Dick Summer Connection

Two more hints about tomorrow’s podcast. (Actually, the blog goes up tonight.)

This is a preview of Saturday’s podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast

Ed. Note, She wrote this in reaction to the “Winkin ‘N Blinkin” blog from last week:

Aw, come on, now, Lad of my own … just like pushing up your eyeglasses doesn’t always mean you’re nervous (maybe the glasses just slipped down, for goodness’ sake!), a long slow wink DOES NOT MEAN come hither, good lookin’ … it just might mean there is dirt behind the eyelash and the slinky lady is trying to clear it up. 

Not everything revolves around … what is that word, now? … oh yeah, lust … or sex … or …

 Maybe, dear Louie Louie Lad, she just wants to say hi …

 I know, I know, and if you believe that I have a bridge for sale …

Louie Louie guys and girls will remember Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. Proud Podcast Participant Todd Baptista sent me this today:

I’m a small plane pilot with a lot of hours in the left front seat. I’m surprised to say the least that the complete FAA communications tapes on the SFO crash haven’t been released. There is a constant recording of all communications between pilots and air traffic control. In the short portion of the tape that was released, the tower controller cleared the plane to land. That has to happen a reasonable distance from the airport, because if there is a problem at the airport runway, the controller has to have time to tell the pilot to “go missed approach,” and the pilot has to have time to execute the missed approach manuever.

Immediately after the controller cleared the pilot to land, another controller, probably a supervisor, acknowledged that the emergency vehicles were being deployed. So we know the pilot had declared an emergency. The emergency protocall is for the pilot to say, “Mayday, mayday, mayday” followed by the aircraft identification. Then the pilot gives a quick reason for declaring the emergency. THAT WOULD BE ON THE TAPE. Then the pilot declares his intentions.

I have no idea why the tape of the entire situation has not been released. We have some very heavy duty pilots, and a couple of ATC Controllers who read this blog. Maybe you guys have some ideas.””

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, watching the news on TV, and I just saw my least favorite politician blink. I love that. I love watching an idiot politician blink when he gets a question he’s not expecting. Watch for that next time you’re watching a news program. A blink gives a guy away. A blink and a wink are two very different things. A blink happens to you, and a wink you do on purpose. That idiot politican on tv blinked when he got that hardball question from the female news lady. He’s one of those guys who thinks a woman’s place is in the kitchen or the bedroom. That’s because he’s too dumb to remember the kitchen is where the knives are kept, and there are pillows in the bedroom that can easily be clamped over his face for five or six minutes. 

A blink happens to you. It gives you away. It takes you by surprise. A wink you do on purpose. When you wink, it often surprises someone else. Pimple People are too busy texting to notice the difference. But Louie Louie lads and ladies know that a blink can happen when you first notice that a baseball is approaching your head very quickly, or when your electric bill comes, or when the little person inside you says, “Whoops…I didn’t expect that question,” and falls on his fanny. Actually, he lets go and you fall on your fanny. 

A wink is much more complicated than a blink. A wink can mean “Hey, did you get my joke.” It can mean “Don’t pay attention to what I’m saying. I’m just saying it because I’m supposed to.” Or…best of all, a wink can mean life is about to become a lot more interesting…especially if the winker is a person of the feminine persuasion, and she winks slowly enough, and flips her hair while she tilts her head to one side, adjusts a strap or two, shifts her legs, and smiles just wide enough to show the tips of her teeth while she’s doing that slow wink. That’s when the wink-ee will happily remember what Big Louie always says in my book Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” 

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast. 

1- What kind of people are most likely to make you break out and itch?

2- What do I have in common with humming birds when mating ?

3- What do women do that sometimes make guys explode ?

 Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 A friend of mine learned a big lesson about the difference between a wink and a blink. He has a gorgeous girlfriend and he was hugely happy when she agreed to marry him. There was only one problem. It was a family problem. It seems his girlfriend’s very sexy younger sister was obviously seriously interested in beating her older sister to the…banquet…so to speak. One night the younger sister called my buddy and asked him to come over to check some things in the wedding invitations. She was alone, and she was wearing mainly a smile and some perfume when he arrived. He was stunned. He blinked, and swallowed pretty hard. He couldn’t say a word. She just said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last fling, come up and get me”, and she did a very slow wink, tossed her hair, and disappeared up the stairs. He started blinking like a strobe light, then he turned and ran out the front door and headed straight for his car. 

This is where he learned the big lesson. His future father in law was standing outside with his arms folded, and a big smile on his face.  By buddy blinked, swallowed, and started sweating…big time. The old man winked, shook by buddy’s hand, and said, “I’m happy you passed my little test. Welcome to the family.” 

I asked my buddy exactly what lesson did he learn. And he said “I learned you should always keep your condoms in your car.” That’s a story that will definitely be in my next book after the current one, “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot.”

A blink is a quick reaction to a “whoops” like when my buddy saw his future father in law. A wink is sometimes a slow and sexy invitation to a little “Whoopie.” There’s a story about a lady who understands the power of a wink very well in the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio CD. It’s about a last invitation from a Piano Man and a Sugar Mommie. 

She didn’t show up. Of course. He knew she wouldn’t. He was glad, and sorry, hurt and relieved. “I’ll Never Forget You” was the song he played for her…because it was good…for a while.

 “The Piano Man” is from the “Night Connections 2” Personal Audio CD. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page. 

I think that idiot politician who just blinked is dangerously under-medicated. I think that it is at least partly because of what he does in congress that aliens refuse to visit the earth. When they look down on us, they must feel with guys like him running things, Earth must be the insane asylum of the universe. 

But you know what just occurred to me ? Holy Capt. Kirk. What kind of trouble would I be in if one of those nasty Klingons looked down and happened to see somebody like my Lady Wonder Wench tossing her hair, smiling just enough to show the tips of her teeth, and tossing me a very slow wink.

Ed. Note: In order to understand LWW’s comment, you need to know that she was in charge of scheduling the commercials at WBZ, the station at which Bruce Bradley and I worked:

Oh yes, Bruce was really good at what he did … and he made the Lad stretch whenever he got into his elephant stuff against Louie Louie’s grapes.  He never gave me a hard time over the broadcast logs even when I messed them up for him (part of my job, those logs) and he always … I mean always … smiled and said hello.  Big guys didn’t always do that, but Bruce did.

 And he was a big guy.