Sunday’s podcast will be about hurtling down the hideously hole-y highway outside my house. I’ll bet you have one outside your house too. It can be a truly hurt-full experience because you never know when a giant claw is going to reach up out of that pothole, and grab you by whatever you’ve got hanging down. And when you get to our Louie Louie Generation stage of life, there’s usually something hanging down. You’ve got to be in good shape to survive. So remember, white bread and sugar will kill you within ten minutes. And read the small print on the TV commercials for the medications you’re taking. Like the ones where the smiling grandfather is fishing with his kid while the voiceover is saying things like “Some side effects have been noted like dry mouth, navel lint, and death.”
Archive for February, 2014
Lady Wonder Wench looked at the podcast about holding hands, and she said this:
Call it what you want, Big Boy, holding hands is just that – holding my hand(s) to keep me from socking you when you get abnormally “fresh”. Well, I don’t know if fresh is the right word. More like, unhand me, villain, or I will call my brother. Of course, when I said that, my brother was in Viet Nam. He would have come to help, though – I think.
Actually, as far as I am concerned, hands are exquisitely wonderful. His hands …
I am a lucky guy.
Paul Berge is my friend. He wrote the Introduction to my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Paul is a heavy duty pilot and a film maker. He’s putting the finishing touches on a new short film called, “Co-Pay.” It’s a comedy about the sticker shock that happens when you “let yourself fall into the hands of 21st century medicine” as Dr. McCoy said in one of the Star Trek movies. Among other things, “Co-Pay” proves that humor lurks in the darkest shadows of what’s left of our minds, when we’re trying to deal with surviving in a hospital. Paul sent me a quick look at the trailer for the movie, and I thought you might like to see it.
The website is back up, and so is the podcast. Proud Podcast Participant Jim F had this comment:
The technical geniuses have told me my site will be taken off line at midnight tonight for some tweaks. Should be back up early in the morning. If you get a chance, please grab the podcast before midnight. I think you’ll get a kick out of it
Like everybody else, on one hand you have Monday problems. But what do you have on the other hand ? For the answer, go to this week’s podcast.
I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room with a grand canyon size smile on my face, because it has been an evening of wildly erotic interdigitating with my Lady Wonder Wench. The Politically Correct Forces For Good in the community were sometimes outraged when we interdigitated before we got married. But we didn’t care. We interdigitated at every opportunity. And even after all this time, we interdigitate… two or three times a day…and night. Like tonight. We sometimes take the time to initerdigitate while waiting for a long stop light. We interdigitated right out in public tonight. We do that frequently. During a recent session of especially erotic interdigitating, I tried to explain to My Lady that we really should jump into a shower together so we won’t catch fire. She wasn’t buying it. Interdigitating can be dangerous, but we feel that it feels so good that it’s worth the risk.
Interdigitation is my hand picked word for holding hands. I love to interdigitate with my Lady, because I am a hands on kind of guy. I love holding her hand in public, partially because I like how her hand feels, partially to see to it that she doesn’t trip, and mostly because that says to the other guys…hands off this lady. I have no intention of letting her change hands. On the other hand…we have fingers. Fingers are the little explorers for people who are in love or in lust. Or both. Fingers are very handy at finding new adventures in previously un-known territories.
As I’ve told you in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, The Pimple People and the Dreary Drones very seldom interdigitate. And they are sometimes amazed and a little embarrassed that we do. Good. I love embarrassing Pimple People and Dreary Drones. They’re embarrased because my Lady and I are members of the Louie Louie Generation. And Louie Louie Lads and Ladies don’t have fancy abs and perky breasts any more, like the people in the TV beer commercials. They’re amazed that we can still dance to Louie Louie if we want to. And we often want to. In fact, many of us have enough serviceable moving parts left to do lots of the sixties dances like the Limbo, the Watusi and even the Mashed Potatoes…quite…enthusiastically. And we do so frequently…even though it makes our kids and grandkids kind of nervous.
Louie Louie Lads and Ladies are all for enthusiastic eroticism. And Louie Louie Lads know many ways of increasing enthusiastic arousal in our women. Some of those ways are mechanical. Like buying her a new Cadillac. Others are more hands on…like unhooking some hidden lady-like clasp with one hand, while continuing to interdigitate fondly with the other. And Louie Louie Ladies long ago came to understand that life has an expiration date. They’ve learned that nobody cares if you’re shy, so why bother being shy. My Lady Wonder Wench often very seductively kisses me right in the middle of interdigitating …although long ago she must have figured out that no matter how nicely she kisses me, I’m not going to turn into a prince.
Some people get kind of kinky when they interdigitate. I mean, an overhand reverse thumb rub, with a double axel in the tuck position…that’s a little much. And some doctors might say you need to get into better shape if you want to enjoy long sessions of interdigitat-ing. Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie Louie generation knows how you can do that. He reminds us that, “Lots of people twiddle their thumbs every day. He says, don’t stop there. Why not twiddle all your fingers. Take it a little at a time. Start out by twiddling your index fingers at least ten minutes every day. Eventually, you’ll develop nuclear knuckles. Soon, members of the sex you find most interesting will start taking peeks into your gloves.”
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- Why do insects attendend nuclear conferences ?
2- Where are 96% of the world’s armed pickup trucks ?
3- What’s missing on an ez-pass gizmo ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
I tell you often about how special my Lady Wonder Wench is to me. I wouldn’t ever double cross her for two reasons. #1- After all this time she is my girlfriend, and I’ve never met anyone girlier. I love interdigitating with her. #2- She would find out. She’s very smart. And I would never want to see the kind of look on her face that says, “I thought you loved me.” So I would never double cross her. But I sometimes wonder if it’s because I can’t be tempted, or is it because I don’t experience very much temptation in these days of former hand some hunk hood.
I don’t want this fantasy to get out of hand, but I know if an ordinary woman tried the temptation tango, I wouldn’t have a problem. I wouldn’t even interdigitate with her. But suppose some Catherine Zeta Jones look alike showed up at my front door dressed in a little tank top, and short shorts. I’m sure she’s not at all what Lady Wonder Wench calls her. Putting it delicately, my Lady says her breeding is the same as another female movie star by the name of Lassie. And silicone can’t explain everything about Cathy. Furthermore everything I’ve heard about her says Cathy is really a charming lady. Who knows, maybe she’s deeply lonely. There are those who would say “She’s too young for me.” But doesn’t a woman need to be taught the ways of the world by a kindly older gentleman. Someone who has BEEN there ?. Someone who has known the hurts ?. The Pains ?. The sorrows of life? Someone with a small vat of Viagra in his basement ? Hands down, my Lady Wonder Wench doesn’t think so.
Seriously, as you know there are therapists who claim to be experts at answering questions like that. But I don’t think there are any real love experts. There are only some folks who have been lucky, and lots of other folks who have not. Once upon a time I knew about a guy who could have been lucky…should have been lucky…but he kept paying attention to this little voice in his head that said “there will always be time for really falling in love.”
There really are no love experts. It’s just that some of us have been lucky and some haven’t. I got to be one of the lucky ones when I started listening to my heart instead of the voices in my head.
There’s a story about learning the hard lesson of listening to your heart in the current podcast called The Prince of Fantasy. It’s from the Bedtime Stories Personal Audio CD. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.
Big Louie always says, “No matter how much gets piled on your plate, never forget to initerdigitate.” He means, hold hands. I mean like you mean it. Feel the pulses in your wrists together. Interdigitate in the car, while you’re out for a walk, when you drift off to sleep. Interdigitate. Do the interlocking fingers, the sliding palms, the sneaky thumb rub, or in hot weather, the sweat-friendly pinky link. Your hands are connected to your heart. Big Louie says, “Squeeze a little squeeze into your everyday routine. It’ll make you happy. As in Happy Healthy And Hot.
My Email is down. If you’re trying to contact me, try: DickieQuickie@gmail.com Thanks. Dick Summer
Lady Wonder Wench seems to agree with this week’s podcast…that it can be kind of nice to be stuck in a nice warm house when the wind and snow is swirling all around. This is what she said about “Cabin Fever”:
You all will have to forgive me … I am stretched out in front of the fire, waiting for my glass of wine and the touch of his hands on my back …