Dick Summer Connection

I took a moment to stop and put my foot down on the pavement to steady the earth. I was breathing a little heavily…but then a pretty girl in short shorts and a tight tank top smiled and waved driving past…and I got a little distracted. So I did what any other former hunk lifeguard Louie-Louie Generation bike riding rascal would do…I said, let’s get on with the party…I grabbed my water bottle…took an extra long swig…and started pedaling again.

I ride my bike just about every day because I am always grateful that I don’t have a lot of things that I don’t want…like having my body attack me. But I like to huff and puff my own way. I hate organized exercise classes. The guys who run them have attitudes. I don’t need their attitudes…I’ve got one of my own. I think the only time you should attend an organized exercise class is very early in the morning… before your brain recognizes what you’re doing. Besides, when you sign up for an organized exercise class, they tell you to wear loose fitting clothes. If you had any loose fitting clothes, you wouldn’t be signing up for an exercise class.

Anyway…I started pedaling again…and we must have had an after shock from that first earthquake…because the pavement started pivoting to the left again…and there’s nothing like a second case of pivoting pavement to get your attention while you’re trying to ride your bike. This time, I actually got off the bike and sat down…trying hard to look like I was doing it on purpose for the people driving past in their cars. I took another long swig of water and figured I’d reach down and loosen my belt…but my fingers couldn’t find it. I had to actually look. It was turning into one of those days when, if somebody said, “Have a nice day,” you’d have to say, “Thank you, but I seem to have other plans.”

The truth is…I was scared. This never happened to me before. You know how your life flashes past your eyes in frightening moments… well, my life flashed by…and it seemed like I wasn’t in it. Who the heck was this guy sitting on the curb trying to catch his breath? I used to play hardball…and I was pretty good. I used to get intentional walks during batting practice. That’s not true…but it’s what I always tell my Lady Wonder Wench because I like to hear her laugh.

I started thinking about Wonder Wench while I was sitting there on the curb trying to catch my breath. I was afraid she’d happen to drive by and see me without my suit of shining armor. Then I thought about the question on the pilot license physical that says, “Do you experience dizzy spells?”…and I know you better check no on that one if you want to keep your pilot’s license. But then…fortunately… I remembered the advice of “Big Louie” his own bad self…he said, “You can always jump off that kind of bridge when you get to it.” I know I’ll get to that bridge someday… but not now. Not yet.

But it’s times like that when you almost wish you were young again. Of course, you can get rid of that kind of thinking by remembering pimples and algebra. So I started giving myself a pep talk. I said, “Self…it’s just the heat. Yeah! Right! This is still young blood…it’s just in an aging container!”

My life has always been a surprise party full of great stuff. A Lady I love… great family… some real friends… going to the beach… lying in bed listening to the rain…watching the sun slide over the horizon from the left front seat of a small airplane… Tchaikovsky in New York’s Central Park… being on the radio in my own home town…” She Loves Ya, Yeah yeah yeah”..and of course, “Louie-Louie…we gotta go.”

Gotta admit…I was feeling a little sorry for myself…and a little scared that the party was getting kind of late….until…I got to the top of heartbreak hill right up at the beginning of my driveway. And right on cue…a small breeze flipped the edge of the flag by our front door. A buddy of mine who used to listen to the “Good Night” PodCasts sent it to us. On the back edge…he used a felt pen to write some words that always make me stop…grab a little pride…and stand up a little straighter. “Camp Adder, Iraq, September 11, 2006.”

Suddenly…I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself anymore.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All the answers are available in the current PodCast at www.DickSummer.com

1- Why do New Yorkers spend less of their lives waiting for red lights than people in the rest of the country?

2- Who lies more…scientists or chimpanzees?

3- The revolving door was invented in 1895, leading to the invention of what common 21^st century job?

Scoring:

3 right – Party Animal.

2 right – Animal.

1 right – Party Pooper.

0 right – Pooper.

GOOF OFF ALERT! If you pop in here for a visit in the next few weeks, and you don’t see something brand new…don’t get upset. We’re not going away. My Lady Wonder Wench has been muttering …while putting the steak knives away…something about she WANTS TO TAKE A VACATION! Several cases of Lorena Bobbitt’s Syndrome have been reported in the area…so I’m doing what I can to keep her calm and distracted…which is why I may miss a new posting or two in the next month… but maybe not…and if I do… WE WILL BE BACK. Meantime…still answering e-mails at Dick@DickSummer.com

Don’t confuse Wee Beasties like little Bobby… with Whee Beasties… the kind you can’t see…the whoopie makers in your life… like the Whee Beastie who wiggles my eyebrows when my Lady Wonder Wench walks into the room wearing “something a little more comfortable.” I call my Whee Beastie, “Rumpelstiltskin Farfegnugen.” “Farf” for short. He is a powerful and dangerous little guy.

Consider what happened today: The weather was beautiful but, as usual, I was downstairs in my office working and slaving…trying to earn a living…and all of a sudden “Farf” showed up and started his Whee Beastie thing…. and in no time…completely against my will…sort of…I found myself at the airport….going flying in my little airplane instead of working! Whee Beasties are powerful and dangerous little creatures. And everybody has one. But some people don’t pay any attention to them…especially lots of Louie-Louie Generation folks…and that can be problem.

Whee Beasties work hard to juice up your life. For example…if you live in an apartment with thin walls, you will occasionally hear someone shouting something like “oh my God…yes”… in the middle of the night. If it doesn’t exactly sound like a prayer…you can be pretty sure that somebody has opened the cage and let her Whee Beastie out to play.

This will come as a shock to any members of the pimple people who have wandered by, but Whee Beasties don’t get scared off when an AARP card shows up in your mailbox. In fact, I know a Louie-Louie Generation guy whose Whee Beastie made him put an autopilot in his small airplane so he can take his lady up to join the “mile high club.” Unfortunately, his Whee Beastie hasn’t been able to talk her Whee B. into cooperating just yet. But he will try again tomorrow. Because that’s one of the things Whee Beasties do.

By the way, if you haven’t heard about the Louie-Louie Generation, that’s my fault. Because I am the guy “Big Louie, his own bad self,” is depending on to spread the word. I am the designated Word Spreader. The Louie-Louie Generation is made up of people who have had that song playing in the background of our lives for a long time. Lots of us have AARP cards, and ALL of us have lots of ‘tude…attitude. And of course we have the words of “Big Louie…his own bad self,” the founder and President of the School of Hard Knock-Knocks, to guide us.

You know I like to kid you about a lot of things. But this is important to me. I think way too many of our Whee Beasties are being seriously neglected. But as “Big Louie…his own bad self” likes to say, “Dogs are always barking, cats are always meowing, and people are always preaching.” So, any time I start sounding too much like Al Sharpton or Jerry Wright or John Hagee, please send me an Email and tell me to knock it off. And I’m not kidding about that. The Email address is Dick@DickSummer.com

Here’s my point: I’ve told you that I call my Lady Wonder Wench, “The chocolate chip in my cookie.” She’s pretty. I like her. And I want her to know that. I think she does…and I think that’s part of the reason that after all these years her Whee Beastie still likes to encourage her to walk in here wearing…very little…which makes my Whee B., “Farf,” wiggle my eyebrows…etc.

And that’s what I think is so important.

Dick’s Details quiz – all the answers are in the current PodCast at www.DickSummer.com

1- How does Rumpelstiltskin Farfegnugen think I can get lots of girls to get naked?

2- Why hasn’t anybody been able to count all the sheep in Montana?

3- How can you tell which of your neighbors had a barbecue last week?

Scoring:

3 right – Whee Beastie

2- right – King Kong

1- right – WWF Smackdown Champ

0- right – Tiny Tim

There are Wee Beasties you can see… like little Bobby down the block…and Whee Beasties like the one that used to make you get up and dance like nobody was watching when the dj at the record hop played Louie-Louie. Big Louie says you can make love that same Whee Beastie way…like nobody is watching…even if you’re a little afraid of all the aches and pains… and the stiffness in all your muscles… except the ones that are supposed to be stiff…or those extra pounds around the belly that don’t look so good.

But… if you absolutely have to keep your Whee Beastie’s cage locked up tonight…or if there aren’t any Whee Beasties for yours to play with right now… at least listen to that Whee Beastie voice in your ear…the one that keeps saying…”I’ll try again tomorrow.

A last minute Email came pouring in from Proud PodCast Participant and former radio colleague Jack Marshall. He says, “Here’s another how come…when people say yessiree bob…who is this guy Bob?” I don’t know for sure, Jack, but I think he’s one of those Palindrome brothers.

Happy Anniversary to us. This is the start of the third year for the “Connection” blog and the “Good Night” PodCast. So I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of anniversary present I can give you. How’s this: If you’ll send me your name and address- Dick@DickSummer.com  I’ll send you the top five most downloaded “Good Night” PodCasts on a cd. No strings. No promotions. Not going to try to sell you anything. Would just like to say, “Thanks.”To jog your memory, here are the PodCasts you’ll be receiving:

P. P. Participant John from Massachusetts listens to the “Good Night” podcast on WCAP radio in Lowell…and he’s talking about the time I told you about wanting to be a voice in the middle of the night when I was on the air. John says a big thing in a short sentence: “I listened to you on the radio. Thanks for all the memories of radio when it was our friend.” And thank YOU John.

But here’s my favorite…it comes from “KrissyGirl.” She says, “I’m a college student, and I want to tell you that your podcast voice in the middle of the night has made me feel safe, and relaxed and beautiful…no matter how stressed out and horrible I was feeling before I listened. PS…I really wish I could meet a Louie Louie Generation guy in my own generation. I think that would be wonderful.”

Kris, Big Louie, his own bad self has always said that membership in the Louie Louie Generation isn’t only based on age. It’s also a matter of putting some sweat and spark and smile in your life. So on that basis, I hereby proclaim to all and sundry that KrissyGirl is now an honorary member of the Louie Louie Generation.

 

That got me thinking about what makes a Louie-Louie generation guy the bedmate of choice for so many supermodels, and other beautiful and successful women. I’ve told you that it’s our gentlemanly charm, our poise and grace, and the fact that some of us have a little money. But let me give some of you young guys the top 20 list of specific things you can do to help you in your struggle to achieve full fledged Louie-Louie Guy hood.

#20- If you’re going to wear a baseball cap, unless you are an actual catcher in full uniform and the game is still going on, wear your cap peak front like a human. #19 – Unless you have religious reasons for wearing your cap indoors, take it off when you walk into a restaurant with a lady. #18- You don’t necessarily have to wear a jacket and tie, but don’t show up looking like either Barney Rubble or an Elton John impersonator who was left out in the rain overnight. #17 And speaking of adornment, earrings look lovely on the ladies. Especially the dangle ones. But earrings just make you look like the Pirates of the Carribean just voted you off the island. #16- When a lady trusts you enough to grace your presence in a car, open the door for her and help her in. #15 – Then when you get where you’re going, reverse the process. Jump out of the driver’s seat, open the door and help her out. Be ready to catch her if she faints with the shock. #14- When you’re on a date, do not take cell phone calls. And do not make outgoing cell phone calls either. Some guys think that makes them look important. It doesn’t. It makes them look like an idiot. #13- Ditch your favorite lines, lies and general B.S. Ladies are smart, and honesty is a lady turn on. #12 Read a paper or magazine that has nothing to do with your favorite sports team so you have something that has nothing to do with spikes, sneakers or cleats to talk about with her. #11 – Brush your teeth. Or if you are a hockey goalie…be sure your teeth are properly installed and turned in the right direction. #10- Take a shower and change your socks and underwear. Contrary to what your buddies may tell you, sweat is not a turn on to most ladies. #9- One or two beers is probably ok. More than that and you are over the lady limit. # 8 Show up for the date on time according to whatever actual time zone you were in when you made the date. #7- Shut up and listen to what the lady is saying. Try to understand not only the words but how she feels about what she’s telling you. If she’s upset because her cat died, even if you’re kinda glad because the damn cat was a drag…she’s not glad. So be genuinely not glad with her. #6- You won’t understand everything she says, but the key words here are listen, feel and genuine. #5- When out with a lady, keep your fingers and your eyes off other hotties. #4 – Do not sit in your car and blow your horn for her. Ring the bell, smile, and escort her to the car. #3- Bring her some small surprise. Doesn’t have to be a dozen roses…a dandelion you picked from the lawn is fine. #2 – She has done something to make herself look especially pretty for you. Figure out what it is and compliment her on it. #1- Always protect her. Job number one. Make her feel safe, and relaxed, and beautiful.

Do these things. Make Big Louie proud.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current podcast at www.dicksummer.com

1- What do you have to watch out for on your date’s personal person?

2- If more Americans went to a dentist, what would we call a tooth brush?

3- What parts of some folks might last for 50,000 years ?

Scoring:

3- right – A Louie-Louie Generation Charmer.

2- right – A rock star.

1- right – A movie star.

0- right – Mickey Mouse.

There’s a story in the Night Connections Personal Audio cd about a Louie-Louie generation guy who overcomes the natural shortcomings of his guy-hood to make his lady glad she picked him over some pretty stiff competition. It’s called a Disorganized Husband. If you like, you can just listen to it on the current podcast…or if you want a fresh copy, just go to dicksummer dot com, and download it from the cdbaby icon.

Here’s one more question that’s been bothering me. If you know the answer, please drop me an email at dick at dick summer dot com. Howcome…if there’s a receptionist…why isn’t there a rejectionist. Huh? Tell me. Send me an email at Dick@DickSummer.com . Would love to hear from you.