I have just relieved myself. No, don’t jump to conclusions. I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair in my living room, and all is well with the world again, because I have gotten my TV back up and working and that’s a much bigger relief than I thought it would be. The satellite box broke, and I never realized how stressful my life would be without the TV. When it went out, it was a shock like when I opened the refrigerator door and found some kind of endangered species lurking there. I finally figured out that it was cheese. But it wasn’t cheese when I put it in there. It changed. People are like that too. People change. Some people age like fine wine. Other people age like milk.
Eventually, I guess even the Pimple People will change. As I have explained in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Pimple People are everywhere. They drive nails through their tongues, and text instead of talk. The guys seem to think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures. The girls sometimes have to slip gas X into their guy’s mashed potatoes as a survival technique. They all have smart phones so they can arrange their relationships so they don’t actually have to be personally involved.
If you have changed over the years, to the point where you find yourself making noises that sound suspiciously like the coffee maker when you stand up, and you’ve decided to prevent sagging by eating until the wrinkles fall out, and you missed going to the gym again today, and that makes four years in a row…you are probably not a Pimple Person. You are either a Dreary Drone, or a member of the Louie Louie Generation like my Lady Wonder Wench and me.
Dreary Drones have given up on changes. They no longer reach for the stars because they figure they’ll just pull a muscle. They walk around all day with an expression on their faces that makes them look like the picture on their driver’s licenses. Life has just sucked all the jelly out of their donuts. They never get carried away, and they should be. Worst of all, they’ve lost faith in the love songs. You should never lose faith in the love songs.
Louie Louie Generation folks know we have changed. We no longer look like the people in the beer commercials with their perky breasts and fancy abs. But we’re not going to let ourselves turn into lumps of look warm meat. We don’t just change. We take charge of our changing. We plan on being alive when we die. Louie Louie lad’s brains go from “I probably shouldn’t be doing this.” To Oh hell, let’s see what happens. We know that having nothing to do is no fun. But having a lot to do and not doing it is a blast. We know that giving us Louie Louie Hood is nature’s way of developing our sense of humor. Which is why we stop to figure out jokes like “Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a bar, and asked for a beer and a mop?”
And we really love our Louie Louie ladies…even when we’ve been through love songs that end in a minor key with some of them. We don’t ever want to have to figure out what to do with what’s left of our selves because we ran away from some powerful passion in our lives. We will never lose faith in our love songs.
Our Louie Louie ladies know that wrinkles are hereditary. They got them from their kids. They’ve changed their kids in a more basic way in their day too. Which is a lesson for them too, because every time they consider throwing in the towel, they don’t… because they’ve done enough laundry of all kinds in their lives. They are emotion in motion. They know that if you pretend to be perfect, and I pretend to be perfect, no actual passion is going to get started. And Louie Louie ladies love passion. A Louie Louie lady will be glad to do everything she can to help you trust the love songs again.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- Why are sharks ticked off at us?
2- Why is George Clooney a failure?
3- Why should my Lady Wonder Wench pay attention to what they just said in the British Journal of Medicine?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
My Lady Wonder Wench and I don’t watch much TV. Mostly just news and sports. I always thought TV wasn’t important to me. But when the box went out, I realized I didn’t have to finish work so I could watch my combination of MSNBC, Fox, and CNN, and then switch over to Brian, Diane and Scott for a non-fiction version of what Wolf, Al, and Bret had been furiously spinning. And worst of all, missing in action were Gary, Keith and Ron doing the play by play of my New York Mets. It was like my schedule was somehow broken. It wasn’t terrible. But it was a change. And changes can give you a jolt.
My first TV was a black and white RCA, with rabbit ears. The TV stations didn’t broadcast 24 hours a day. They ran a test pattern before programming started in the afternoon, and you’d watch carefully to see when the test pattern flickered, because that happened before the programming really started. Now the TV we watch is in full color, sometimes in stereo, on a flat screen the size of a city bus. That’s quite a change.
Changes often cause problems. And of course problems often cause changes. There’ll be a story about a big change in a guy’s life in the new Personal Audio CD I’m working on. The story is called, “I’ll Call You.”
Changes can make loud sounds in your head. The guy in the story was having a hard time trying to turn down the noise long enough to hear a woman’s smiling voice again. His little daughter noticed. And she helped. Daughters really care.
“I’ll Call You” is from the new Personal Audio CD I’m working on. I may call it Bedtime Stories 2. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. And if you’d like to hear more stories like it, just check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.
It was such a relief to get the TV back up and running. I was running back to the internet every hour or so to see what was changing in the world. Some changes happen and you don’t even notice. When’s the last time you called somebody a Rat Fink. Do you even remember fender skirts, and curb feelers and running boards ? And on the other side of it, you keep waiting for some things to change, because you know they will, but it gets to be like watching the test pattern on the old black and white tv…watching for the flicker that meant it was going to change into a program. Take the word “Movie” for example. It’s a word that describes pictures that move. It’s been around for a long time. I don’t know when it will change, but I know it will. We don’t call them talkies any more.
I guess it wasn’t the lack of TV that messed with my head a little. It was the change in what I usually do. I was hugely relieved when it seemed ok to go back to doing what I usually do again. Changes can make nasty noises in your head. They can get you as confused as a baby in a topless bar. But Louie Louie folks know that you can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen in your life. Some kind of good change. Like the change that happened in my head that started a love song playing, the night when I met my Lady Wonder Wench.
Lots of years and lots of changes. What a relief that my Lady and I can still believe our love songs.