Archive for October, 2007

The Dick Summer Connection – October 27, 2007

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

 MY APOLOGIES FOR THE DOWNTIME. Technical problems had the entire site, plus my e-mail out of commission since last Friday. So if you sent me an Email since then, please re-send it. Our new blog and podcast will be up as usual Saturday night – Sunday morning. Sorry about that. It was the B.U.G.s who did it. (Big Ugly Guys) But Big Louie saved the day….well…some of the days anyway. Upward and onward. Dick

Three of those two minute Bowflex exercise commercials in a row crunched into my tv tonight. One of them is all you should be allowed to watch without a note from your doctor. Don’t get me wrong… I exercise. Every morning when I wake up, I go up down up down up down…then I do the same thing with the other eyelid.

Actually…I do push ups most days…and I ride my bike…because like most Louie-Louie generation guys… I don’t want to get any fatter than necessary. It is guys like me who are the reason that Big Louie, his own bad self, often says…”All god’s children are not beautiful. In fact some of us are just barely cute.” Of course…it’s not really the Bowflex machine that’s exhausting… it’s the fact that the damn commercial is two minutes long that’s exhausting…and irritating.

But I do think that if you must work out…you ought to do it early in the morning before your brain can figure out what you’re doing. I did morning D.J. shows in New York and Boston…so, like Don Imus, I know you can do lots of stuff before your brain wakes up. Lots of people use coffee to wake their brains up in the morning. But most of them don’t do it properly. To wake up your brain really fast, don’t drink your coffee…just pour it in your lap. That does it every time.

I especially hate the tv commercials with the voice over guys who have the snarling voices…”buy this product… or me and a bunch of other really ugly guys will come over to your house at 4 am and look in your bedroom window.” And of course the screamers … you want to kill them by stuffing a pillow into their mouths, and holding it over their noses for a few minutes while you’re at it. Then there’s the pretty, perky young woman with the phone headset telling you, “if you call right now without even taking the time to think about it or change your underwear, you’ll also get three extra widgets and the title to the state of Minnesota.”

I did some of the first tv commercials for those panty hose that came in a packaging that I could never figure out…it was a plastic egg. That was pretty risque stuff in those days. Then I did a bunch of commercials for cross your heart bras …I guess I was being type cast…and I didn’t mind that a bit. But you’ve gotta be careful when you’re discussing that kind of thing.

That’s why we now have commercials for “erectile dis-function.” That description is a major achievement…a mile stone…in the development of the English language. Erectile dis-function. I can think of three things we used to call that when I was a kid…and I’ll bet you can too…go ahead…I’ll give you a minute. And how come we see lots of commercials for erectile dis-function, but we don’t see any for condoms ? I thought we were supposed to be “fair and balanced.”

Vasectomy is another important term. Think about it. You have your cat spayed. Wonder Wench had her horse spayed…they call it having your horse fixed…although our son Eric says that’s not having him fixed that’s having him broken…and he’s right. But I wouldn’t go there. I bragged about jogging home from a vasectomy, but I would never go to be fixed, spayed or broken.

It is impossible to explain to a woman how guys feel about things that threaten our viagral parts. As a joke…sort of…I frequently tell the guys at the stable where my Lady Wonder Wench keeps her horse that they will never know when I will show up in my little airplane…and they better keep their hands to themselves or I will perform a vasectomy on them with my propeller…then I love to fly low and buzz the barn and watch them scatter.

The ad agency guys talk about you in the control room. You can see them, but you can’t hear what they’re saying. I used to try to read their lips. But I stopped. Because it usually looked like they were saying…” who hired him. Oh my God what are we going to do.” But then when they hit the talkback button on the mic, they always say…”Hey…that was great…really great. But let’s try it again, and this time try to make it sound more like George Clooney.”

One time my agent sent me on an audition, and he said, “you’ve really got this made…they want somebody who sounds like Dick Summer.” But when I got there, the casting guy hit the talk back mike and said “Hey that was great…really great…but this time try to make it sound more like Henry Fonda.” That was before there was a George Clooney. Bottom line was that a guy by the name of Johnathan Schwartz got the commercial for which they wanted somebody who sounds like Dick Summer. He must have sounded more like Henry Fonda than I do.

Dick’s Details Quiz – all the answers are available in the current podcast at www.DickSummer.com

1- What does Hillary Clinton NOT do that 90% of women…do in a department store ?

2- Why are all taxi cabs in Washington D.C. supposed to have a broom and shovel.

3- What do you NEVER see a big mob of people doing ?

Scoring:

3 right – Good as the Aflack Duck.

2 right – Good as the Geiko Gecko.

1 right – Good as the begging for money breaks on PBS.

0 right- Good as political attack ads.

The world is changing. RadioHead freaked out the record industry by putting their new album on the internet for downloading, asking people to pay whatever they thought it was worth. The Greateful Dead wanted to give their albums away long ago, but their label wouldn’t do it. Both groups figured they’d make plenty of money on increased ticket sales for their concerts. Not a bad idea. Pay forward. You do something nice for me…I’ll do something nice for you.

I’m shamelessly asking you to do something nice for me…and if you let me know about it, ( dick@DickSummer.com ) I’ll figure out something nice I can do for you. The something nice I’m asking you to do is to tell two friends about this blog, and ask them to tell two of their friends…etc. We’re averaging about 63,000 hits per month right now. It’ll be kicks to see how fast we can make the numbers go up on the counter. I’ll let you know. I promise I won’t let any success go to my head. After all… Big Louie, his own bad self always says …”The higher up the ladder you climb, the more of your bare fanny people can see.”

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The Dick Summer Connection – October 21, 2007

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

My friend and fellow fired broadcaster Bruce Bradley just sent me an Email. He said, “CBS paid Imus $10 million for breaking his contract and forcing him not to work for 5 months, which is twice as much as he would have been paid for working. Plus, he ends up on WABC, a hotter station by far than WFAN, AND he gets to bring back Bernard McGuirk, who started the whole nappy head thing. Guess they sure showed Imus a thing or two.” As usual, with one whack, Bruce nailed the point and splintered the nonsense.“Big Louie…his own bad self” likes to say, “We don’t see things the way THEY are, we see things the way WE are.” And that’s the problem with the guys with the biggest mouths about racism…they are usually the real racists.Don Imus is a decent guy. I worked with him for years at WNBC. He’s a pain in the tail, and he’s often crude, but I’ll guarantee you he’s not a racist. Right off the top…racism is obviously stupid… and Don’s a very bright guy. His charities benefit people of all races and religions. His main tormenter is Al “Sharpie” Sharpton, who calls himself a reverend. “Sharpie” is also a very bright guy. But “Sharpie” has made his career out of anti-white/anti-Jewish racism. However… I’m not aware of any charities with which “Sharpie” is associated except those from which he is a main beneficiary.

Imus is as honest as most guys, and more honest than many. He was a miner, a railroad guy, and a U.S. Marine who barely escaped a court marshal and dishonorable discharge because he and a buddy…under the influence of an excess of adult beverages, no doubt…swiped the stars from a general’s jeep and put them on their own car one night. He’s a “bad boy”… but a good man.

Al “Sharpie” Sharpton essentially bought his “Reverend-hood” while he was still a teenager. He got famous by defending a girl named Tawana Brawley in 1981. “Sharpie” said that Ms. Brawley couldn’t get a fair trial because N.Y. Attorney General Robert Abrams (who was Jewish), was “another Adolph Hitler.” (Huh ???) Ms. Brawley was soon proven to be a fraud, and there are those who would say that “Sharpie” had a hand in setting the whole thing up. But instead of being embarrassed and apologizing, “Sharpie” just went on the attack. His next smear campaign was leveled at then New York Gov. Mario Cuomo. “Sharpie” accused him of being a member of the Mafia…and also a K.K.K. sympathizer. He’s certainly a bad boy, and I don’t see any evidence that he’s ever become a good man.

My Lady Wonder Wench is no Imus fan. She says, “He’s made a career out of snickering and pinching at women.” But she also says, “It’s disgusting to see all the executives who have made money from the ratings he got…turning their backs on him.” Amen, Wonder Wench.

Shortly after Don’s head hit the sidewalk, “Sharpie” said to the media: “It is our feeling that this is only the beginning. We must have a broad discussion on what is permitted and not permitted in terms of the airwaves.” WHAT??? “Sharpie” and his crowd will “discuss” what THEY think should be allowed on the air!!! And the MEDIA IS BUYING IT. The first person the big news guys interviewed when Imus’ new deal was announced was…”Sharpie”…who said essentially…”Stay tuned for more of my decisions on “what should be permitted and not permitted in terms of the airwaves.”

Any harm that was done to the Rutgers women’s basketball team wasn’t done by some stupid, coarse remarks made by a guy who was just doing the same radio act that he had been doing for decades. None of them even heard about it until “Sharpie” expressed his “moral outrage” and the media ate it up. As a matter of fact, not one of the Rutgers women even knew who Don Imus was until this stuff hit the headlines.

This wasn’t about the Rutgers women…or “moral outrage”…and certainly it wasn’t about “broadcasting standards”…whatever the hell that means. It was simply a hypocritical, media power grab by “Sharpie” and a cowardly run for cover by the broadcasters and politicians involved.

You can’t expect anything better from politicians and broadcasters. But how about from someone who calls himself a Reverend? As I recall, doesn’t the bible say something nasty about hypocrisy? I guess “Sharpie” hasn’t come to that chapter yet.

Watch out for “Sharpie” and his pals. They’re an ambitious, hypocritical, and lethal bunch. And by the way…on the outside chance that any of “Sharpie’s” guys are reading this… don’t make the mistake of calling me a racist…or at least do it to my face…and I’ll straighten you out pretty fast. I’m not stupid either. And I’m from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn…so I’ve seen you guys at work for a long time.

Over the last few months, when the rumors of the Imus return started cooking, I asked a number of friends from the radio business what they thought about it. They almost all said they’d hire him in a heartbeat as long as he returned “humbled and more careful.”

B.S., GUYS. If you want a saint…hire someone who’s humble and careful. If you want a big time morning show…hire an Imus. He’s no saint. But be honest, guys… Mother Theresa was never invited to any all night parties. Saints are wonderful people, but they’re BORING. Imus isn’t particularly wonderful. But he’s honest. And he is very ENTERTAINING … because he really is…a very Bad Boy…and a very Good Man.

I wish he hadn’t decided to come back. I wish he’d just taken his money and spent the rest of whatever is left of his life enjoying his wife and kids, and ranch, and Central Park brownstone… and his amazing career. I wish him every blessing a bad boy/good man deserves.

 

WHO THE HECK SENT ME THIS…PLEASE CONFESS…I LOVE IT !

A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested. But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every “babe” he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed. Wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.’ Then she asked, ‘Did you dance much?’ He replied, I’ll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met my brother Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. ‘You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!’ she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, ‘actually, I gave my costume to the host. Apparently he had the time of his life’

 

Dick’s Details Quiz – All the answers are available in the current PodCast at www.dicksummer.com

1- What does it mean when we call a religion “disorganized”? 2- When an Iranian says, “let’s eat some shitta,” what does he mean?

3- Who do you know who looks like a “borderline Harrison Ford”?

Scoring:

3 right – Don Imus

2 right – Your local morning drive guy/girl.

1 right – Your local all night guy/girl.

0 right – Rush Limbaugh.

Hey…I’m asking for a favor. If you like this blog and/or the PodCast, please mention it at www.stumbleupon.com or www.digg.com . Thank you. It’s time to bring some new folks into the Louie-Louie Generation.

I’ve often wondered who makes up the jokes that go around on the Internet…like this Halloween Party story. It has to be a guy. Women don’t make up jokes. I guess if they want a laugh, all they have to do is look at us. But when women take surveys about what they look for in a man, they always say they want a guy with a sense of humor. That isn’t what they wanted in high school, as I recall. And have you ever wondered who tells the Pope jokes? Better yet, what kind of jokes does he tell? If you know any of the Pope’s jokes, please Email them to me at dick@DickSummer.com . My friend Don Imus is going to need that kind of material to use in his new career.

PS- The following came in from a big time radio guy friend of mine when he saw this prior to publication. I’m not going to reveal his last name, (which you would probably recognize) because I don’t want him suffering any RAT-aliation for having written it:

AMEN, DICK!!!I couldn’t agree with you more on the I-MESS …here are some of my thoughts…you left out a couple of important points…if I may, my friend…

First: Al Roker at NBC-TV was quite vocal that Imus should be fired. Nice going, Al. Al Roker at NBC-TV was quite vocal that Imus should be fired. Nice going, Al.

The man is down and out and drowning, so what do you do…stick a huge pin in his life preserver! I’m not endorsing or condoning the remarks Don made…no way.

But, for a ‘brother broadcaster’ to INSIST that another be fired–is simply, not cool. Personally, I can’t wait for ‘Pal Al’ to stumble with a slip of his glib tongue on his Today Show! Any one who has been on the air, since breakfast, knows when one is doing 3 or 4 hours of LIVE Radio or TV on a daily basis, sometimes, you slip and say things you wish you could take back. We’ll be keeping an eye & ear on you, Al. The I-Man apologized, folks!! Suspend him for a week or so, if you want…but, why not use his name and popularity to do some good. Have him speak to school kids both inter-city and out in the burbs, about the dangers and long term affects of such ill advised comments. If, the I-Man wouldn’t do it on his own– insist it be part of his penance. Can’t you just hear him now, on his daily radio and TV feed—“later today, boys and girls, look for Brother Bernard and Uncle Don…we’ll be speaking at PS # 402, at 1 pm this afternoon!” I’m making light of it, but I honestly believe, much good could have been accomplished.Management and Don Imus could have turned a bad negative into a super positive! 

Why didn’t the suits recall this old saying…”when you get lemons, you make lemonade!” Guess broadcast managers don’t drink lemonade these days, while shooting a round of golf. Hey, how bout this…as part of the I-Man’s penance, make him purchase uniforms for the girls team at Rutgers, til the next millennium! He can certainly afford it! …BUT, DON’T FIRE HIM. Don I-Mus was doing what he was paid to do—and DID DO for years…outrageous ‘bad boy’ behavior on the air. It’s part of the broadcast double standard that permeates radio and TV today. Point #2, fellow broadcasters who are a closer to the NYC radio scene and the I-Man than yours truly, mentioned that the I-Man’s bosses insisted that Don become even more outrageous with his on-air comments. HELLO! This was some time before the Rutgers incident. Sure…as long as the BIG BUCKS are rolling in and the ratings are half-way decent—the suits turn their hypocritical faces the other way. But, as soon as pressure was placed on the ALL IMPORTANT advertisers, the game plan was suddenly changed, and those same management types, turned into candidates for ‘Saints of the month’ club. Sorry guys, you can’t have it both ways.Back to Point #1 and ‘Virtuous’ ‘ Al Roker. His blog at NBC insisted that the I-Man be canned. He even went to NBC (MSNBC) management and said, not in MY house will this happen. Referring to Don’s statements about the ladies at Rutgers. I can’t help but wonder, if Al has read the part in the Bible, where it says, “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Have you ever messed up, Al? 

I, for one, welcome Don back to the air! Deep down, he probably is ready to retire to the peace and relative quiet of his ranch, to hang out with his family and critters, but something tells me his competitive spirit that makes the I-Man tick, just wouldn’t allow himself to leave a career he feels so passionately about—radio! Besides, now, by being ‘back on radio,’ in his own ‘special style,’ he can set the record straight—before he retires—-that, bad boy and all, the I-Man is a damn good radio entertainer

but most importantly, that he’s NOT a racist! That’s my take—Sir Richard of the night-time airwaves—-on the I-MESS!Your pal, Joe  

 

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The Dick Summer Connection – October 14, 2007

Saturday, October 13th, 2007

It was just about this time last year that George W. Bush came to my door, begging for trick or treat candy. I gave him some, and in no time he was back for more. Just like in real life. It seems that most of the top Halloween masks these days are the faces of politicians…which I think is appropriate. Kids are pretending to be politicians, and politicians are acting like kids…who have nuclear bombs. Hard to think of anything much scarier than that. The kids knock it off after Halloween. Unfortunately, the politicians keep right on going.

I know a real live witch. A cigar smoking, truck driving, witchy woman. Man, what a woman. Her real name is Lisa, but her friends call her Olga. Olga the Witch … long black hair, voice like a purr with fur, and a long slow motion smile. I didn’t see Olga walk into the studio. I just looked up, and she was suddenly standing there in studio 2b at WNBC radio a lot of years ago. The idea that she just “appeared” was probably just my imagination. Maybe.

The 10PM to Midnight portion of my show was music, and Midnight to 2 AM was talk. And I always liked to have “ordinary” people who did extraordinary things as guests on the talk portion. So just before Halloween, I asked for mail from folks who figured they qualified, and Olga’s note said, “I’m a witch.” It was a slam dunk.

The lights at WNBC studios were New York Neon, and Olga purred something about how comfortable we’d be if I’d turn off the overheads and do our interview by the light of a candle she’d brought. If it weren’t for the Federal Disc Jockey Regulations, plus the fact that my crack NBC tech/accomplice Vic Lombardo was only one heavy breath away, and of course the certain knowledge that my lady Wonder Wench was listening, things could have gotten a little out of hand right there. Olga was fascinating. I mean in other ways too. She’s a follower of the ancient pagan religion called Wicca. It’s about love of nature, gentleness toward humans and animals, and very ancient legends about tall trees, shadow creatures, and the moon. No devil worship, no broomsticks, no haggle tooth hags. Olga is beautiful, smart, sensitive and loyal. I invited her back for several shows and eventually got to know her pretty well. As a matter of fact, she became a real friend to Wonder Wench, our son Mark and me.

Mark was 14 when Olga came into our lives. He often came to the station with W. Wench and me on Friday nights. Friday nights were “Mouth vs. Ear” nights on my show. “Mouth vs. Ear” was a quiz show. We always won, because we cheated. More about that another time. But for now, just picture the fact that besides W. Wench and Mark, there were lots of friends in the studio with us on Olga’s first night as a member of the “Mouth” quiz show team. And she was lively, happy, and bra-less when she threw her arms around Mark and gave him a loud, juicy, bouncy kiss smack dab on the mouth.

Mark was big with the girls at 14. But Olga was all woman. His ears wiggled, his hands stuck out from his arms at a strange angle, and he didn’t start breathing again until sometime late Saturday afternoon.

That was lots of years ago, but when I asked Mark yesterday if he remembered, he said something like, “ooohhh yessss.”

Our “Mouth vs Ear” friends and I had a softball team called “The Cheaters.” (Remember, we always won the quiz because we cheated.) Olga never played, but she came to watch and witch. We won a lot of games that year. It was either the lively ball or the way Olga twitched her … nose. A year or so after she joined our crew, Olga fell in love and moved away with her guy. We’ve lost track of her over the years, and I was wondering … this blog gets around now … and maybe someone reading this might know her. I don’t want to give you her last name for obvious reasons. And that wouldn’t be necessary anyway. Because there’s only one Olga like this warm and wonderful witchy woman. If you know her, I’d appreciate it if you’d ask her to drop an email to Dick@DickSummer.com . Wonder Wench, Mark and I really miss that cigar smoking, truck driving, fur purring, witchy woman.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All the answers are in this week’s “Good Night” PodCast at www.DickSummer.com .

1- Why is it a waste of time to be worried about sharks when we go swimming in the ocean?

2- How come prostitution is legal in Nevada, and no where else in the country? 3- Why do more Louie-Louie Generation guys than girls wander around in the middle of the night?

Scoring:

3 – right – A beautiful, sexy witch/warlock will show up at your front door in about ten minutes.

2 – right – Somebody will give you the entire first season of “I Dream Of Jeannie” on dvds for Christmas/Hannukah/Quanza/Solstice.

1 – right – The Wicked Witch of the West will bring back your ruby slippers.

0 – right – George W. Bush will invade your house and take all your candy and give it to Haliburton.

Some people tell me that they don’t know how to listen to the PodCast. Here’s how you do it: Go back to www.DickSummer.com and left click on the “PodCast” icon at the top right of the home page. That opens another page with a box that shows the last three PodCasts. Left click on one of them. That opens another page which says listen or download. If you want to listen right away, click on listen. If you want to download it to listen later, click on download. That’s it.

The PodCasts are called “Good Night.” Most times, they help put you to sleep with a little story about what happened to me during the week, a bedtime story, and a smile. This week is a little different. I recorded most of it while I was up wandering around at night. That’s the best time to listen to it…while you’re getting ready to hit the sheets. That’s why it’s called…”Good Night.”

Comments/ideas/suggestions…to Dick@DickSummer.com  .

 

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The Dick Summer Connection – October 7, 2007

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

It’s ‘tude…attitude… that makes the difference between an aging Boomer man and woman…and a Louie-Louie guy or girl. The average Boomer generation man or woman is just that…average. The sum total of Boomer thinking on really important subjects can be summed up in one word…and the word is “Huh?” Their political debate is about Hillary Clinton’s (alleged) cleavage, Barak Obama’s missing flag lapel button, and Rudy Giuliani’s (alleged) love life. Their interest in international news centers around the latest on Princess Di. When they rock on…it’s to songs by Tommy James and the Shondells.

All you have to do to be a Baby Boomer is be born between 1946 and 1964. So big deal. You get born and you hang around for a while…and zap, you’re a Baby Boomer. No ‘tude is necessary. And in most cases, no ‘tude is involved. Mostly, Boomer men just go to work, come home, drink beer and watch tv. Boomer women go to work, come home and fix dinner, and go shopping. Wow. Those of us who are Louie-Louie guys and girls are also grown ups… with jobs and families and mortgages…. but deep down inside, we’re never going to stop being guys and girls. We have lives. My Lady Wonder Wench rides her horse, I fly my airplane…I chase her around the house…and she seldom runs too fast for me to catch her…even though I have bad knees. While most Boomer women are shopping… most Boomer men are watching sports on tv. Sometimes they’re watching two different games at once. Three during the PLAY OFFS.

Some Boomer men pay more attention to their sports teams than to their wives…because they figure that even though a wife may be faithful and loving, she’ll never make it to those PLAY OFFS, even if she bulks up and works out during the off season.

I’m amazed that most Boomer men HAVE wives…because Boomer men always feel they need to get something concrete to go on to understand people…both men and women… something concrete…such as his or her batting average against left handed pitching during night home games on Mondays in July. And many Boomer women have trouble hitting curves.

Of course, things could be even worse. In some countries, they take sports way too seriously… in the sense that they kill each other over soccer…which I feel is excessive… especially for regular season games.

No question about it. I have grey hair, and my chest has slipped a bit…and when I’m flying my little airplane lately, I find myself having to stop to think which one of those levers puts the wheels down and which one stops the engine. And I must admit that in the event of war, the army wouldn’t let me in if everybody else was dead. But my Lady Wonder Wench says I still have class, style and charm up the wazoo. So…Yeah !

I’m a typical Louie-Louie Generation guy. Louie-Louie has been playing in the soundtrack of my life forever. It’s a status symbol. Only people who have been around for a while can remember Louie-Louie. And most of us also remember when the tv took five minutes to warm up…and it was black and white…and a couple of bucks was a decent allowance …and you played baseball with no adults around…got a problem with a call and it became a “do over”…and there were candy cigarettes and records in the juke box at the diner…and there was carbon paper…and gas was 35 cents a gallon…we remember that.

Louie-Louie is our kind of song. It’s a tune with ‘tude’. And Big Louie, his own bad self…always says…”tude is goooud.” There’s no doubt in what’s left of my mind that ‘tude is the biggest difference between Louie-Louie girls and guys and Baby Boomer men and women.

Of course… sometimes ‘tude makes things more difficult than they really need to be. For example…‘tude is the reason why it takes a zillion guy sperm cells, zooming around all over the place dressed in their little speedos… never even considering asking directions… because they’re certain that they know exactly where they are and where they’re going…trying to locate a single female egg… despite the fact that the egg… relatively speaking…is the size of the Empire State Building. And the egg doesn’t make things any easier. It just sits there…quietly…modestly…refusing to say things like, “Hey…over here…big boy.” In both cases, that’s ‘tude making things more difficult than they need to be. But we feel it’s worth it.

Baby Boomers are men and women. We’re guys and girls. We’ve got the ‘tude of the tune coming through for us big time…especially when the years are piling on, and pimple people with baseball caps on backwards and rings through their noses start ignoring us “old timers”… The ‘tude of the tune helps us to stand up straight… and remember who we are. We’ve paid some dues. We’ve done some things. And we’ve got plans for doing even more. We’re old enough to know right from wrong, and strong enough to take our pick.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in this week’s PodCast at www.DickSummer.com

1- What do they sell at penisland.com?

2- How did the judges at Wimbledon crack everybody up in 2006?

3- Where should you be inserting your aspirin?

Scoring:

3 right – You’re like The Kingsmen’s Louie-Louie.

2 right – You’re like The Sandpipers’ Louie-Louie.

1 right – You’re like Pavarotti’s Louie-Louie.

0 right – You’re like Pat Boone’s Louie-Louie.

Lots of Louie-Louie Generation guys and girls are smart enough to keep their bodies in pretty good shape. I do push ups and ride my bike. My Lady Wonder Wench does floor exercises that she never lets me watch, because she says they would drive me wild with lust… which seems like a pretty good idea to me…but for some reason not to her…and she rides her horse. I don’t like doing push ups, and Ms. Wench doesn’t like doing exercises…who would. But it’s worth the sweat.

But when you’re facing pimples, backwards baseball caps and nose rings, no matter what kind of shape you’re in… resist the temptation to maim and kill. Just remember Big Louie’s advice…” grab a grin and you’ll win.” Don’t hit…just laugh…out loud…and long. Because they can’t take the ‘tude. And believe me…from personal experience… a backwards baseball cap pimple person’s nose rings clanking in frustration is such a satisfying sound.  

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