panacea for every ill conceived by man – FOR MAN – we with the more highly evolved voices – and intellect, I might add – knew exactly what was causing men to be – whatever it is you all are. And for some crazy, even hugely obscure reason, we go along with that definition because … it’s better than having to explain to our parents why we live with “him” …

And, no, I do not share well …

Dickie-Quickie

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014

It is useless for those of you with generally higher voices and considerably more evolved personalities to excoriate those of us who are just guys for being the way we can’t help being. It’s not our fault. It’s in our chromosomes. Big Louie explains in this week’s podcast.

Dickie-Quickie

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014

Hey, why is the guy on the TV commercial smearing testosterone under his arms. How stupid can this guy be? That’s not where testosterone goes…under your arms. (Big Louie says I’ve got to stop saying how stupid can people be, because lots of those people seem to be taking that as a challenge.)

Then this commercial goes on to say that you need a doctor’s prescription to get testosterone. Testosterone therefore, is a controlled substance. Like heroin. Obviously, every guy has testosterone. So does that mean if a guy doesn’t carry a doctor’s prescription around he’s in big trouble ? It’s not a guy’s fault that we have testosterone. I think nature put it there so we don’t get headaches at personally critical romantic times. Women don’t have it, which must be why they often get headaches. Especially at personally critical romantic times.

We consider this Testosterone turmoil in some detail in the current podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast