You’ve heard that “Time flies when you’re having fun?” Well time also flies when you drop your clock on a hard wood floor. I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather Pappa chair, with time on my hands. Sort of. Actually…it’s my living room clock…which I dropped and now it’s dead in little pieces on the floor. I was trying to set it to pick up the signal from some Godforsaken transmitter in the mountains of Colorado…which the government uses to keep clocks like this accurate. All I know about Colorado is that expensive people go to Aspen to mate.
My Lady Wonder Wench and I went to Colorado once so she could buy a horse. I was never clear as to why when we live in Pennsylvania, she had to go to Colorado to buy a horse. Have you any idea how many horses must have looked up at our plane and felt rejected. Guy horses must have a very high rejection rate when you think about it…because they’re almost always gelded…which eliminates them from most filly’s top ten horsing around lists.
Louie-Louie Generation guys don’t like the sound of the word gelded. I think the word vasectomy was probably invented by a Louie Louie Generation guy who was jogging home one day after having one. Let’s take a look at the word “vasectomy.” “Vasectomy” starts with the letter v. In order to say the letter v, you have to bite your lower lip with your upper teeth…try it. See ? Biting your lower lip with your upper teeth effectively keeps you at least for a moment, from whimpering. The rest of the word…hey think about it… a sect is a group of whackos who perform weird rituals…and “omy” is the kind of quietly dignified statement Louie-Louie Generation guys might well say when in great pain. So you have V, a sect, and omy. Put em all together and they spell vasectomy. I’ve heard it’s a delicate operation. One slip could change an animal into a pet.
I know I shouldn’t put you through explanations like that. But I am always so tempted. And for a Louie-Louie Generation guy, a missed opportunity to give in to a temptation may never come again. Louie-Louie Generation lads and ladies have been around for a while, but we don’t consider ourselves old. We call ourselves “brilliantly retro.” We have actual flesh and blood friends…as opposed to “Facebook” friends. And we can trust them. For example, I don’t worry about my buddy Al running off with my Lady Wonder Wench. Partly because I trust them both. And partly because she’s not his type. She’s not inflatable. My Buddy Bob, who, in his youth, has starred in a number of police chase videos, is now retired from a highly responsible job as an executive vice president. His retirement has given him the time for working on a tell all book. The working title is, “Better Management Through Finger Pointing.”
Bob hit me with an interesting question the other day. He’s really proud of his dog. He’s always saying things like, “My dog can lick your dog.” But the question he asked was, “How come a dog gets mad at you if you blow in his face, but take him for a car ride and he sticks his head out the window.” A heck of a question.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- What do pigs do that most guys would like to imitate ?
2- What should smart bats do when it’s time to migrate ?
3- What does Big Louie say you should do if you’re not enjoying yourself ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
There’s a story in the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd about a guy who just realized that he missed the time of his life. It happened so fast. The story is called, On the Prowl. You learn some amazing things when you’re a guy on the prowl. Like…how empty a crowded city can be…how quiet your phone can get…how your hands insist on holding on to so many memories that you’re trying to forget. If you like On The Prowl, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go to the home page, and download it from the Bedtime Stories icon.
Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says, “Lions roar, monkeys gibber, and people preach.” Louie’s no preacher. But he’s always asking people things like…”What would you really do if you were absolutely certain you wouldn’t fail.” He figures if you come up with a good answer to that question, maybe you ought to seriously consider giving it a shot.
Because time flies when you’re having fun. But you just never know when your clock is going to fall off the wall.