Archive for October, 2012

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Unlike my Louie Louie Lad, I was never dumb enough to stop believing in Santa, the Easter Bunny, or birthdays … I looked under my bed on Easter morning to see if the Bunny had left me some candy long after I grew too big to actually “believe” … and when I started living with the Lad, he always remembered for me.  Now isn’t that nice? As the new book says, our world is pretty special.

 But he still won’t let me have a dog!

Thank You For Your Visit

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black-leather poppa chair in my living room feeling pretty good about the fact that I haven’t let a window of opportunity slam down on my fingers. I caught this one in time. The new book is done. The rules of the publishing agreement kick in on November 4th. That gives me until then to give a little something back to you for being part of this huddle. So if you’d like a free download copy of Staying Happy, Healthy and Hot…the story of the Louie Louie Generation, just drop me a note at . I can’t send the finished book, but I can send the final draft which is basically the same thing, but only until November 4th…and I’d really like to give you back some of what you’ve given me for a long time.

I have a hunch you don’t know how special it is for me to have you come to visit on this podcast. You’re busy. Everybody’s busy. It sometimes seems like life is either passing you by or running you over. But coming here each week says that you and I share some important understandings. Like, time outs are an important part of any game. So stop and catch a laugh once in a while…or a tear. And isn’t it fun to strip away the phoney tinsel of most of our lives, and look for the real tinsel underneath. And just because we may not look like the people in the beer commercials any more, with their perky breasts and fancy abs, there’s damn well no reason to just let ourselves turn into slabs of luke warm meat. And there’s a time for loving and a time for leaving. Sometimes, if you get lucky, the space between the loving and the leaving is a life time. Sometimes it gets crushed into just one very magic moment. But when you think about it, that’s lucky too, because what an explosion that causes. I think the reason you come back for a visit each week is that you understand these things. You know I live my life in my own world. And I want you to know that you’re welcome here in my world any time.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the curret podcast.

1- Why do members of Canada’s Parliament need to wash their socks more often?

2- What strange accusation did Congress make about the Lone Ranger and Frank Sinatra ?

3- Name one result of the 1923 declaration by the US Attorney General that it was legal for women to wear pants ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Sometimes stuff dawns on you. Like I remember when I got dumb enough to stop believing in Santa Claus…that was the year I began getting underwear for Christmas. Dumb. I was having dinner at a restaurant with my Lady Wonder Wench tonight, and all of a sudden it dawned on me that the signs were sending mixed messages. There was a guy and a girl sitting at the bar, and the video game screen in front of them said Poker. And I wonder why he should do that. She wasn’t giving him a hard time. But the sign said poker. Dumb. There was a red sign over a small door in the back of the room that said excite. EXIT. I started wondering what was going on behind that door. And in the men’s room there was a sign that said wet floor. I will not. Mixed signals can cause problems when you’re dining out. There’s a story about a dinner date in the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio CD.

When you think about it, some of the things that you remember for your whole life happen only in your fantasies. What a risk they were taking, the man and woman in that story…with such a precious fantasy. But…losers take chances…winners risk courage.

The Dinner Date is from the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio CD. If you like it, you can keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page.

Thank you for visiting my world. Really. My big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair sits in the living room of this home that has dozens of places to curl up with a good book. The music plays through a sound system that was designed and built by our Tall Guy Son Eric. My Lady Wonder Wench and I get to go to a restaurant with tall dark wood booths, well aged wine, and the waiters know what we want. It’s a world full of the smell of rain when the first fat drops sink into the hot earth. We have soft breezes and thunderstorms, and the soft splat of spring snow. She’s a laugher and a smiler…my lady…a smiler the way only she can smile.

Thank you for visiting my world. There are so many memories of things we’ve done here…and so many dreams of things to come…and you’ve shared so many of them with my Lady and me. That’s what the new book is really about…our laughs, tears, hopes and fears. It’s not about looking at life through rose-colored glasses. It’s about happily looking through bi-focals that still get steamed up, and sometimes a little teared up, as we watch the Summer of our lives turn to Autumn gold.

Thank you for visiting my world. You’re welcome any time.


Friday, October 26th, 2012

Hi Group, Mother Nature will be throwing a hissy-fit on the East Coast during the next few days, and I want you to know that my Lady Wonder Wench, Big Louie and I will be thinking about you. I wish we could do more than that. I wish we could grab hands and hang on together, but that obviously won’t work. Please don’t take chances. There are a lot of trees around my house, and I’m planning to take Lady W.W. to a nearby cheap, concrete hotel… strictly to protect her…of course. As soon as I post this, I’m going to check the generator, because power could be out for a while. Food should be ok, because I’ve been hoarding crunchy peanut butter for a while. Better check yours.

Because there could be power problems when the new blog and podcast are scheduled to go up this weekend, I want you to know about a freebie that I’d like to give you. It’s a small thank you for coming to visit in my world each week. I’m not sure you understand how special that is to me.

Here’s the deal. Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot is the title of the new book. It’s finished. Until the publishing deal kicks in on November 4th I’d like to send you a free, no strings attached download of the final draft. I can’t send you the completely finished book, because of the publishing deal, but they can’t stop me from sending you essentially the same thing with the final draft.  final cover (2)

No strings attached. Just send me an email to and let me know you’d like the download.

Please be careful when Sandy hits. She’s going to be mean. You’re important. Our “huddle” isn’t very big. And we need you here. It would be neat if you’d let me know you’re ok when Sandy moves on.

I like to kid you. But this is no kidding. This is, I really care.

Dick Summer

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

Angela is one of the few Louie Louie Lasses in this world whom I will not throw thunderbolts at for touching my Lad … I mean, really touching his back with those fingernails.  There is no way I could even begin to compete with her in that respect.

 But … that’s as far as it goes, And believe me, she knows it, Lasses of the world.

 It’s only a back scratch, after all … but I am well aware of how that simple act of kindness can lead to other, more intimate moments … only not in my house … or office … or kitchen … or anyplace …and besides, I can scratch backs too …

Angela’s Fingernails

Saturday, October 20th, 2012
  1. I am sitting here on my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and Angela is sitting right here on my lap. In a few minutes, if all goes well, she will be scratching my back. I have never met anyone who could scratch my back like Angela. Not even my Lady Wonder Wench. One of the reasons she’s so good at back scratching is that she has seven fingers. No kidding. She wasn’t originally called Angela…that’s a name I gave her in honor of an evening I’ll never forget. I was on the air at WNBC radio in New York. I was reading a live commercial, when I heard the door open behind me. I didn’t think anything of it, because it was late at night and the maintenance guys were always dropping in to do their thing while I was on the air. But all of a sudden, right in the middle of the commercial, something that felt like 12 inch long fingernails dug themselves into my back, and slowly moved up toward my neck. I think the commercial ended something like, “so buy some Gezornenplatz. Gilts nits ark.” That was my introduction to the original Angela in my life. She was a friend of my sister in law Peg’s, and they had decided to drop in on my show for a visit. I sometimes miss the broadcasting business. Especially the Christmas parties. You could always count on having the stockings hung with care, and lots of other clothes scattered all over the place.

But I digress. Back to Angela. The Angela sitting on my lap right now doesn’t look anything like the Angela who dropped in on my show that night. The Angela sitting right here in my lap has a figure like a stick, and as I said she has seven fingers, but I have to tell you when she gets going, things heat up fast. But so far, my Lady Wonder Wench doesn’t get jealous when she gives me a back scratch. In fact I even occasionally take her to bed with me. Our relationship is intensely physical, but she can’t get pregnant…and for the gutter minded amongst you, (which pretty well describes most of our group) don’t jump to conclusions… no she is not a blow up doll. Angela is so sexy that I have lent her to several of my buddies, and they all had big smiles on their faces when she was finished with them. Big Louie always says, “Back scratching is one of the reasons that the lord gave us marriage. Some places on your back you can’t reach by yourself.”

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1- What’s the bad news for people turning 75 years old this year ?

2- What’s the least believable poll ever publisher?

3- Why don’t women drive cars in Saudi Arabia ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

There’s a poll out now that says American boys have their first sexual experience at the age of 17, and girls at the age of 18. Times have changed. My Lady Wonder Wench wasn’t allowed to look into a full length mirror till she turned 21, and at the age of 17, I hadn’t even had a slice of French bread. Maybe that’s why I know so little about women. I had to wait at a drug store to have a prescription filled the other day, and I was looking at the women’s magazines covers. Not the insides…no Louie-Louie guy would actually open a woman’s magazine. Some of the articles that were mentioned on the covers were kind of interesting. So I started thinking how the questions they were asking might be answered in a man’s magazine. For example: Women’s magazine article: “How to stop those silly little fights.” Reply in Guns and Ammo magazine, “A Glock would work nicely.” Woman’s magazine: “Real Women’s Secrets.” Reply in Penthouse: “Inflatable Dolls Don’t Talk. ” Woman’s magazine: “A Field Guide To The Mature Male.” That almost threw me, because I don’t know any mature males, so there can’t be a magazine devoted to them. But let’s make one up. We’ll call it Gentleman’s Humor Magazine: You know about the Gross National Product ? The gross national product is Preparation H. Why don’t women think gross jokes are funny. My Lady Wonder Wench says they’re just silly.

Sometimes silly stuff gets some serious results. There’s a story about that in the Night Connections 3 Personal Audio CD. It’s called, “The Bra Dragon.” There are some lessons in it. For example, when a woman cuts her hair short, watch out. She’s determined to make some heavy duty changes. That’s why the woman in the story washed the sheets right away. And she’s going to wash his pillowcase any time now. Any time. Soon. She says. But I don’t think she will until her hips stop remembering.

The Bra Dragon is from the Night Connections 3 Personal Audio CD. If you like it, you can  download it from the Night Connections 3 icon on the home page, or you can listen to it in the current podcast.

If you have a lot of allergies, and you seem to be itching and scratching all the time, wouldn’t it be wonderful if Angela could slip into your cave, and take care of business ? Allergy itching and scratching has only one thing to be said for it. I figure it was during allergy season when Abner Doubleday was doing all that itching and scratching, is when he got the idea for major league baseball. Baseball is just an excuse for guys to stand around with a bunch of other guys and itch and scratch. Or at least that’s what it seemed like at the end of the season for the New York Mets. The hitting got so bad that guys forgot. One of the guys got so disgusted with striking out so often, he threw his bat down on the ground and missed. The next guy up actually hit the ball, then he had to turn around to the umpire and ask “What do I do now ?” It was terrible.

But back to Angela. I have to tell you that when I really can’t reach that scratch all the way in the middle of my back, Angela, with her collapsible handle that opens up to about 3 feet long, and her seven metal fingers is my kind of back scratcher.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

There are some things that just will NOT work … and trying to take a shower to get clean and wash my hair while the Lad is breathing down my neck … or someplace … is one of them.  Oh, he starts out just fine; and when I first came home from rehab he was helpfulness personified.  But that has all changed now and if I don’t put a lock on the shower door I would be walking around smelling like soap with undried hair.  And that is not a pretty sight.

 Besides, there is always AFTER the shower …

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I’m going to have to stay here for a little while. This has been a long, tough day. The only thing that’s holding me together right now is static electricity. I am looking forward to finding the energy to go take a shower. A shower is the third of Big Louie’s six super satisfactions.  Number one is sex, number two is steak, number 3 is a shower, number four is scratching an itch, number 5 is a flashing a smile and number six is grabbing a snooze. The six big s’s for satisfaction. Sex, steak, shower, scratch, smile, snooze.

 Everybody loves a shower. You get out of your crummy clothes, you stick one hand under the water to get the temperature just right, and you climb in the shower stall or tub. The warm water sinks into every pore. You grab a handful of shampoo, and scrunch it around on your scalp. The warm water and the bubbles do a slow, warm slide down your forehead, and over your eyelids, and down around your cheeks. Then it splashes down around your neck, and it sinks into your shoulders, and your back…all the way down around your backside and your privates…and the warmth sinks into the muscles of your legs…and all the way down around your ankles and toes. Ohh that feels good.

 The day my mom stopped giving me a bath, and let me take a shower all by myself, was like a transition from being a baby to kidhood. I was never afraid of falling down the drain with the water, but mom did everything enthusiastically, including toweling me off at the end of the bath. I remember thinking I hope she not trying to erase me. And mom didn’t really explain what to do in the shower. After all this time, I’m still not sure I’m doing it right. For example, I don’t think I’ve ever specifically washed my feet. They’re standing there in the suds, but I don’t really wash them. Maybe that’s why people bite their fingernails  but not their toe nails. Some of those toe nails look pretty nasty. And I think only women ever really wash their backs, because the only way to do that is by buying one of those big sponge things that no guy would allow into his bathroom. My Lady Wonder Wench has one of them and boy can that thing suck up water. It made me wonder how deep the ocean would be if there were no sponges lurking on the bottom. If pollution ever kills off the sponges, all our coastal cities better head for the mid-west. And one of the really difficult decisions in all of hygiene happens in the shower, at least for guys. I don’t know about women. But when a guy is standing there happily singing Louie Louie because it sounds so good bouncing off the walls, and all of a sudden he’s  got to pee, he’s faced with an executive decision. Does he do the hyginecally proper thing, just cross his legs and hobble across to the porcelain facility, or does he give in to the little voice in his left ear that says…just look up at the ceiling and pretend your mind has no connection to anything below your navel. And what do you do about your ear-ee canal. That’s ear-ee, not Erie. You know you’ve got to get the wax out of there, but you can never get the washcloth deep enough, and you always get a gallon or so of soapy water stuck in there which makes even Louie Louie sound kind of thumpy as you zoom into the last verse. Of course all of these things are concerns to guys only when showering solo. That’s not the only way to shower. Remember, it’s sex, steak, shower, scratch, smile, snooze.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answer are in the current podcast.

1-   Why would the guys at the Vatican be interested in a Long Island sport report from last week.

2-   What kind of criminals would steal a truckload of Viagra?

3-   Why do women blink twice as often as men?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.


Sex, steak, shower, scratch, smile and snooze. Big Louie’s super satisfactions. There’s a story in the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio about a woman who liked to enjoy several of them at the same time. It’s called, The Shower Lady.

 After three years, the Shower Lady got an email from Nicholas last week. He’s back in Russia. He wants her to come and visit. There is another man in her life right now. A good man who treats her with love and respect. But she can’t seem to help herself. She’s packing some scented candles, and French milled soap for the trip. Nicholas paid such …sensual attention.

 The Shower Lady is from the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio CD. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page.

 Taking a shower, and being sent to the showers have two very different meanings. But my Lady Wonder Wench no longer seems to enjoy confusing the two. She will no longer take a shower with me even though I have explained to her the financial and ecological  advantages of saving hot water. She said something about wanting to actually get clean, and how water turns me into a mammal with two legs and 8 hands. I have told her how surprised I am that she would think that as a Louie Louie Lad, I can’t be trusted to behave in a mature and gentlemanly fashion. But it didn’t wash. I think it was the word mature that was a little out of line. She mentioned a recent flight in our little airplane when I forgot that she was sitting in the right seat watching me. I  fastened the seat belts, ran the start engine, avionics and takeoff check lists, started the engine and turned on the radios. All very grown up and professional. Then I taxied to the runway, and in a perfectly gentlemanly, professional and mature fashion I called for takeoff clearance from the tower. But then I blew it. When I powered up for the take off run, I forgot she was watching and that sound I sometimes make happened…it was automatic…I didn’t mean it to happen. It was the same sound guys make when we’re little kids. “Varrrruuum !” It slipped out. I wasn’t thinking about the mortgage, or the situation in the middle east, or even how pretty she looked. My head was all full of Varrrruummm!

 No matter what you might think, it’s not like I am merely a childish, immature, sex crazed jerk. I mean I may be that. But it’s not my fault that she turns me into a one man gland. In sports when you strike out you get sent to the showers. In real life, my Lady Wonder Wench kicked me out of her shower.

 The way I see it, I have two choices. I can try getting her to change her mind by sticking out my lower lip and walking around all droopy and nasty. Or I can forget about Louie’s six super satisfactions; sex, steak, shower, scratch, smile, and snooze, and try something different. There are a couple of ways of cleaning clothes. You can pop them in the washing machine, or you can take them to the dry cleaner. Instead of taking a shower, I wonder if I could just give myself kind of a dry cleaning. I could go over myself with an art gum eraser and a whisk broom. Ha, ha. Varrruuumm, bruuuuum.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Now I know all you Louie Louie Lads are saying, “Sheesh, does she have to hit him, for Pete’s sake ?”  Well, of course I do ‘cause if I didn’t Katherine Zeta Jones would have an open field to get at my Louie Lad and that just isn’t gonna happen.  And to be real, now, I don’t think my light taps are doing his muscles any great harm.  I’m a woman, y’ know, and I do not lift weights or do pushups like our granddaughter Sarah.  I don’t even throw 50 pound bales of hay anymore, although I used to … sigh … and although K. Z. Jones is younger and more “star material” than I am, she does not know how to run the radios in the Lad’s plane, does not know how to smile at just the right time to get his limbic system going haywire, and does definitely not know how to cook his hamburgers.

Do I want to be KZJ?  Nope.  That’s why I give him a very light tap on the shoulder sometimes, to remind him I’m here …

The Louie Lad Shoulder Slam

Saturday, October 6th, 2012

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room enjoying an injury that I have suffered at the hands of my Lady Wonder Wench. Actually the injury was caused by the fist of my Lady Wonder Wench. Her left fist. I have come to call this frequently inflicted injury, the “Louie Lad Shoulder Slam.” I have noticed that it’s an injury that many of my fellow Louie Louie generation guys seem to enjoy frequently. It can happen any time a Louie Louie lady’s fist is near her Louie Lad’s shoulder, and he’s making wise cracks. But it seems to happen most frequently when he’s driving their car.

We just got back from a trip to a restaurant that featured lots of Louie Lad Shoulder Slams. I said, “I want you to order the most expensive meal on the menu. Go for it. Get the double whopper with cheese. (Wham) I told her “Please stop giving me a hard time for my bad table manners, they were my mother’s fault. When I asked her if I could lick the bowl she always said, “No flush it like everybody else.” (Whap) I said “I’m doing all the driving from now on, because I’ve noticed that when you drive, more and more people have been yelling at you, and a significant number of them are lying on the hood of the car.” (Pow) I told her “Just because I have such an infectious smile, you shouldn’t be afraid of kissing me when we get home.” (Thwap) Then she said, “You just missed the turn. Why can’t you ever remember that turn.” I said, I tend to forget my mistakes because why should two people have to remember them forever.” (Pow, Pow, Blam.)

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.  

1- What made some astronauts want to open the window in space ?

2- What are 100% of the guys listening to this podcast trying to do, that only 30% will be able to accomplish?

3- What’s the answer to the question, “What were you doing New Years Eve?”

Dick’s details. They take your mind off your mind.

I was thinking about why I really enjoy the Louie Lad Shoulder Slam. When she punches my shoulder she’s really saying some things…like, “I get your joke.” But she’s also saying “You belong to me, and that makes me feel safe, because I can hit you and it doesn’t hurt you because you’re strong.” And “I know the guys would laugh at the kind of stuff you’re telling me, but I’m not a guy, and I like that I’m not a guy and you are.”

I know there are still some people who would call me a male chauvinist, because I like being a man, and I’m glad my Lady is not just not a man…she is a lady. That’s the way we are…my lady and me. Some people are soul mates, we’re flesh and blood partners. To each his own. Some people work at their relationships, we have fun in our romance. Whatever you do, go for it.

I welcome people of all kinds to our group. All colors, all sexes, all religious and political persuasions, all philosophical perspectives…except…except the emotional terrorists. No macho guys please, and no screaming feminists…because they spoil the fun. They make people uncomfortable, and they’re useless in terms of filling any emotional need except the urge to scream, smirk, and shame people who don’t see it their way. I guess I’m ranting. Don’t mean to. But I had to put these feelings into words. It’s the result of an Email that I got about one of the stories in the Night Connections 3 Personal Audio called, “It’s Not Your Fault.” It’s about a guy who got a sledge hammer slam from his girl.

He got over it. It took a long time. In fact it took 3 years. To make a long story short, a beautiful woman took him by the hand and never let go. I don’t know what happened to the woman in the story. Whatever happened to her, and her lover, I wish them much happiness. And I suspect by now, the guy in the story feels the same way.

“It’s Not Your Fault” is from the Night Connections 3 Personal Audio CD. If you like it you can just record the podcast or download it from the icon on the home page.

I like it when my Lady Wonder Wench gives me a good, hard, Louie Lad Shoulder Smack. It means she’s glad I’m the man in her mind, and in her heart. I’ve got a pretty tough shoulder…and every time she smacks it with her fist, she’s just making it a little softer…a little more tender…she’s making it a little more of a safe and comfortable place to rest her head.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

You’d think a Louie Louie Lass would be inwincible (sorry, couldn’t help myself; that word is from a favorite movie of mine) … invincible, if you must.  So if that’s true, why am I so damned tired?  Mainly because very pretty granddaughters are young enough to stay up till three a.m. without blinking … and I am not.  The Lad and I had two granddaughters here for a few days and I think it will take me about a week to get caught up.

 One of them is going into the Air Force – better look out, whoever is in charge, because that child will be running the place before very long.  And she has an uncle in the area who’s a sheriff, so don’t try any silly stuff with her.  Does it sound as though I’m proud of Sarah?  You bet …

 And I know my job is to shoot down the Lad’s blog … but I can’t keep my eyes open … so I’ll make up for the lack next time.

 … zzzzzzz …