I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to come to grips with the fact that once again I was not described as the sexiest man in the world by People Magazine, which is probably the most popular magazine published by the Pimple People Press. You know how certain talking heads broadcasters always slam the main stream media ? Now as you know, Louie-Louie Generation gentlemen can’t be bothered slamming anybody, but we do know how to put things into perspective. So let’s put the Pimple People Press into perspective. In fact, let’s put the Pimple People into perspective
This is now several years in a row that I have missed being voted the sexiest man in the world. But generally, I’m handling the disappointment well I think. Because I know my limbics are in good shape, and theirs aren’t. As you know your limbic system is the part of your brain that makes you go “WHOPEEEE.” And it also gets you in trouble. So, like most Louie-Louie Generation guys, I understand and sympathize with the shallow thinking and questionable taste that is the trademark of the Pimple People in general. They simply don’t have our experience, our charm, our understanding of worldly affairs. And it’s not their fault. They’re kids ! They don’t have a clue. They’ve probably never even heard our theme song, Louie-Louie. We take control, and boost our sexiness levels simply by humming it to ourselves. Then we smile…and they have no idea what we’re thinking.
Pimple People can’t even figure out that the peak of a baseball cap is designed to keep the sun out of your eyes, not off the back of your neck. They stick pins in some places that look really painful. They wear clothes that are baggy enough to contain the person and a reasonably large refrigerator. And some Pimple People guys don’t mind sharing their girlfriends and wives with their buddies. And the girls don’t seem to mind a bit. I don’t understand that, any better than they probably understand me.
So as a public service, I thought I’d give the members of the Pimple People a list of what’s really sexy to one Louie-Louie Generation guy…me. Nobody can speak for all Louie-Louie Generation guys, because our tastes are so rich and varied. But here are the top ten turn ons for me.
10- The dance. George Harrison said it. “There’s something in the way she moves.” My Lady Wonder Wench will sometimes stretch, swivel her hips, smile, and sit down slowly. It’s like watching a soft sheet of raw silk unfold. I’ll bet fashion models practice moving like that in front of a mirror. It makes my eyebrows twitch, and my ears wiggle, and often it causes other even more basic physical reactions.
9- Her arm in a sleeveless summer blouse. It makes me want to kiss her…all the way up to where the blouse begins at the tip of her shoulder. That makes her tilt her head to that side and smile. She knows I don’t want to stop kissing her there…and I think she turns her head a little because she’s a little ticklish in certain feminine places. And she smiles because her limbic system lights up too.
8- I love touching her. Not just in sexy places. Actually, almost any place can be sexy. I love touching her face, or the smooth back of her neck, lying on a pillow in the moonlight filtering through our bedroom window…or in the first few minutes of dawn.
7- Has to be her eyes. Especially when they’re sparkling and laughing because she’s with me. I love looking into her eyes for a long, long, time. That makes the pupils of her eyes get very big, and then…sometimes they close very slowly. That makes me hope she’s seeing me inside.
6- She has a sultry voice. Soft, and smiling, and low. It comes from all the way inside her. It makes me want to know all of the most delicious thoughts that are making her laughs so smooth and sexy. And under some circumstances, I love the sound of that voice saying things only I am ever going to hear.
5- Walking into an empty bedroom, and catching the last wisp of her perfume. It makes me wonder…and fantasize…that the fragrance was all she was wearing. And I wonder what she’s wearing now. So much of sexiness is in the wondering. Wondering is what you do when you’re in the presence of magic. Not card tricks. Magic.
4- Her scent. I love her smell. Including her sweat. I love the look, the scent, and the feel of her sweat. It’s the opposite of “cool.” I don’t care for cool. I love passion. If I block everything else out of my mind, and focus only on her, for about as long as it would take to sing a particular song that we call our own…I know she will actually start to sweat. And I love her sweat. I love her smell.
3- Sharing a shower or a hot tub. Warm water washes away a lot of years and aches and pains. It makes me young again. It takes me back to my days as a young beach lifeguard at Coney Island. It really was even better than Baywatch showed you…in the waves…on the hot sand…and under the boardwalk. I didn’t know my Lady Wonder Wench then. Sharing a shower or a hot tub helps me time travel back all those years. But this time…with her.
2- I don’t think I’ll tell you about number two. I’ll just sit here and enjoy thinking about it. You’re very welcome to join me by sitting there and thinking about your own number two.
And number one ? Let me think about that for a minute.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- Why shouldn’t you let anybody get your horse’s goat ?
2- If a gun is pointed at you, what are you likely to do to the air around you?
3- Which is your most sensitive finger ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
I don’t think most Pimple People understand that sexiness is a lot more than meat meeting meat. I think they mostly miss the magic. There’s a story about that in the current podcast. It’s from the Bedtime Stories personal audio CD. It’s called “For The Long Run.” If you like it, you can just keep the podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to the home page and download it from the Bedtime Stories icon.
So…what’s my number one limbic system lighter ? My Lady Wonder Wench is a fanatic New York Mets baseball fan. So I sometimes call her my Baseball Babe. And she has some of the most dangerous curves known to mankind. So she makes my limbic system light up enough to play an all night game, just by pitching me any one of those curves. The poor pimple people wouldn’t understand.