Archive for September, 2011

Lady Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

“I see you,” dearest of Louie-Louie Lads …

 I have seen that “mirror face” before, usually when you are very tired or very worried, but it never lasts long.  Do not concern yourself about it; just listen when that voice yells.

 Did you all know that brown squirrels can have white feet?  Yes, I saw one when the Louie-Louie Generation king of the road pointed him out to me.  Anyone else ever see that?  Or have someone who delights in unusual things and always points them out?

 There is just one small (large?) difficulty with this almost grown up former disc jockey turned commercial turner out.  He won’t let me have a dog.  Or a horse.  Which I couldn’t ride or run after anyway, but still !

 And if any of you have a short moment to send good vibrations, please do so this weekend for Babsi.  That particular lady helped big time to save my life a couple of years ago and she is riding in the Devon, PA dressage horse show this Saturday and Sunday.  Dressage is what the Austrian Lippizaner white horses do, all that fancy stuff strutting and looking gloriously elegant.  Although Devon isn’t quite as big as the Olympics, trust me, anyone who can ride at Devon would much rather do that than eat.  Babsi is an international rider, jumps and does all the elegant stuff possible.  So wish her luck …

 And hands off my  Lad in his Speedo …

Mr. Fist In The Face

Saturday, September 24th, 2011

It’s comfortable sitting here in my big, black, leather pappa chair in my living room…which is good…because I  had a head snapping experience today. A total stranger, suddenly stuck his face into my bathroom mirror this morning. It was quick. All of a sudden, he was staring me down, just a fist’s distance away from my face. It was like I was playing peek-a-boo with some sinister, Mr. Fist In The Face…and a little voice in my head said he had something important to tell me.

 Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want the National Peek-A-Boo Players of America to start a boycott against me. No one looks forward to a peek-a-boo session with a baby more than I do…as the politicans might say. Peek-a-Boo is probably the oldest game known to man kind. I think it’s built into our genes. When a baby is born, the doctor slaps it on the behind to get it to cry, so it will breathe. If I were the doctor, I’d be terribly tempted to make it start laughing instead, by pulling my surgical mask down from my face, and saying, “Peek!”

 “Peek-a-Boo, I see you.” The littlest kids understand when you hide your eyes and then say, “Peek.” And they like it even better when you cover their eyes, then take your hand away and say, “Peek!” Wow! You made the whole world disappear, and then you brought it back when you said, “Peek!” again. You have become a God like figure to the kid. “The Lord of Laughs.” Not a bad idea. In fact, it sounds like when you get a little older, if you’re lucky enough to find someone in your life who likes to play with you…somebody who has an actual sense of humor, a quick game of adult Peek-A-Boo might put a twinkle in both your wrinkles. 

 Peek-a-Boo, I see you. That’s one of the key lines in the Avatar movie. Not the peek-a-boo part…the “I see you” part. In case you’re one of the fifteen people in the Western Hemisphere who hasn’t seen the movie, I won’t spoil it for you by telling you too much about it. But the whole thing revolves around the idea that most people don’t play Peek-A-Boo-I-See-You any more. Almost nobody ever really sees you any more. Or me. Or anybody. Not even your husband or your wife, or your kids, or your best friend…nobody. Most people don’t even see themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t see the reflection of the face in the mirror. It means they don’t see the person who’s making the face. The person inside the face. The YOU in the mirror…and in your life.

 I think I saw that guy this morning. Mr. Fist In The Face. For the first time in my life I saw him. I didn’t recognize him, although I knew it had to be me. And there was something I didn’t like about him. I was trying to shave, but the shower steam had the mirror all fogged up, so I wiped a little circle in the mirror, and started leaning in very close so I could see what I was doing. I got about four inches from the mirror, and all of a sudden…zap. There he was. I was shocked. I put my fist up to measure the exact distance from the mirror, because I knew I’d want to go back and find him again…eventually…after I calmed down.

 I’m probably the happiest guy you’ve ever known. Mr. Fist In The Face wasn’t  happy. But he didn’t seem un-happy either. He wasn’t smiling. And he wasn’t scowling. He just looked…powerful, un-emotional, and very much in control. I’m a pilot, and I have an auto-pilot in my plane. And he looked very much like he might have been the auto-pilot in my life. I’m not kidding about this. And I suspect that one of this guy’s buddies is probably hiding in your mirror too.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

 1- Why did ancient Egyptian priests have to take so many cold baths ?

2- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and John Adams all played marbles. How come Ben Franklin didn’t ?

3- What do guys in singles bars try to get women to do every Saturday night ?

 Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 Maybe I’m making more out of this Mr. Fist In The Face than it’s worth. But it no kidding got to me. Suppose…just suppose for a minute…that it’s really the face that goes with the voice in your head…the one that tells you things like, “This job isn’t going to work out.” Or, “Don’t land your plane.” That happened to me when I was about to land one night. A voice in my head said, “There’s something wrong…don’t land.” And a moment later, my landing light picked up a guy on a motorcycle… zooming down the runway. If I had landed right then, I’d have killed us both.

 That’s the same voice…a long time ago…that said, “Oh my God…I’ve got to have this woman in my life.”  It happened the first day that my Lady Wonder Wench walked into my studio at that station in Boston. She was in charge of scheduling the commercials, and she had to make some changes on the program log. She was wearing a plaid skirt with pleats, that swirled when she walked, and a sweater that seriously disrupted my chemical, electrical, and concentration systems, and a smile that she was half hiding behind long, shiny, soft brown hair. She held out her hand and introduced herself…and looked at me…and zap…it was like the electric shock you get when you walk across a carpet in your socks. Her eyes turned the whole room electric blue. She was the only woman who ever had the courage to let me look all the way…right into her eyes…without blinking…or turning away…right away…when I first met her. And what I saw there in her eyes was pride…and humor…and beauty…and dignity…and intelligence. I was seeing…her.

 A lot of questions came out of that first, “I see you” moment. I put them into a story called, “Who Are You.” It’s in the Lovin Touch Personal Audio CD. That  “I see you” moment cleared up one of the most important questions anybody can ask…”What are you going to be when you grow up?” All of a sudden, I knew what I was supposed to become. Happy. Just…happy. Sounds simple doesn’t it ? And it really is. But most people get stuck trying to use words trying to figure things like that our. And there aren’t any words…except maybe…Peek-a-Boo…I see you.

“Who Are You” is from the Lovin Touch personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the lovin touch icon on the home page.

 That startling guy I saw in the mirror behind my fist this morning was very powerful…and I really didn’t recognize him. If he is just an optical illusion, it doesn’t matter. But if he’s the face of the voice in my head, I don’t understand why he doesn’t look like I feel. And I want to know.

 Maybe I’m making too much of it. But I’m telling you…this peek-a-boo-I-see-you game can be powerful stuff. So, if you’re tempted to try this for yourself…to see if one of this guys’ buddies is hiding in your mirror too…be careful. This was a real head snapper for me. Don’t do it when you’re feeling very upset…or if you’re taking some kind of psychotropic drugs…because if you see him, it’ll probably give you a real head snapping too. 

 But don’t be afraid of that guy in the mirror either…”Mr. Fist In The Face.” Look him right in the eye. And have the guts to let him look right back into your eyes. He’s not a boogie man. Who knows…he might be just an optical illusion… or he might turn out to really be the face of the little voice inside your head…that tells you some very important things. That would make him something like your life’s auto-pilot. And I’m here to tell you this, because we all have an auto-pilot kind of voice in our heads. And if the auto pilot voice in my head didn’t tell me not to land the plane that night…it would have cost two lives.

Am I the only one who’s had this kind of experience ? How about you ? My Email is . And I’d love to hear from you.


Wonder Wench Writes/Dickie Quickie

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Endless Summer, yes … Speedo, NNNOOOOOO …

 Big Louie, you gotta talk to that Louie-Louie Lad of mine.  I know the trees have to change, the leaves turn and the winds blow.  I know he has to get that snow-blower in shape because he so loves to toss the white stuff 50 feet in the wrong direction (but he has such fun doing it) … and the fireplace is certainly cozy.

 But he seems to forget that he IS summer, at least around this house.  He smiles and the sun comes out on the stormiest day.  He laughs and the wind becomes a soft breeze just touching the corners of things.  He puts his arm around me … and the rest of the world goes far away.

 Don’t even think it, ladies.  I’m Polish and we do not give up our rights. But a Speedo?  Not gonna happen …

 I will let you all know the results of our “discussion” when we return from vacation.  Hey, if he can wear that damned Speedo, I CAN GO TOPLESS …




Tucking Summer Away

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Time to tuck another summer away. Sunrise, sunset. To everything there is a season. And this is the season when Summer falls asleep. The long, laughing, lazy, crazy, hazy days at the beach, the nights full of soft lovers voices under the boardwalk…Saturdays in the park, itsy, bitsy, teeny, yellow polka dot bikinis, roller coasters, Italian ice cups, baseball, the sound of crickets, and lawn sprinklers…you can feel them all slipping away…into fall.

 Time to tuck away the fireworks, hang up the hammock, and take one more turn around the grass on the lawn tractor. And for my Lady Wonder Wench and me, time to wrap the cape around this Summer’s memories. The ones that started in March with Met’s Spring Training. We’re taking our end of the summer trip up to old Cape Cod this week. I love the ocean…when it’s gentle…or even when it gets a little frisky. I can hear it in my head, even in the winter. 

 But I think there’s going to be a problem on the beach this year. I am packing my old Speedo that I’ve worn ever since I was a competitive swimmer…in college…a long, long, long time ago. It still pretty much fits me. But my Lady Wonder Wench is also packing that Godawful thing she bought me that she calls, “Your new trunks,” and she’s wearing that…wife look. You know the one that says something along the lines of, “I had a nightmare last night that you and George Clooney were fighting over me, and you won.” I knew this was going to happen ever since last year. Last year, while I was striding down the beach in my Speedo, she didn’t want to walk with me, and I distinctly heard her tell her friend Carine, that I was making it obvious that all men are not created equal. I took that as a compliment. But…maybe not.

 I used to go walking in the sand like I owned the beach when I was a Coney Island life guard, a long, long, long time ago. Can’t do that since I had a knee replacement. It WAS a long time ago…when girls first started wearing bikinis. I wasn’t used to that. I sometimes walked down the beach for hours and never saw a girl’s face. Us Louie-Louie Generation guys have been around for a long time. So have our Louie-Louie ladies. And we like that. Most of the time. There’s a story about watching the seasons spin around together in the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd, and in the current podcast. It’s called “For The Long Run.”

 I like that I know exactly the place on my shoulder where her head rests at night. I like that I can recognize her perfume. I like that when she has a bad dream, I can make it go away by just holding her hand…she smiles in her sleep when I do that. I like that she feels safe with me…she has done me the honor of allowing me to protect her for a long time.

 “For The Long Run” is from the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   Why was my friend Bob’s request for his vanity plate refused ?

2-   What’s the real reason homing pigeons can’t navigate with a magnet attached to their necks ?

3-   What keeps women in Ontario from going topless ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 To everything there is a season. Sunrise, sunset. My Lady Wonder Wench and I are New York Mets fans…for our sins. And our summer begins in late March, when we go to Florida to catch some Spring Training. I like that word…spring. I think they gave it that name so you could start listening for it in the middle of the night in March. Haven’t you ever listened carefully and heard little green stuff popping out of the snow ? That means Spring is coming.

 I know there’s a soggy, sweaty, stinky side to Summer. But Summer is my season. I love it. But it’s time. Sunrise, sunset. It’s time to tuck another summer away. To everything there is a season. My Lady Wonder Wench and I will be away for a couple of weeks. I’m not taking a computer, because a vacation is a vacation. So there won’t be a blog or podcast for a couple of weeks either. But I am taking my Speedo. Because I don’t care if my birthday suit needs some ironing. I look forward to walking in the sand in my trusty old Speedo all year long.

 I hate to tuck this summer away…but I’m pretty sure that if I listen closely enough next March…in the middle of the night when everything else is quiet…I’ll hear that little green stuff popping up.

 I know this Summer has to fall asleep. Because…sunrise, sunset… that’s the only way there can be another spring.