My lady Wonder Wench is doing well enough to ask me to say thanks to everybody who sent emails, cards, flowers, balloons and Teddy Bears …so…thanks. Sheâ€™ll probably be in the hospital for another month or so, and then itâ€™s going to be another little while until sheâ€™s scratching my back, feeding me home made potato salad and giving me a good reason to want to wake up a little before she does so I can watch her sleeping next to me…again.
Batching it sucks. For those of you who arenâ€™t familiar with New York eese…batching is the way a guy lives when his partner isnâ€™t around. I used to have to do it when I was on the air, and also running the hypnotherapy office in New York. Lots of times Iâ€™d have to stay over night after the last client, because I was on the air early in the morning. And my Lady needed to be home with the kids.
Some of the guys at the station did the old wink wink nudge nudge routine when they knew I was batching it…as when the wifeâ€™s away the husband will play. I always just wanted to play with Lady Wonder Wench…even when there when major league opportunities for fun and games presented themselves. And that happens most nights in Manhattan.
We now live in a nice little house, on a pretty hillside in Pennsylvania. Good neighbors…especially Randy and Bernadette and their son Joe and daughter Emily next door. Itâ€™s a fine place, for a good life. Bill the mail guy usually drops in for a quick cup of coffee and an off color joke or two if he has time. Susan, who runs the little post office around the corner is a friend of ours. She even made me a home made pot roast the other night, which was a nice break from the tv dinners. Our kids live in different states, but they all manage to make it here for visits as often as they can. The guys at the little airport where I base my plane are…guys…real guys. Real friends. Itâ€™s a good place for a good life.
But without Lady Wonder Wench…I donâ€™t mean to gross you out…but life is a little like my friend Timâ€™s breath. Tim has a terrible problem with the bottle. Gin is his poison of choice. Heâ€™s a talented failure. You probably know somebody like Tim. Itâ€™s really sad. Heâ€™s not a bar hopper. He drinks at home… alone. He was married, but his wife left him last year. And even when heâ€™s getting his coffee at the 7-11 down the street…thereâ€™s a little trace of last nightâ€™s poison on his breath. It reminds me of life without Lady Wonder Wench.
The house is a little messy, but itâ€™s not a disaster. If you work it right, a guy doing some batching can make do with only one fork, and one cup. You need the cup for your orange juice, milk and beer. Tv dinners come with their own plastic dish. You can spread peanut butter and jelly on bread with a fork just as well as you can with a knife, and after youâ€™re finished eating, you can rinse off the fork, and even scratch your back with it…but itâ€™s more sanitary to scratch your back first…then wash it. That way itâ€™s ready for the next tv dinner.
All in all…sheâ€™s going to come home…eventually. And Iâ€™m getting by ok. The Binder Brothers are my main clients, and weâ€™ve been friends for years…so they understand that Iâ€™m sometimes a little late with things they need right now. All in all…itâ€™s going to be ok.
I just feel like Iâ€™m running around outside myself trying to find my way back in again.
1- Why do you want to keep ping pong balls out of your toilet ?
2- How can you tell when a Russian is lying ?
3- At the end of what kind of physical do you least want to hear the word “ooops?”
3- Right – Dining with a beautiful woman at the Four Seasons.
2- Right – Lunch with a beautiful woman at McDonalds.
1- Right – P.B. & J on whole wheat and a cup of coffee alone.
0- Right – Darfur.
Lots of thanks again…to lots of folks…some of whom Iâ€™ve never actually met in person…who have been very understanding about how whacko Iâ€™ve gone since Lady Wonder Wench got hurt. Iâ€™m beginning to get a grip again…my grip has always been a little slippery I guess…but Iâ€™m beginning to be able to get a handle again. And to answer the question at the top of every one of the Louie-Louie Generation ladies list…yes…I have been eating. In fact this morning when I got out of the shower and looked in the bathroom mirror, I saw what appeared to be my head sitting on top of what appeared to be a towel clad rhinoceros. Thatâ€™s a genetic problem in my family. I was born with an 18 inch waist, but a 54 inch mouth. Thatâ€™s why I had to become a disch jockey. But I really do have to get back to the push ups and the bike.
All in all the words of Big Louie his own bad self come time mind when he said:
Things wonâ€™t be the way you remember them again,
Although thatâ€™s what you might hope.
Things are just what they are for now,
So be careful or youâ€™ll slip on the soap.
Â Please…don’t slip on the soap.