Archive for October, 2013

We’re All In This Together

Saturday, October 19th, 2013

I’ve been spending a lot of time this week, sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, thinking about some lessons learned at the Wedding of the Century, when our Cassie married her Dave. Some funny things happened. And some things that got me thinking about men and women happened too. The biggest lesson was that we’re all in this together.

I heard Dave’s dad saying something about, “Didn’t I talk to you about that?” And I couldn’t stop my mouth before it said, “My God, he just got married. Didn’t you have a talk with him before this?” Dave and his dad Jim are good guys. I really like them both. So I felt it was important that I add my own fatherly advice to the mix. That’s when I told them about the Men Are Saints campaign. The MAS Appeal.  It’s in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.) Because I feel that it’s important for Dave to remember the lesson I’ve taught all my sons…that the biggest challenge men face today is excess humility. I mentioned this on the blog the other day, and I immediately heard from Proud Podcast Participant Gary who said, “Oh yeah? My humility is bigger than your humility.”  I don’t know Gary. I think you’ll have a very hard time proving that. Proud Podcast Participant Jim said, “My humility can kick your humility’s butt.” I’ll have to be especially careful of that, Jim, because I have on occasion been accused of having an anal-cranial inversion. So there could be a threat of a concussion.  Another Jim said, “My humility humbles me.” Wow.

I think Jim, Gary and the other Jim’s very defensive comments prove my point. Excess humility is a huge problem for men. It puts us on the defensive. It’s the result of constant comments like, “If we can send one man to the moon, why can’t we send them all there?” And “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” “Men like smart women because opposites attract.”

About 95% of American pilots are men, so lots of times down at the airport, we get, “The biggest difference between God and a pilot is that God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.” With some ladies, a guy could walk three miles in a thunderstorm to get help when the car breaks down, and when he comes back dripping wet and exhausted, he gets some kind of a comment like, “Well, you certainly took your time.”

That’s why Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie Louie Generation always points out the positives about being a Louie Louie Generation guy. For example, one point that was very clear to me at the Wedding of the Century…for a guy, wedding plans take care of themselves. You get a new suit, and you show up. Also, a guy can take his shirt off on a hot day. But you can’t take your shirt off at your wedding reception. I know a guy who did that. He’s no longer married. Nobody stops telling an off color joke when I walk into the room. We can write our names in the snow. And we can open our own applesauce jars. And you never hear a guy make a high pitched noise that sounds something like EEEEEEEE!

Women are always saying EEEEEE. It’s an all purpose woman sound. It can mean there’s a mosquito in this very same zip code. It can mean “I just noticed that my engagement ring is adjustable. It can be heard in singles bars where it usually means revulsion at first sight. A woman sometimes makes that sound when in a moment of passion, her partner refers to her using the wrong name. I must admit, when a Louie Louie Generation guy hears that sound…EEEEEE…it does get our attention, because we know we are about to be confused by what some might call an excess of verbal communication in the very near future. Either that…or deadly silence. Deadly. Silence. That’s worse.   

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   What do many members of Congress have in common with a cockroach?

2-   What makes plants and guys grow better?

3-   What did the cat say to the elephant ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Thunder and silence. Fire and ice. Men and women. Opposites. Powerful partners…suspicious of each other…sometimes with good reason. That’s because power is dangerous. Most men are physically more powerful than most women. Which is why it sounds ok for a woman to say that she plans on getting a man, but it sounds dangerous for a man to say he’s going to get a woman. There are lots of different kinds of power. Money, fame, passion…passion might be the most powerful of all. But passion isn’t always about sex. There’s a web site for married people who want to have sex with other people. One of the things they advertise is, “Come and get all the attention you want.” I think just paying careful attention to each other is one of the most passionate things men and women can do together. Sometimes passion screams…down with the government, or ours is the only true religion, and of course there is screaming sex. But sometimes passion is powerfully quiet and intense. There’s a story about that in the current podcast. It’s from the Bedtime Stories Personal Audio CD.

I was so proud of the woman in that story. She kept her power. The power to pick and choose. When that guy just said no, instead of running away and hiding, she just held out her hand to her second choice. She kept control. She kept her power. The story is called, The Second Chance. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

It was quite an experience watching our Cassie marry her Dave. They’re going to do well. Cassie is a strong young woman. She knows how to dance backwards, but she can also do some pretty fancy whirls all by herself. And Dave is a real man. He’ll take good care of her. And he’ll be the one cheering loudest of all for her, when she goes for a powerful woman whirl.

Lots of the Louie Louie Ladies I know have learned to stop dancing backwards all the time. That’s why they don’t get tripped up so often. And they understand how tough it is for guys to always have to take the lead and risk rejection. And humiliation. I like Louie Louie Ladies.

See…Big Louie is only half kidding when he says that excess humility is one of men’s biggest problems. That makes it a problem for women too. Because we really are all in this together.


Friday, October 18th, 2013

Excess humility is one of men’s biggest problems. And that makes it a problem for women too. Because we really are all in this together. More thoughts from the recent Wedding of the Century in this Sunday’s podcast at


Thursday, October 17th, 2013

In celebration of dodging yet another Washington bullet, and a (temporary) return to a slight showing of sanity, here’s a one day only free download of my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. It will help you understand what the hell we’re talking about on the podcast ( . No strings, no pop-ups. Just a small tip of the hat to E Pluirbus Unum. If you like the book, I would appreciate it if you’d tell a friend.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 16th, 2013

By now, you have all pretty much figured out that we married off our first grandchild down in Virginia a few days ago.  Almost all of Cassie’s cousins and aunts and uncles were there, along with Cecelia, the newest great (and according to the Louie Louie Lad of note, the only one for a long time) … ha!  But as himself says, both Dave and Cassie are fortunate to have found each other.

 For those of you, however, with more highly evolved ideas on the probity of a guy who wants to invite you to his apartment for “your own safety” … can I just laugh and tell him to get a grip? 

Or maybe … no, I don’t suppose he would like that … 

Hey, Louie Louie Lad, can we go flying?


Wednesday, October 16th, 2013

This just in from Proud Podcast Participant Mike L:  When I heard your podcast about the woman whose husband was going to seed,  as
in planting himself on the sofa and not moving,  it brought to mind a wonderful
line from the actor Leo G. Carroll.  During his senior years he was asked what
he and his wife were going to do on their vacation he replied, “Oh, we’ll just
sit together and watch each other deteriorate.”

As someone who passed the
50 year dash long ago, maybe it’s better to think about it this way:    It’s
better to fall apart slowly then grow apart slowly.

In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie says: “As long as you have some moving parts left…MOVE ‘EM.”


Tuesday, October 15th, 2013

Back up in the air today after a couple of weeks lay off. Amazing how fast rust rots reflexes. My Lady Wonder Wench is so well known at the airport that when she got on the plane’s radio, a couple of guys said, “Hi.” There is a very special brotherhood among pilots.  95% of American pilots are guys. Hardly any women go to small General Aviation airports. Any of you ladies who might be interested in finding a lonely Louie Louie guy…go take a look. Most pilots are gentlemen. Some are rich. Most are not. We’re mostly ordinary guys who just love flying. And because so few women go to our airports, most pilots fly alone. I’m a lucky exception with my Lady. There are several stories about little airplane flying in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. If you ever look up at the sky when you hear a small plane in the sky, you might enjoy reading about it.


Monday, October 14th, 2013

If you saw the movie “Field Of Dreams” you’ll squeeze a little warmth out of knowing that an Iowa couple, Denise and Mark Stillman bought the property where the movie was made, and they’re turning it into a youth sports complex…24 baseball diamonds. As Big Louie, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie Louie Generation says in my book “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot” “A dream is a wish your heart makes.” There’s something special about baseball…and kids playing baseball. My Lady Wonder Wench and I are N.Y. Mets fans. (I was a little kid when the Dodgers were still in Brooklyn. She’s from Boston, but as a good baseball fan, she doesn’t like the designated hitter in the AL.)

Football, basketball, hockey…you have to sit and stare at the game. Baseball…it’s ok to read a book, or even work at your computer while it’s on. It’s the soft sound of Summer, playing in the background of your life. Then…there is what Big Pappy did last night that grabs your attention by the throat.

I like baseball.

Dave Is A Very Lucky Guy

Saturday, October 12th, 2013

I am collapsed in utter exhaustion…here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room. We just got back from our grand-daughter Cassie’s wedding. What an ordeal. It has to have been the most spectacular pageant since the super bowl. She was gorgeous…although I think she is a little young to get married. I figure a daughter or grand-daughter should be at least in her mid-thirties before she even considers marriage, because if she starts planning the wedding when she’s 35, she’ll be almost ready for Social Security to pick up part of the tab when the actual wedding occurs.

I must grudgingly admit that her new husband David is a nice guy, although he is something of a handsome devil. That’s why when my Lady Wonder Wench wasn’t looking, I took the opportunity to warn Cassie that sometimes a guy’s handsome-ness slips from hunk to hulk faster than you might expect. I used myself as an example.

A recent email from Proud Podcast Participant Elizabeth N. from Staten Island presents another example. She was writing about the Men Are Saints chapter in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon) She says, “Dear Saint Dick, beer burps are the most intelligent sounds that now come from my man’s lips. He says it’s cultural. He claims Budweiser is the beer of ballerinas. He claims table manners are for people who aren’t hungry.  He claims he just likes to eat, drink and be merry. But he’s in such terrible shape that we haven’t been merry together in months.”

Elizabeth, from your note I suspect you don’t fully understand the Men are Saints campaign…I call it the MAS Appeal. MAS – Men are saints. As I have explained in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, I started the MAS…Men are Saints appeal on Thanksgiving a number of years ago, while I was at WNBC radio. The idea came from observing my Lady Wonder Wench, our daughter Kris, our daughter in law Brenda, and our sister in law Beth scurrying around in the kitchen preparing dinner, while our tall guy son Eric, my brother John and I were hard at work in a manly display of selfless courage…throwing ourselves in front of the TV screen to protect our loved ones from the dangerous cathode rays that were squirting out of the picture.

And how much credit did we get for encouraging our ladies to spend most of the cold Thanksgiving day in the warmth of the fragrant kitchen, as we were risking our lives to protect them? Right. None.

And think about this: How often have you seen a relatively innocent Louie Louie Generation guy at a raunchy bar go over to a woman he has never even met, volunteering to get her out of that dangerous environment by inviting her to the safety and comfort of his apartment. And what reward does he get? Right again. None. That’s the basis for the Men Are Saints Appeal. The MAS Appeal. It’s in the book…Staying Happy Healthy And Hot.

Now Elizabeth, here’s how you might look at your man in a different light. Try to remember that people who are stressed and un-happy tend to put on weight. He may have financial problems, or he may be losing his hair, or he may be trying to keep from arguing with you over some domestic situation… perhaps his beer glass hasn’t been properly chilled…but he doesn’t want to argue with you. He is doing his utmost to keep a happy, un-stressful relationship with you. He is ignoring the obvious danger to his body in this fitness crazed world by sipping his beer and stuffing his face with pizza. Elizabeth, please remember he is sacrificing himself for you.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   What is a “Star Trek: definition of a Vegitarian?

2-    What happens to 50% of women’s lipstick?

3-   If a bad golfer says, (Whack) Damn. What does a bad sky diver say ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

As you can imagine, the MAS Appeal…Men Are Saints…is frequently not well received by certain people with more evolved levels of social sensitivity, most of whom tend to have high voices. And I must confess that I am extremely grateful that the highly evolved person with the higher voice who lives with me has so far resisted giving in to the temptation that many Louie Louie Ladies seem to love discussing. They sometimes refer to it as the Lorena Bobbit syndrome.

My only excuse it that I had a tough childhood. I remember hiding my last twinkie in my underwear drawer. I went to get it one day, and it was gone. I said, “Mom, what happened.” She shifted uneasily and said it was God’s will. I said, “Dad can I borrow the car tonight?” He assumed the crash position and started talking fast in German. Something about “raus mit.” My best girlfriend showed up for a date with a hickey in a very personal place. When she saw that I noticed, she said, “I only hope the doctor says it’s benign so we can go on loving forever.” Even the animals in Brooklyn were tough. The cats were always having Pfsst fights. I hate that sound. Pfsst. Pfsst. That’s what I get even from loved ones when I get into material like this. But this is a weekly podcast, and 7 days without a laugh make one week.

Speaking of loved ones, it really was amazing watching our grand-daughter Cassie get married. She’s beautiful, she’s a talented photographer, and she has a great sense of humor. She got that from her dad, our tall guy Eric. When Cass was very little…probably 5 or 6, she was sitting across from me at a restaurant, and I was telling her little stories to make her laugh. She suddenly started slipping down under the table. Grandma Wonder Wench said, “What’s the matter Cass?” And Cass said, “Poppa is pulling my leg too hard.”

David is a very lucky guy, and I think he knows it. What he doesn’t know… something only people who have been married for more than a few years can possibly know, is in the story in the current podcast from the Night Connections Personal Audio CD.

Guys in marriages that last a while have seen this happen. I’ve seen even smart women mis-understand what a guy who loves her sees when he looks at her. The image in my Lady Wonder Wench’s mirror is only two dimensions. When I look at her, I see…her…the way she looked when we first met…and I hear her… laughing and crying, and I  feel…how she fits so perfectly, sleeping peacefully in my arms. Warm and safe on a snowy winter night…and watching her face smiling at some secret dream, in the soft light of dawn.

The story is called the “Slip Away Wife.” It’ in the Personal Audio CD called Night Connections. If you like it you can just keep this podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the Night Connections icon on the home page.

When she was a little kid, Cassie used to hop up on my lap while I was sitting here on my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair. I loved to hear her laugh when I told her silly stories. She visited when she was a teenager, and she was so pretty that all the teen age boys in the neighborhood used to “just happen to drop by” just about all day long. When she was in college, every month she called…just to say, “Hey Nana and Poppa, I love you.” And a few years ago, I will never forget the lovely look on her face, when my Lady Wonder Wench was in the hospital…and Cass so carefully put some lip balm on her Grandmother’s lips…to ease some of the pain.

David…is a very lucky guy.


Saturday, October 12th, 2013

Tomorrow’s podcast ( ) will explain why Big Louie says, “Men Are Saints.” Those of you who have my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot will have the advantage of seeing the full impact of this reasoning, because it’s right there in print. It’s so obvious. But many people persist in not understanding how gallant men are…when it’s right there…if you just see it in the proper perspective. Well…maybe you have to squint a little. But it’s worth the effort.

Wonder Wench Writes (About the wedding.)

Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

His shoes do NOT pinch and just like Julie’s Dave and Brenda’s Eric he got a new suit, which looks pretty good on him (for an “old guy” … as in Men In Black) … and I enjoyed watching Louie Louie Lad being proud of all our family.  He was more than proud of the Lasses, of course, including Cecelia, but he does not understand completely all the fuss the lasses have to go through in order to make the various lads happy.  Dresses and shoes and hair (by the way, Junior, thank you for caring about Cindy’s coif) and jewelry … all so those lasses could boogie on the dance floor after the ceremony and look good doing it.


You all should have seen Cecelia!