Archive for May, 2011

My Inner Brat

Saturday, May 28th, 2011

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, channeling my inner child. There he is…about six years old…sitting in the warm Coney Island sand, making a sand castle…trying to get a channel made just right so when the edges of the waves came in, some water would flow up into the pool he dug, behind the castle walls where the imaginary alligators lived. He’s a happy kid, about to have his first real fist fight…when another kid…a few years older…came walking along and purposely kicked down a castle wall.

It wasn’t much of a fight. My inner child just got so mad, he got bratty…jumped up, and smacked the other kid in the face…which neither kid really expected…and the other kid ran away. It was just a quick, automatic reaction that got my inner child the results he wanted that day…but occasionally got him in a lot of trouble as the years went on.

Change the channel to a few years later, and that same kid is starting the sixth grade. His voice is cracking, his face has pimples, and he is standing in line next to a girl by the name of Theresa, who was about the same size and shape as he was last June, at the end of the fifth grade…before summer vacation. But suddenly this September, Theresa is now taller than he is, and in many other ways, just as all of a sudden, looks nothing at all like him. And because she is taller than he is, he finds himself staring right at two of the places where she looks nothing at all like him the most. He’s not doing it on purpose…sort of. Theresa doesn’t seem to notice him, but the teacher, Sister Mary Knucklebuster does. And she has a hellfire, damnation, and stay after school while I call your parents look in her eye. Honest to God, the kid was just standing there minding his own business…feeling his pimples blow up, and hearing his voice crack as he’s trying to explain that he really needs to go to the boys room…right now.
It’s a Brooklyn kid’s rite of passage.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- What do lots of new parents like better than sex ?
2- What gives 9% of American men a shit eating grin ?
3- What’s a Louie-Louie Lad’s favorite way of saving water ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

All these years later, I still don’t know if Theresa really wasn’t paying attention, or if she was just faking it…so to speak. It is so hard to tell with persons of the feminine persuasion. Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation explained guys very easily. He said, “The way to find out if a guy is feeling sexy, is just check to see if he’s breathing.” He’s right. We’re guys. We’re easy.

Darwin says both men and women sprung from the apes. But I think women sprung a little farther than we did. Every time a woman takes something off, she looks better. It’s the exact opposite with a guy. Women always know where everything is. That’s why they always ask directions. We don’t. We need to look like we’re in control at all times. I have actually heard myself say “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are, and where we’re going.” The last time I said that was last Monday. My Lady Wonder Wench said something like, “Oh my god, we’ll never be seen alive again.” Ha. Here we are. So…it took a little while. We got to see things.

But do I like being in control. Always ready for any emergency. That’s why my Lady doesn’t expect me to help with the dishes any more. She knows I’m busy being ready for an emergency. They teach you that in flying school. Step number one is you’ve got to look and sound bored when you talk to your passengers. “Ah folks, you may have noticed that the left wing is on fire, and part of the right engine has fallen off. So…we’ll be landing a little sooner than scheduled.”

But seriously, I think most Louie-Louie ladies like it when their Louie-Louie lad knows how to take control when stuff hits the fan.

There’s a story in the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd, and in the current podcast, about a guy who lost control…and wishes he could get it back. It’s called, On The Prowl.

It’s about playground sounds, and squeaky boards, laughs and tears…the sounds of a love affair. And eyes…I like eyes. My Lady’s eyes are blue. So far, they seem to get larger when she’s looking my way. My life would be in very big trouble if that stopped happening…as I know it has for a couple of you. Maybe more than a couple of you.

I don’t know how I’d deal with it if it happened to me. But I got a note from a proud podcast participant named Anita just now. Maybe there’s a clue there. It says, Life isn’t about making it through the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

It’s a good idea…but I must admit…I’m not a good dancer.

On The Prowl is from the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

I like to channel my interior child. He was a semi-good kid. Good enough I guess. Except at times like when Theresa showed up after summer vacation looking like…that. I don’t know if most women like to channel their inner child. I don’t think my Lady Wonder Wench does.

I think my inner child would have felt a lot better about his exploding pimples, his cracking voice, and his quick trip to the boys room, if he could have known that eventually, I’d be changing the channel to the one starring my Lady Wonder Wench.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

Thank you for your comment, Don, but, not one single Louie-Louie Lass gets to be who she is without loving and needing that Louie-Louie Lad … in spite of what you guys think, WE would be nowhere without you.  ‘Course, there are times …

 Bless you …

 And a huge thank you to all you Lasses especially who have given me hugs and good wishes for my violin playing.  I do understand that none of you will actually have to listen to my screeching and plinking … I think it might be a good idea for me to take myself and those lovely musical strings out back somewhere where only the dog fox and the deer will have to be patient.  But someday …

 And are you all enjoying the memories my Louie-Louie Lad has created?  I think I even heard Big Louie His Own Bad Self chuckling and agreeing … now that is scary …

It’s Personal

Saturday, May 21st, 2011

Everybody likes lists. Even David Letterman. The only people who don’t like a list are standing on the deck of a ship in a storm. This is the second part of our fifth anniversary celebration. Last week we ran up the five most downloaded podcasts of the past five years on the podcast. On the current podcast, we run the top five most downloaded cuts from the Personal Audio cds.

 Number five this time around, is from the Lovin Touch personal audio cd. It was recorded a few years ago, but it was written a long time ago…when I met my Lady Wonder Wench. It’s called, Growing Up. And we have done that…for a long time. Ever since the days of Louie-Louie. Growing Up…from the Lovin Touch cd is the fifth most downloaded cut from the personal audio cds.

 Number four, is from the Bedtime Stories album. It’s another oldie but goodie, written a long time ago. My Lady Wonder Wench was my secretary. And one night, after work, we went to a coffee shop…and…nothing happened. That was an amazing night. It took her completely by surprise. Actually…it did the same for me. Nothing Happened is from the Bedtime Stories album, and it’s the fourth most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio cds this time.

 The third most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio cds this year, isn’t a story at all. It’s from the Quiet Hands album. And it’s called, A Helping Hand.

Some people think the stuff in the Quiet Hands album is strange. And it is. But lots of people say it really helps. So I say…hey…the price is right. It’s the result of the fact that I spent about 18 years as a hypnotherapist. I used to tell people that I stopped people from smoking, by talking people to sleep and then stealing their cigarettes. Memories from another life.

 The second most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio cds this year is from the Love Comes When You Least Expect It album. It’s called, Beauty and the Beast. That was a hard one to live through, a hard one to write, and a terrific relief to get it down in sound. It was like…yes…now I can let it go. Most of the time. Beauty and the Beast is the second most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio albums this year.

 The Biggie is coming up.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1- What are ladies who’ve had more than a couple of beers likely to say to guys they meet at a bar ?

2- What do American guys want our ladies to do with their too tight jeans ?

3- What seems to increase cursing in America ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 The most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio Cds again this year, is about something that I saw one day, while I was walking past a video store. There was a guy standing there, looking in the window…but not really looking in the window. Here. Let the story tell itself in the current podcast. It’s called, the Tiny Dancer.

 He was a pimple person, she was not. I couldn’t help but think he only went out that day, because his hair looked so good. But there was something about the way he was looking at her reflection that gave me a hunch that maybe some Louie-Louie-hood might soon start sinking in. The Tiny Dancer…is from the Night Connections album. And it’s the most downloaded cut from the Personal Audio Cds again this year.

 If you’d like to have any or all of these audios, just download the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to the home page, and download the audio from the appropriate icon.

 Year number five is in the book for the Good Night podcast. Thanks for being part of my life for a while. Now…let’s find out together, what’s next.

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

Reading lovely words is almost as wonderful as living them.  I get to do both.

So he doesn’t remember dates … my Louie-Louie Lad is worth a hundred dates, and then some. He remembers …

 A long time ago I really wanted to learn to play the violin.  Now that may not seem so wonderful … unless, like me, you come from a totally unmusical family.  Three brothers, none of whom know or knew which end of a recorder to blow through.  And four sons, three of whom are REAL musicians.  The rest of us just marvel.

 Okay, so … a violin?  Ye gads, that is going a bit far.  But hey, Louie-Louie Lasses can be just as stubborn as any Big Louie Lad you ever came across.  And there is no doubt about my stubborn streak.  And as I said, “he” remembers. 

 I am now the proud owner of a school violin … look out Big Louie, I’m gonna bow your socks off.  Because my left hand doesn’t work as well as it used to … you have to finger those strings, y’ know … I am doing a great deal of just plain practicing.  Nope, no music yet but musician son Dave has offered awfully good encouragement and musician son Mark just grins.  ‘Course, neither has had to listen to me either.  But even my friend Carine just winces and smiles … she’s a true  friend.

 And when I can play real music, I will let His Own Bad Self tell you …

Fifth Anniversary

Saturday, May 14th, 2011

This is our fifth anniversary. And some of you have been around since the beginning. Thank you for that. Since it is the fifth anniversary, I checked the podcast counter for the top five most downloaded podcasts of the past five years, and put them in the current podcast. And here’s how they came out:

 Number five was called Underwear or Lingerie…from April of 2008. It was about how what’s between the ears makes a big difference to what a lady is wearing…below the ears.

 Number four was the Wonder Wench Ski Fantasy from October of 2007…in which I fantasized about landing my small plane in the parking lot of a fancy ski lodge, and rescuing my Lady Wonder Wench from the clutches of a guy named Bill.

 Number three is from August 2008. It’s about great opening lines…like the one the frog tried on the princess that got him to kiss him, and turn him into a prince.

 Number two was a surprise from August of 2007. It was recorded as you sat with me on my back deck during a very quiet late summer rainy night.

 The most downloaded podcast of the first five years is from August of 2009. It was partially about Manhattan’s Midnight Maidens. It’s called, the Memory Movie.

 If you’d like to hear them just click 

Long before the next Good Night podcast anniversary, I’m hoping there will be a new Night Connections album. Night Connections 4. One of the stories that will be in it is about an anniversary. It’s called “The Perfect Stranger.” If you like it, I’ll send you a free download as kind of a fifth anniversary present…just to say thanks for listening. No strings attached. Just send your email address to .

 Next week on the podcast, we’ll run down the top five cuts from the Personal Audio Cds.

 My favorite blog from the past five years went like this:

 The public address announcer at Tradition Field in Pt. St. Lucie, Florida asked everyone to “Stand and  honor America as 8 year old Raquel (Somebody) sings our national anthem.” I don’t remember her last name. I wish I did. She walked out behind home plate and stood in front  of 6,000 people in all her 4 foot something, maybe 90 pounds worth of little girl splendor. She was probably the only person in the stadium wearing a dress. Pink, I think, with a little bow on top. She took a deep breath, and started to sing…

“Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,” It was a little girl’s voice…with just a hint that in a few years, it might sound a bit like Whitney Houston…but not yet.

“What so proudly we hail, at the twilight’s last gleaming.” I started thinking about how proud my Lady Wonder Wench and I are of our two little girls…grown up women now.

“Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, were so gallantly streaming”… The old guy in the row in front of me had one arm around his wife, and his other hand was holding a very ancient baseball cap over his heart. “U.S. ARMY” were the letters on the cap…probably circa World War 2. He stood as straight and tall and proud as my dad used to stand.

“And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air”… The old guy began singing along with Raquel…very quietly and a little off key…but singing. And Wonder Wench started singing along with him…singing and crying…and I knew she was thinking about her brother Bob. His simple white cross stands in the sand behind Otis Air Force Base on Cape Cod.

“Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there”…More and more of the people around us started singing…very quietly and a little off key…but singing…together.

“Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave”… All of us were singing now. Very quietly and a little off key…but singing. All of us. All around the field.

“O’er the land of the free”…Even I was singing. Quietly. Off key, I guess. But singing…and thinking about my Uncle Joe the B-17 navigator, and my brother Geoff who did a second tour in Vietnam because he knew the experience he got the first time around would save a couple of buddies. He was right. It cost him a chunk of his leg…but it doesn’t seem to matter to him at all. He’s another guy who stands very straight and proud.

“And the home of the brave.” We all sang it together…quietly…a little off key…. Little Raquel, my Lady Wonder Wench, me with my jacket that says BROOKLYN across the front, and about 6,000 other people who just came to enjoy a nice spring training baseball game together.

It wasn’t a huge majestic sound. It was really kind of quiet…and a little off key. But it was…all of us…together. I don’t think any of us expected that.

There was an almost embarrassed moment of stunned silence. Then someone in the bleachers cut loose with one of those long, loud, two fingers between the teeth whistles, and the place exploded with applause, and laughs… more than a few tears…and so much pride. So much pride we felt at that moment…together. You sometimes get a lot more than you expect when you go to a spring training baseball game.

It has been good five years. A little rough at times. But it has been good.

 Thank you. 

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

All I can say is … he’s mine, Louie-Louie Ladies, so hands off.

 No, I don’t know how it is that we seem to work so well together.  I remember a long time ago standing in church next to the man I was engaged to marry and realizing I couldn’t do it.  He was all anyone could ask for … but I knew I would rather be an old maid (ye gads, does anyone still think in those terms?  Louie-Louie Ladies sure did) than spend my life with him.  So I gave him back his ring and tried to explain to his dad that he hadn’t done anything to hurt me.  It was tough.

 And I pretty much resigned myself to maybe never having someone to share giggles with.  Until I met my Louie-Louie Lad … and the bomb went off and I didn’t give a damn what anyone said, I intended to spend my existence if need be, curled around the idea of being his woman.

 So far, I have succeeded.

Jelly Beans, Daffodils, and Bedtime Stories

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room…feeling a little choked up. My Lady Wonder Wench wrote a comment on the blog on Wednesday about the fact that I forgot our wedding anniversary again this year. She said, “My Louie-Louie Lad remembers me all the time…with jelly beans, and daffodils, and holding hands, and laughing at silly jokes, and bedtime stories. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting jewelry and candy and flowers and fancy dinners and marvelous blouses from very fancy shops. But I love my Louie-Louie Lad more.”

 That’s the kind of thing that will make a Louie-Louie Generation guy like me stand up very straight, and look her right in the eyes, and kiss her face until my fillings melt. She slips sexy notes into my shirt pockets. She plays with me, and laughs. She makes me feel powerful, because she lets me make her feel beautiful. I am some kind of lucky guy.

 I know a couple of you who get together with me for this podcast regularly are having your hearts wrung out right now. I know that’s the kind of thing that can make you begin to believe that nothing you always knew about somebody…and counted on…was real. You can begin to think that the things you did together never really happened. You can even begin to think that you’ll never let yourself feel anything again…in fact you can’t remember ever…feeling anything.

 I’m telling you about how good it is with my Lady, because you know we’ve been together for a very long time. And I want you to know that kind of thing really does happen. Sometimes it does work. I don’t know for sure if it will ever work for you…but you don’t know either…for sure…that it won’t. 

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-    What’s a big threat to Americans in bars ?

2-    What’s so kinky about an oyster ?

3-    What does a hippopotamus have in common with single guys

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 I was telling you that some of you who I know are reading this right now are going through some emotionally tough times. One of the guys is suffering from a big time attack of the what ifs. He’s pushing fifty now, and he realizes he blew it about 20 years ago. She was ready. But he was ambitious. There’s a story about that in the current podcast, and in the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd. It’s called, “The Prince of Fantasy.”

 Mike made a lot of money…that guy in the story. But right now, he’s thinking it might have cost him…something he can’t buy anymore. He’s still a real go getter…”you snooze, you lose” he always says. “The early bird gets the worm.” Yeah…but common Mike…why not calm down and have some bacon and eggs instead. As Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says, “It’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.” Mike’s got a lot of company. A lot of guys are more committed to success than they are to relationships…partially…that’s because success means power. And power is sexy. That’s a message guys get from a lot of women. Power is a big part of the price for sex. And that’s a big reason the circle just keeps going around.

 The story is called The Prince of Fantasy. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

 It looks like I hit the nail square on the thumb again. I usually live by the simple wisdom of Jay Leno, the infield fly rule, and Big Louie, his own bad self…who always says, “We’ve got to stop snarling when we talk to ourselves.” We’re always talking about things that go wrong. It’s like some tiny Darth Vader is lurking in our heads, whispering…”Come over to the dark side. We’ve got cookies.” I’m pretty sure I’m not the only guy who’s still in love with his girlfriend after a lot of years.

 Time for a quick poll: On a scale of 1 to 10…ten being best…what score would you give your love life… right this minute. Drop me an Email. Dick at Dick Summer Dot com. I’ll let you know how it works out next time.

 I’ve had about enough of the Dark Side. Tune in to any new channel, and about the most optimistic thing you hear is that, “Things aren’t getting worse quite as fast as they were yesterday. So have as nice a day as you can under the circumstances.”

 There are lots of fun, happy, goodies going on around us all the time. There’s a sign in front of the hardware store down the street that was supposed to say something about a special on screws, but today it’s saying something the guy who put it there didn’t mean because one of the letters fell off.  How about the feeling you get when you slip a silk handkerchief in your jacket pocket.  There was the first smell of rain hitting hot, dry, grass the other day. And the smile on the face of the waiter in the Japanese restaurant where we like to have sushi…because I remembered how to say, Domo Aragato. Listening to my Lady Wonder Wench snapping the bubbles in long strip of bubble wrap.

Sitting with her in front of a fireplace at midnight, listening to the wind suck at the chimney, swirl around the corner of the house, and send little twigs tapping on the window…remembering her standing there in my office…a long time ago…saying I’m here for the secretarial job.

 She was wearing a soft gray sweater, and a plaid skirt with pleats that made it flare a little. When she took a step the hem hesitated a little till it moved to catch up with her hips. She said, “I’m here about the secretary job.” But I was hearing, “I’m here because I’d like to be your girlfriend.” She really was my first girl friend. The first female person in my life who actually wanted me to get to know her. To see…her. And then…to touch her. And to bring her  jelly beans, and daffodils…and hold her hand, and laugh together at silly jokes, and tell each other long, long bedtime stories….

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

Let us get real, here.  A wedding anniversary is a date. A date is a date is a date … was it 1776 or was it 1775?  1940?  1941?  1965?  Obviously, some dates are highly important:  2001 … and now, 2011.

 But all I really remember of “our” date is the people at our wedding in the United Nations Chapel and our baby niece Julie crying in the background.  (She was wet and wanted to go home.)

 Y’see, my Louie-Louie Lad remembers me all the time.  With jelly beans … and daffodils … and stories from the Bathroom Reader.  Holding hands.  Laughing at silly jokes.  And helping me past the nightmares which still sometimes attack.

 I do NOT make faces at him or pout because he forgot.  Well … not really.   The actual fact is, we are together … and the date when that became official is really of little consequence.

 Don’t get me wrong … I love getting jewelry and candy and flowers and fancy dinners and marvelous blouses from very fancy shops.

 But I love more my Louie-Louie Lad.