We are too damn busy. But what do you expect in a country that encourages us to pursue happiness, life, liberty, sixty hour a week job security, state subsidized pre-kindergarten calculus coaching, decent housing, affordable health care, a non-smoking section, a joke free work place, a little league team that makes the play offs, cable tv, risk free sky diving, and a choice of low fat deserts?
Some people are even too busy for sex. Itâ€™s gotten so bad that The Rev. Paul Wirth of Ybor City, Florida has told the married members of his congregation that they should make time for sex EVERY DAY/NIGHT for a month. He says the 50% divorce rate is due in great part to the fact that we arenâ€™t taking time for sex. Rev. Wirth is my kind of guy.
Iâ€™m busy too, but when my Lady Wonder Wench gives me one of those looks that you can pour on your pancakes, and that little smile that says “got a minute?”…so far… Iâ€™ve never had any trouble in finding a minute…or so.
But lately, Iâ€™ve been “too busy” to do push ups. Iâ€™ve been doing push ups since I was in grammar school. And I always hated them. But I had a Mickey Mouse lunch box with an Annette Funicello thermos bottle. And somehow I knew that Annette would be more interested in me if I did push ups. And by extension, I figured Jeannie, and Doris, and Mary, and Matilda, and the other Jeannie, and Maureen and other people who looked like them would be more interested, too.
This may come as a surprise to you women, but we Louie-Louie Generation guys all told each other that girls liked guys with muscles…and we believed each other…because you girls didnâ€™t tell us we were wrong. You didnâ€™t really tell us much of anything about yourselves. Mostly you just told us, NO. DONâ€™T TOUCH ME!
Think about that. Iâ€™ll guarantee you… some time, some where, some girl was busy telling George Clooney, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, and Pierce Brosnan… NO. DONâ€™T TOUCH ME! Iâ€™ll bet when you got this weekâ€™s issue of Time Magazine with George on the cover, youâ€™d like the time to do that one over, girls.
And weâ€™re still doing stuff we donâ€™t want to do…all the time. Thatâ€™s why weâ€™re so damn busy. We pay the rent. We go to work. We vote for idiots. We pay taxes. We put up with relatives weâ€™d like to strangle…We drive the kids to karate/dance/Little League/the tanning salon …STUFF WE DONâ€™T WANT TO DO.
“Well”…you will say… “we have to do these things.”
I THINK NOT. Not any more. At least not all the time.
Trust Big Louie…the head bar tender of the Louie-Louie Generation… his own bad self…to come up with a solution. Itâ€™s called Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day…do wah…doo waah. The idea is…you just pick one day out of the week…and simply refuse to do a damn thing you donâ€™t wanna do.
All week long…as youâ€™re busy telling George Clooney NO, paying your income tax….doing push ups…and working and slaving at a job where youâ€™re not appreciated…you now can be smiling one of those smiles that makes people wonder what youâ€™re up to…as you look forward to your very own, Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day, do wah, doo waah.
Hereâ€™s how you make it work. If somebody says, “You need to cut the lawn,” or “Why donâ€™t you get a hair cut,” or “Time to wash the car” or even, “What about your diet?” as youâ€™re wolfing down your dinner on your Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day, do wah, doo waah…you simply look them in the eye and say…”do wah, doo waah to you.” Or if you prefer, just make stuff up. Tell them that eating helps the farmers, and it wards off dizzy spells. Tell them it relieves shortness of breath. It relieves tallness of breath, too. Tell them it is an excellent…if temporary…form of oral contraception.
Of course, donâ€™t over-do it. Donâ€™t drink beer directly from the keg or lick plates that donâ€™t belong to you…or take all the “next customer” numbers at the bakery. But have some fun. Warn people about the dangers of excess thinness. Mention how somebody you knew hurt himself when he slid through bench slats and hit the sidewalk. Remind them that dieters need to be careful not to lose so much weight that they run the risk of becoming invisible.
Excess stress brought on by being too busy has been a problem in this country long enough. As Big Louie his own bad self has often said…”When youâ€™ve got a serious problem, find a silly solution.” So, if youâ€™re feeling guilty about not doing the dishes, or mowing the lawn, or ironing your hair, instead of sulking or lurking, or getting defensive about it…stand up straight and tall and tell everyone around you…including yourself…and your therapist, for that matter…Say it loud and clear…Iâ€™m not doing that today, because today is my Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day…do wah, doo waah.
1- Why are astronauts not allowed to eat beans before blast off?
2- What did Princess Diana have to do that she probably didnâ€™t want to do for Prince Charles before they got married?
3- What are men four times more likely than women to do in bed?
3 – right – Single mom with three kids and a full time job.
2 – right – Married mom with three kids and a full time job.
1 – right – Bride to be planning her wedding while working a full time job.
0 – right – Do wah, doo waah.
Here are some training tips for preparing those around you for the control you are taking over your stress level as you set yourself up for your own personal Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day…do wah… doo waah: The next time your girl friend wants you to take her to the ballet…just tell her…not today, dear. Do wah, doo waah. The next time your guy wants you to wear that gold lame thong with the rhinestone studs he bought you, that gets stuck in uncomfortable places…just tell him…thatâ€™s right…do wah, doo waah. Somebody who cares about you should be able to put up with that… itâ€™s only one day in the week…your personal Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t want to do day…do wah, doo waah. The guy from the Alumni Association calling you for a donation…oh, well…do wah…doo waah.
But Big Louie, his own bad self, wants me to give you this disclaimer: Remember…do wah…doo waah is not yet technically considered a legal defense. So use your head. Donâ€™t pick your Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t want to do day to deal with your income tax, for example. If you just write ha ha ha on your income tax return instead of sending in your money, no matter how proudly you tell the judge do wah, doo waah…you will be spending an excess amount of time in the company of associates who have names like One Ear, Snot Face, and Rick the Roach. And they may not always recognize the personal importance of your Donâ€™t do what you donâ€™t wanna do day.
Your comments and encouragement are always welcome atÂ Dick@DickSummer.com Â Â For example…Proud PodCast Participant Tom Preston asks, “If you send someone an anonymous Valentineâ€™s Day card, how will you know what kind of results it gets?”
Tom…suppose Big Louie sent an anonymous Valentineâ€™s Day card to the lady who runs the little post office down the street… who got a divorce a few months ago and is looking kinda like a left over baked potato. And suppose a few days later, Big L went into the post office with some mail, and just happened to ask the lady how was her Valentineâ€™s Day…trust me…she would do at least five minutes about the anonymous card. Most people think it would be a good idea to do something like that… but they get so… busy….