I just took off my shoes…ohhh that feels so good. It’s like sneezing three times in a row, or long fingernails scratching your back, or a long…warm shower…releasing a belch that starts right behind your navel, or let’s be honest…there are few feelings as fine as the release of your personal fragrance of a combustible nature. Some would call that a fart.
From the time I get up in the morning, I look forward to the instant that my shoes come off at night. The smart guys in the white lab coats claim that depression, and irritability tend to be among the causes of flat feet. Seems to me that the frequent flapping of flat feet might be one of the causes of depression and irritability. And boy are my feet flat. And big. Very uncomfortable when I put them into my mouth…which…given what I have done for a living all my life…is frequently. But the heck with it. Let me do it just this one more time right now. I’ll clean this up as best I can.
My Lady Wonder Wench and I were walking past a couple of young ladies in the bar at the Applebees down the street, and we couldn’t help but over hear a quick snatch of their conversation…and it caused my Lady Wonder Wench to take a deep breath and then bust out into a very un-lady like shriek of laughter. Which surprised me, because I think of LWW as being pure of heart and soul…and that conversation had implications about some…very personal bodily organs.
I sometimes forget that one of the things I love about LWW is her very healthy limbic system…which lights up quite nicely on appropriate personal occasions. For those of you who might have snoozed through brain surgery school, your limbic system is the part of your brain that puts the go in your go cart…and the ssss in your sexy.
The part of the conversation we heard went something like this: Young lady number one said…”Yes, and I was so surprised, because he had such big feet.” Young lady number two just about exploded laughing. And so did LWW. I didn’t find it particularly amusing because as you may recall, I also have big feet, and I rather enjoy the boost that gives to my image and ego.
I was hoping that the young lady who made the statement knew better than to express her surprise to the gentleman involved at the moment. But since she was certainly of Pimple People age, and therefore lacking in the grace for which Louie-Louie Generation ladies are so famous…I’m not so sure.
As a precaution…Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation has compiled a list of some of the many other things a woman should never say to a man. Louie-Louie Generation ladies don’t need to be told these things, but for those of you who are studying to become Louie-Louie Ladies…listen up. Here are 20 of the most important things a woman should never say to a man:
#20- Please give me the channel changer. #19- If you don’t dry those dishes properly, they’ll be a mess. 18- Thanks but I can do it myself. 17- I need to talk. 16- Oh…I love it when you do that…right after mentioning some other guy’s name. 15- Do you love me? 14- I’ve seen bigger…(feet…of course.) 13- I can’t live without you. 12- You’re going bald. Look at that spot in the back of your head. Lady WW calls my bald spot, “The solar panel for a love machine.” And she loves my big feet too. 11- Here, let me try it. 10- Why do you always leave the toilet seat up ? 9- If you really loved me you would…take the day off and go with me to visit mother…or fill in your own “you would.” 8- Why didn’t you call me when you knew you were going to be late. 7- You’re not leaving yourself enough time. 6- Don’t eat with your fingers. Use your salad fork. Tuck your napkin in. Women are into that kind of stuff. They call it manners, but I think they’re just not as hungry as we are. 5- Who is more important, your buddies or me ? 4- Stop and ask directions. Turn here. Slow down. Stop. Why don’t you let me drive. 3- Your hair is getting kind of long isn’t it? 2- You shouldn’t have bought that. You already have one. Louie’s number one thing a woman should never say to a man is so terrible…I don’t know if you’re ready for it.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- What do people who don’t read books think about TV ?
2- Why would people in some states be glad if they only had one crooked tooth ?
3- What is the real definition of eternity ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
Never underestimate the power of your limbic system. As Big Louie always says, “Sex isn’t everything…but boy…it sure is something.” There’s a story in the brand new Night Connections 3 personal audio album about a lady whose limbic system is beginning to flicker at a very delicate moment in a very logical relationship. It’s called Long Ago Is Far Away.
The heart can be a lonely hunter. I get the distinct feeling that hers is going to find and track some almost forgotten footprints. She’s a good lady. I hope she finds another strong heart that’s just as lonely as hers.
“Long Ago Is Far Away” is from the brand new Night Connections 3 personal audio cd. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to the home page of this blog, and download it from the Night Connections 3 icon.
Ok. You’ve proven that you’re tough enough to hear Big Louie’s worst possible thing that a woman can say to a man. So here it is. Numero Uno. The walk off home run. The crusher. The worst thing a woman can say to a man. Quote: I TOLD YOU SO. Never, never, never, oh please…never say that.
If you’d like to hear Big Louie’s list of the things a man should never say to a woman, drop me a note at email@example.com , or just add a comment at the bottom of this blog.
And yes I really do have big feet. For a guy my size. I used to be 5-11. Probably closer to 5-10 now. Louie-Louie Generation Guys do get worn down…in part from the pressures of taking good care of our Louie-Louie ladies. And we do take care of them. Ask my Lady Wonder Wench. She now sometimes says “Size isn’t every thing.” And I like the way she purrs when she says it.