Dick Summer Connection

I’m sending Kenny and anyone who needs a copy of the Louie Louie Nightlight Password a copy of the original recording. (Attached) For those of you who are scratching your heads wondering about this, memorizing the password is a good idea. Any time one of the BUG (big ugly guys) is giving you a hard time, just look him in the eye and sing the Password. He’ll back away quickly.

One Hen Password

We now have genuine medical proof that just drooling over a well endowed or hunky specimen of your sexual preference is good for your heart. That’s because it actually raises your blood pressure. Which you have to do to lower your blood pressure. I know that sounds strange, but that’s what people with genuine MDs as opposed to the Internet kind tell us. We can actually cut down exercising by extended and sincere drooling. I will explain all this in Sunday’s podcast. 

So…Big Louie “mis-spoke” about the snow.

Lady Wonder Wench is commenting on this week’s podcast…about hearing strange sounds in the night.

It’s not just the sounds he doesn’t pay attention to … it’s the NUMBER of sounds and the frequency! I know, I know, he’s my Louie Louie Lad and he and Big Louie protect me to the max. But he doesn’t HEAR what I do, as often as I do. Okay, so maybe there isn’t anything there.But I HEARD IT!!!! 

And when he finally heard the same ticky-tocky sounds this time, it felt like a sort of victory … but only sort of. How come I can hear strange noises in the night, all around, and he can’t? I’m not looking for disaster – or the wind in the trees. Am I being overly sensitive? I don’t think so.Should I just wait until the sky falls?

Mondays are a miserable way to spend one seventh of your life.

For most of last night my house was making noises. I heard the first one while I was sitting in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in the living room reading Billy Crystal’s new book. It’s a good book by the way. Proud Podcast Participant Carole M said “get it,” so I did. She has a way of saying things in a very convincing fashion. I should ask Carole to send all of you Emails telling you to get my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Amazon would go nuts trying to keep up with the orders.

But back to the noises. They’re not big bangy things. Just little tick tock things, and they seemed to be coming from all kinds of different directions. I heard another one just a little while ago and I was thinking maybe I could record one, and one of you would be able to tell me what it is. They’re just little tick-tock sounds, but they got kind of spooky last night. I was just sitting there reading and my Lady Wonder Wench said…”Somebody is throwing things at our front door.” I heard those little ticks, but I wasn’t paying much attention. But that comment got my attention.

It’s one thing for some tick tocking going on in general, but I draw the line at somebody tossing a tick tock at my front door. That’s an act of aggression. I leaped from my chair and marched over to the door in my most manly fashion…and peeked out the window. Nothing. I turned toward my Lady, and in my deepest and most manly voice, I said, “Don’t be afraid. There’s no one there. And besides…I’m here to protect you.” I like saying that even when it really doesn’t seem like there’s anything out there with big red eyes, fangs, and an AK-47. But you know…you never know. And Louie Louie guys like at least pretending we’re powerful warriors because it allows us to look serious and important. It’s the one thing that stops women from laughing at us.

And when they stop laughing, some women…the honest ones…will admit they want a powerful man in their lives. Lois Lane loved Superman. She didn’t even see Clark Kent. He was a vulnerable, honest, powerless…nice guy. Women don’t want a powerless nice guy, even when he’s vulnerable and honest and caring. If there’s going to be some kind of male-female sizzle he’s got to have some kind of power. Physical, financial, spiritual, emotional…or some other kind of power. Even if it’s just the power to make people laugh. Like Billy Crystal.

“There, didn’t you hear that?” she said. And I did. I said, “That’s coming from the fireplace, not from the door.” She said, “No it’s coming from the door.” I heard it again. It was coming from the door. It was time for my power image to flash into the darkness. I was seriously considering grabbing my shotgun. But instead I grabbed my ego, my Killing Bad Guys With Just Two Fingers for Dummies book and my flashlight, and walked outside to look around. I did a quick power flash around the house and the driveway. Nothing. The garage doors were closed. But I did hear that noise…and worse yet, my Lady heard it. I knew I had to project a flash of power image to her, because I am a big fan of male-female sizzle. I was seriously considering climbing up on the roof to look around, because that really was the most likely place to find whatever was causing the tick-tock sound. But the last time I tried climbing up on the roof to clean the gutters, I grabbed the gutter to pull myself up, and it came loose and I landed up with a broken gutter and a very sore fanny.

I realize that I was fortunate to hit on my fanny, because fannies are somewhat padded, usually covered in public, and…friendly. The fanny is one of the very few body parts that has a nick name. I suppose you could call it your seat of power. It is the subject of an enormous number of diet and exercise books, and the object of considerable contemplation and delight when you are following certain fannies which are attired in tight jeans up long flights of stairs. Without fannies, the jeans industry would collapse. Fannies work hard to give us a comfortable place to sit. Some of them look so nice they have been responsible for traffic jams. Your fanny is your most faithful follower. A fine fanny is a friend forever. However landing on your fanny while trying to climb up on the roof is not the best way to project the flash of power that seems essential to encouraging the warmest male-female sizzle.

You’ve got to put things in perspective. A stray un-explained tick-tock every once in a while isn’t much of a threat. But an un-explained tick-tock fired at your front door in the middle of the night gets your attention. It’s like un-explained foot steps, or a far off shout, or a flicker of somebody’s face in the corner of your eye…in the middle of the night…it’s manly flash of power time.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   Where do renegade body hairs like to grow?

2-   How can you tell if there are parties in some houses in Norway?

3-   How do you know if you’ve had too many facelifts?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Little tick-tock sounds on your front door, footsteps you can’t explain, something that sounds like a shout…they’re different in the middle of the night. The middle of the night is quiet. And the quieter you get, the more you can hear. There’s a story in the current podcast from the Bedtime Stories Personal Audio Cd. It’s called I Miss You.

It’s about a guy who left a woman because he had to. When he told her he was leaving, she just said, “Whatever you want.” He wanted her. He thought he had no choice. He had to leave. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget. Especially in the quiet of the night…he kept hearing her say “Whatever you want.” I think you can’t ever really stop loving somebody. Leaving them is just like turning off the radio. The station is still there. And you can’t stop knowing it.

I Miss You is from my Bedtime Stories Personal Audio CD. The recording was unusual. It wasn’t done in a recording studio. It’s actually an air check of a show I did a long time ago. In fact it was done the night the picture on the front of my book was taken. It was a night when my Lady Wonder Wench was far away.

If you like I Miss You, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

That flash of power thing is a guy thing I think. It’s part of the same hormone that makes us take league softball seriously. But maybe there’s more to it. Maybe it really does make my lady feel safe when I tell her I’m here to protect her…even when it’s just from a little tick-tock sound at the front door. If nothing else, it’s an honor, and it makes me very proud that she lets me be her manly man. And I just love it when she sizzles.

Big Louie says no more (appreciable) snow around here. Check out www.dicksummer.com  There are those who are skeptics. Like my Lady Wonder Wench who says:

 As for snow in the forecast:  let me tell you a small story that took place a looong time ago.  Louie Louie’s chief Lad went on national radio and announced that there would be no more snow, so take off your snow tires.  And I, of course, immediately bet him ($35,000 which at that time was a LOT of $$) that he was wrong.  Needless to say, when the telephone rang itself off the table the next morning, it wasn’t to say HE was right.And I (we) bought a house with the money I won.  HA!

Some things went “Bump in the night” last night. Houses always make noises, but when you can’t explain them, and your wife says “Somebody is throwing things at our front door” the bumps become goose bumps. I’m going to do Sunday’s podcast about this.

I have to comment on “The Lad’s” latest podcast about the potholes. 

If this were a perfect life, there would be no perfume in magazines, newsprint wouldn’t come off on your fingers, dogs would walk themselves in the snow, and algebra would really come in handy every day. But it is not a perfect life. So all that stuff happens…and doesn’t happen. This winter has been part of this less than perfect life. But I’m telling you the snow part is Over. No more snow. (Don’t fight with me if we get a dusting. I’m talking about SNOW. Pilots note the kind of snow I’m talking about as SN+) 

How do I know this?…you will ask. Big Louie the guy in my book told me. Ok. Laugh if you want. But you wait and see. The next SN+ isn’t going to happen till next Christmas.