Archive for August, 2007

The Dick Summer Connection – August 26, 2007

Saturday, August 25th, 2007

OLD SONG: “My BAABYYY’s GONE AND LEFT ME.”OLD BIT: “What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You get your dog back; you get your pickup truck back; and you get your girl back.”OLD BLUES STORY: “She sneaked over to the cheating part of town, and she threw my heart into the deep blue sea.” Yes, after decades together, my Lady Wonder Wench has left me…for a 14 year old guy.

THE REST OF THE STORY…the guy is a horse (gelded) and she’s coming back Friday…and it isn’t really the cheating part of town, it’s a riding facility in another state…and my heart’s pretty much ok, but my stomach is growling, along with associated Viagral parts.

I AM NOT HELPLESS! Louie-Louie Generation guys are not helpless. As long as we have tv dinners, a microwave oven, crunchy peanut butter and jelly… and bread… and instant coffee… we will survive. But no matter how loud I turn up the music… DAMN, it’s quiet around here …and her furry slippers with the crunched heels are staring at me… and I keep forgetting what time it is. But I know she’ll be back…so it’s ok…sorta.

I’m also not dumb, so I know I’ve been the luckiest guy I’ve ever heard of with Wonder Wench. She was beautiful when she signed up with me, and since then, she’s turned that up to stun. She’s a mother and friend to our kids and their kids…and she was my mom and dad’s best friend. When I got fired at WNBC, and I decided to swap a six figure salary for a start up Hypnotherapy practice which took a while to clear the rent, she kept the office and my head straight. She’s the star of just about everything I write…and almost everything I think about. It’s only for about a week…and she sure deserves the time off from me…so it’s sorta ok. Sorta.

As Proud PodCast Participant Jim King says, “Don’t worry…be happy.” Then he gives some good reasons why men are usually happier than women. For example: We can’t get pregnant. Car mechanics tell us the truth. We don’t have to stop and think about which way to turn a nut or bolt. People don’t stare at our chests when they talk with us. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. We can open our own jars. We can play with toys all our lives…yes…no wonder men are usually happier than women. (Thanks, Jim.)

I think the problem is timing. She picked a rainy week to go. Not a hurricane or tornado…nothing dramatic…just a gentle late summer rain…every day and night. It makes you want to sing that song from when you were a kid…”It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring.” Rain pulls you inside yourself.

If you get a chance, go listen to this week’s PodCast. I hung a microphone under the ledge on my back deck while I did the recording so you could hear the rain. If you listen to that rain, then close your eyes and “see” some rain, you’ll rev your memory motor. Because the rain you’re hearing is “my backyard rain.” But the rain you’re “seeing” is rain you remember…it’s uniquely your rain. That’s the kind of thing I loved to do on the radio…give you something of mine, that got something of yours revved up.

I loved being on the radio. I did some tv too, but I really loved radio. I loved the laughs, the huddle, and the cuddle. We had lots of laughs, and when things got tough and scary…like when a hurricane was whipping around, or a president got shot…I called a huddle…just like a football huddle. I gathered my listeners around and we protected each other, and we laid plans to win “the game” and beat “the bad guys.” And I especially liked the occasional cuddle…sometimes I felt like I was in a crying lady’s bedroom, and I got to hold her and console her…and sometimes it was a guy who really needed a friendly arm around the shoulder and maybe a slightly off color joke. Radio was a connection…the laughs, the huddle and the cuddle. I loved it.

And I love a gentle late summer rain. You can’t keep that kind of rain out of your head…even if you wear a hat…or you stay indoors. It makes you quiet…unless…you mix a gentle summer rain with some laughs and somebody you love. Guess I don’t have to tell you that I’m really looking forward to seeing my Lady Wonder Wench again.


Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at   

1- Why did Johnny Depp and the Pirates of the Carribean have BOTH ears pierced?

2- What’s the possible problem with how the condoms and the bubble gum are now displayed in most drug stores?

3- What did the Louie-Louie guy do when he noticed his beautiful girlfriend’s eyes light up and her whole body tremble with delight and anticipation?


3 – right – your only competition is Mr. Ed…and he’s gelded.

2- right – your baby didn’t really leave you in the classic sense. She’ll be back. In a week or so. And you’ll probably survive. Barely.

1- right – It’s ok because you do know how to cook tv dinners, and you’re an expert crunchy peanut butter and jelly chef.

0 – right – She cut your heart out with a spoon BEFORE she sneaked over to the cheating side of town, to throw it in the deep blue sea.


If you’re in the least bit concerned about your Louie-Louie Lady, you won’t like to hear the results of a recent big survey which said: 1- 95% of women admit they have lied to their husbands/boyfriends/lovers. 2- 60% of women are sure their mates can’t tell they’re lying. 3- 49% say they have lied about some interest in another guy. 4- 44% have lied to you because they’re jealous of your ex. 5- 36% say they fake it in the sack. 6-30% have lied about keeping their own ex on the string in case it doesn’t work out with you.

Before you say, “AH HA…I KNEW IT”…listen, Crunchy Peanut Butter Breath, I’m willing to bet the numbers for guys would be even worse. Remember the words of Big Louie…his own bad self…”Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer…and lying to his boss about being sick.”

And I won’t lie. While my Lady Wonder Wench is away, I have looked at other women. LOOKED, not peeked…and not touched. Big Louie, his own bad self, charges all Louie-Louie Generation guys with the duty of aiding suffering womanhood. Too many guys pretend to ignore a woman. Big L. says that’s insulting and wasteful. When a woman passes a Louie- Louie Generation guy, Big says we should look and enjoy the sight…even if the woman is only a 22 year old super-model who can only hope she will eventually ripen into a Louie-Louie Lady. Don’t leer. But take a long, appreciative look. If you just peek, she’ll ignore you. But look long and assertively…and she will smile and think, “what a nice man.” I think it’s best to nod your head approvingly, and VERY quietly say something like “oh-wow.” Her self esteem will soar…she will glow and expand…and so will you. Incredibly, only 13% of American young women think they’re beautiful…which proves to me that young American men are idiots. Louie-Louie Generation guys …to the rescue.

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The Dick Summer Connection – August 19,2007

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Don’t step on Louie-Louie Generation guys and girls. As Big Louie… his own bad self…likes to say, “We like to be nice people, but… don’t mess with us.” I told you two months ago about the SUV that hit my airplane. Without getting into eye glazing details, the “perp’s” insurance company is trying for a cheap fix. I brought a lawyer into the situation, and still, everybody is doing the minuet. So I’m going to make the insurance company a deal. If they don’t get off their fannies, I’m going to tell you the name of the company involved…it’s a big one… and suggest that you remember my experience with them next time you are in the market for auto or home owners insurance.

The counter on this blog shows an average of around 80,000 hits per month. And I’m willing to bet that many of you own cars and SUVs and are occasionally interested in auto insurance. This is not intended as a threat to the insurance company. It is simply an effort to supply you with information that might be helpful to you, and to any friends or business associates of yours who might be thinking about comparing offers from insurance companies in the future. And, of course, I intend to send a copy of this blog to the insurance company, because I think it’s only fair that they know about it.

Also, as many of you know, I spent a long time in the radio and tv business. Therefore, in the interest of helping consumers to make informed decisions, I feel I should also inform my friends who are still in the news business about this experience. Some of them wouldn’t touch a story like this for anything, because the insurance company in question is a major sponsor. But knowing my friends the way I do, some won’t be able to resist a story like this. Especially since I still have some “name recognition” in places like Boston and New York.

I’ll also be very interested in hearing your true experiences with this insurance company. I’ve already discussed this with one friend who happens to own stock in the company, and she has volunteered to publicly discuss my problem and any other documentable experiences you may have had at the next stockholder’s meeting. So please do keep an eye on where this dispute goes. And, of course, the Better Business Bureau will also be interested.

I’ve also been fortunate enough to have several articles published in flying magazines. And I think this experience will have enough value for pilots to propose an article based on it to several of the flying magazines which have published my material in the past.

As Big Louie always says, “This is a nation founded by a bunch of enraged bomb throwers in white wigs and funny hats. They had a lot to say about cheating kings, taxes, and the rights we all have to be treated fairly…and not one of those things they ever said was, ‘shut up and take what’s coming to you.’” Louie-Louie Generation guys and girls are always courteous, but we have lines. When somebody crosses one, we chew nails and spit rust. We don’t like to be cheated, and we don’t like lies. Of course, we don’t waste time fussing, either. Laughing always beats whining. Big Louie appreciates laughs. “Beautiful and handsome goes, but funny stays. If you were ever funny, you’ll always be funny”… is how he puts it.And we have a pretty good idea of what to look for to know if people are lying to us.

For example, if somebody licks his lips just before he says something…or there are long pauses in the middle of sentences…or a woman hides her hands…or the pupils of a guy’s eyes suddenly get very wide… we get skeptical. We know we have to look out for number one, and we can usually avoid stepping in number two.I’ll keep you posted on how this thing goes.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at

1- “Quo Vadis” was the film that held the record for most costumes used. What film held the record for least costumes used? 2- What is the title of the most hated woman in the Miss America contest?3- Name a movie in which Grand Central Station is featured.


3 right – Nobody will mess with you.

2 right – The current Governor of California is the only one who will mess with you.

1 right – Your insurance agent DID mess with you.

0 right – Even Hillary Clinton would mess with you.

We’re not always too smart. Some of us think God is dead and Elvis is alive. Lots of us believe anything that tastes good will kill you. But real Louie-Louie guys and girls have at least learned enough to laugh at ourselves…not because we’re getting a little forgetful and wrinkly…but because we’ve seen enough to know that the Emperor not only has no clothes…he must be out of Viagra.

So, as Big Louie his own bad self, always says…don’t mess with us.

 Drop me a note if you like. 





The Dick Summer Connection – August 12, 2007

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

DISCLAIMER – This is not a political comment. It’s about TALK RADIO. I love radio. I hate politics. If I were offered anything short of a seven figure salary to return to radio and do political talk, I’d turn it down. If offered a seven figure salary… I’d sell out immediately.

But remember… Big Louie, his own bad self, likes to say, “By screaming at idiots, you run the risk of becoming an idiot yourself.” And anybody who listens to talk radio these days would understand that. When I stumble across some Limbaugh-Hannity on the air… it is hard for me to believe that out of millions of sperm…they were the fastest. Let me be clear about one thing…my feeling about politicians of both parties is that in the unlikely event that one of them might want to shake my hand, I would insist that he/she boil him/herself first. What an awful way that must be to make a living.

But I made a living in radio for a very long time. And I really loved it. I especially loved the laughs and the huddle. We had lots of laughs… and when it was time for the huddle… I pulled the people listening very close around me…and we protected each other…and we planned what we needed to do next to make it through the night…together. And it is because of the love I had for radio that I need to make a few points about today’s talk radio:

1- There are reasons why conservative talk radio works and liberal talk radio doesn’t. And recent attempts to pass laws that would require that radio stations give both sides equal time are self serving, stupid, partisan political crap. The radio business is an excellent example of successful capitalism… at its sleaziest. And both political parties have histories of consistently proving that they very well understand the value of capitalistic sleaze.

2- Radio doesn’t really exist for the benefit of “the public.” Radio really exists to make money for the people who own the stations/networks. Capitalism…remember? Ratings show that only conservative talk radio is successful. Ratings are statistics. Radio uses ratings to sell commercial time. (Of course, statistics also prove that people who eat food…die.)

3- From my perspective, conservatives believe in “Standing Firm,” regardless of whether what they’re doing is working or not. That works well for radio because it’s simple, and it plays to our fears and our “macho” self image. Keeping things simple is far from stupid on the radio. “Simple” is effective…it gets a point across quickly. People are in a hurry. Quick works. So simple works. STAND FIRM is something any fighter will say we must do. However, Mohamed Ali said his secret of success was to “FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, AND STING LIKE A BEE.” I think the lesson is that if a fighter wants to become a champ, he’ll have to be ready to float as well as sting. We’ve got to have the guts to drop the nuke, but we also have to be smart enough to beat a rapid retreat to avoid a quick disaster. Frequent and rapid retreats were an important strategy that George Washington used to get his face on the dollar bill.

4- Unfortunately…fear has become more important to Americans than hope. I don’t think it was always that way…but it is now. Today’s successful talk radio is based on two big fears: a- “Leftist Leaning Liberals” are going to steal the stuff we’ve worked so hard to earn; and b- “They” won’t keep you safe from the bad guys…only “we” are strong enough to protect you.

4a- My day job involves buying commercial time on radio and tv. I know that talk radio is an effective sales medium. Talk radio has very effectively sold Americans on fear. “The only way you’ll get to keep your stuff and stay safe…is by listening to what we say. We’ll say a bit more after this commercial break.” It’s a bit like religion. “We’ll tell you what’s a sin. If you sin you will go to hell. Only we can save you. And don’t forget to drop a contribution in the plate. At least 10% of gross would be good.” Fear powers today’s talk radio. Fear lives in the gut and logic lives in the mind. And gut always overpowers logic on the radio.

5- From my same perspective: the liberal agenda, on the other hand, is hard to explain for two basic reasons: A- It’s not simple; and B- It’s based on taking a chance. Liberals think the important thing is to move the country forward… make things better. Sounds very American to me. But one problem with explaining that on the radio is that it implies that what we already have isn’t perfect…which opens liberals to an attack that says they don’t appreciate what we have. That’s where we get the “America…love it or leave it” kind of nonsense. Also… in order to move things forward to make things better, people must be willing to make changes. That also makes sense to me. But of course…making changes means taking chances. Progress is seldom a sure thing. It’s often two steps forward and one step back…or maybe three to one side. (Probably the left.) It’s a lot less threatening to just “stand firm.” Fear rules.

6- Fear breeds fanaticism. And fanaticism feeds more fear…on both sides of the fence. And it’s impossible to think when you’re screaming your head off.

7- So talk radio plainly and profitably…and effectively…focuses on fear… because it’s not a public trust…it’s a simple, money making industry… which brings us back to where we were at point #3.

I’m really not interested in changing anybody’s politics. Big Louie, his own bad self, always says, “The only time you can really change a guy is when he’s wearing diapers.” I hated to see Air America Radio go down…because it was a different perspective. However, it got what it deserved. Please see points #1 and #2. But I am very much interested in radio…I loved it…I’d like to protect what’s left of it…and I’m wearing boxer shorts, so watch out, because I know how to use them.


So what would I do if I sold out for a million or so a year, and went back to talk radio?

1- Focus completely on United We Stand…Divided We Fall. And no way are we going to fall.

2- Hard sell the fact that fanaticism and focus are two very different things…and fear is what makes the difference.

3- Make it clear that in order to regain the respect of the rest of the world, we must first respect ourselves again. That means not only treating each other with respect…but also respecting each other’s different opinions and perspectives. No more calling each other idiots…or worse.

4- My guests would have to stick to a couple of rules: a- no more three people talking at once…one person talks…the others LISTEN first…I’ll tell you when it’s your turn to reply. It’s my show. So, b- Answer the question I ask…then add to it if you like. But give me an ANSWER TO MY QUESTION FIRST.

5- You bet we stand firm when necessary, but we also move ahead as quickly as possible. We can do that by finding ways to agree on ACTIONS, even when we disagree on PRINCIPLES … because the one principle on which we all completely agree is that…WE WILL STAND TOGETHER. It’s hard, but we’re worth it.

6- Radio done as i’ve outlined it here never…NEVER needs to be defensive…as long as complete attention is paid to number 7.



Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at  .

1- Why did my Lady Wonder Wench pay for a new girlfriend for me?

2- What did Brad Pitt’s wife say when he came home after a hard week of shooting an R rated movie with Catherine Zeta Jones?

3- What did testosterone make Bill Clinton, Kenny Rodgers, and John Kennedy do?


3 right – The George Washington Award.

2-right – The Thomas Jefferson Award.

1-right – The Herbert Hoover Award.

0-right – The Limbaugh-Hannity Award.

“To my Islamic Brothers and Sisters…It was a guy by the name of Mohamed who taught us to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. He is an American. We’re smart. We learn. We got to the moon first. We will treat you with more respect than you seem to be able to show each other. But don’t mess with us.”

 Any comments…my Email is 


The Dick Summer Connection – August 5, 2007

Saturday, August 4th, 2007

I drive a clunker. My buddy Mike drives a brand new red Corvette…a 400 horsepower…vroom vroom machine. My car used to be red. Now it’s sort of reddish…it’s a 1995 Olds that I bought used…ooops…sorry… “pre-owned” in 1997. It has about 200,000 miles on the odometer, a rebuilt tranny, and recently it got a whole new set of spark plugs.Mike doesn’t really like to drive his new red Corvette in the city, because he’s afraid to park it anywhere except at a park-it-yourself garage, because he’s afraid it’ll get scratched. I park my clunker anywhere. Sometimes I double park it and leave the engine clunking while I run into the store. What’s to worry about ?

And have you ever noticed that when a guy driving a brand new red Corvette and a guy driving a real clunker come to a four way stop sign…it’s always the guy in the clunker who gets to go first? That’s because the guy in the clunker doesn’t have that much to lose. By the way, I think we got the word clunker from the way a car sounds while it’s stopped at a red light. Mike’s car goes grrrrrrr-vroom-grrrrrrr. My car goes clunker- clunker-clunker.

To be honest about it, I really like my clunker. It’s a guy car. Driving a car like that says, “I don’t care if I break down in a bad neighborhood at 4am, I can deal with it…I’m a guy.” In fact, I AM a bad neighborhood driving around in my car. And it gives me a great excuse if I come late for an appointment. I just say, “Sorry about that…car trouble.” Everybody knows about my clunker, so they just shake their heads sadly and smile. After all, it’s my car’s fault…who can blame me?

I am a proud member of the Louie-Louie Generation…folks for whom the song Louie-Louie has been a big part of the sound track of our lives. As I’ve told you, Louie-Louie guys are the clear bedding choice of super models everywhere…not because our bodies necessarily go vroom vroom like a new Corvette…as a matter of fact our bodies tend to sound a little like my clunker mobile when we’re working out.

The most reasonable explanation I’ve been able to figure out for the devastating affect we tend to have on women is mostly the result of a combination of our worldly charm… our manly grace…our sophisticated sense of humor…and the fact that some of us have a little money.

Unfortunately, Louie-Louie Generation guys understand this idea better than Louie-Louie Generation girls…who seldom realize that they are the secret envy of 22-year-olds everywhere. My Lady Wonder Wench is an excellent example of this. She has a turbo charged body, and she knows how to use a little black lace, a touch of musky perfume, and a silky smile…she has enough common sense for both of us…and she uses lots of real onions when she makes a world class tuna fish salad. 22-year-olds are simply not ripe enough to have fully developed these skills and talents. Louie-Louie ladies are even worldly enough to get a kick out of being called “girls.” I like Louie-Louie ladies… sometimes better than they like themselves.

Louie-Louie ladies too often let themselves get conned by fashion designers into thinking that broom stick figures are sexy. Wrong, ladies. Every Louie-Louie guy I know likes a girl who is “Broad, where a broad should be broad.” Now… before the “Forces For Good In The Community” (F.F.G.I.T.C.) come unglued because I said that…please remember that’s a line from one of the greatest Broadway shows of all time…South Pacific.

The F.F.G.I.T.C. ought to rent a DVD of that show. They won’t, but they should. It might help them understand why Big Louie…his own bad self… always says, “It’s not important that you see things my way…but it’s very important that you keep on looking.” And speaking of looking, Big Louie wants you Louie-Louie ladies to know he thinks most of you are looking….goooood.

And you 22-year-olds…keep working at it. Some of you show great promise.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at

1- Why are birds REALLY monogamous?

2- How do we know that female Cheetahs sleep around?

3- Why does Big Louie…his own bad self… always say, “Don’t go backwards?”


3 – right – Clunker Captain

2 – right – Corvette Commodore

1 – right – Bleary Biker

0 – right – Weary Walker

I can’t tell you how many friends from the radio business are telling me that “the fun is gone.” One guy wrote this week: “…The fun has rapidly left the industry. I feel like I’m riding in the Hindenburg. Oh, the humanity. Ugh.”

Kinda hurts. Because I really loved the broadcasting business…most of the time. And these guys are friends…and talented people. There are, or were, similarities between the radio business and the business of baseball. You started in the minor leagues…small towns… and worked your way up. If you were lucky, you made a living. If you were very lucky, you made a good living. And if you made it to the big leagues…you were in “the show.” And some guys in “the show” got rich. But it wasn’t about the money. It was about the “humanity”… the game, and the team, and getting girls.

When I was at WNBC in New York, NBC Radio, like all broadcasters, was allowed to own a maximum of six stations. Then de-regulation hit…and some broadcasters bought literally thousands of stations. The reason was that by owning several stations in a major market, they could sew up various programming and ratings niches, without having to worry about competition…because there wouldn’t be any competition…because they wouldn’t compete against themselves. Since there was no competition, the programming became simple “cookie cutter” formatics… which made the creativity of the on air people less and less important. In fact, many stations save money now by firing most of the local air staff and running “tracks” recorded by announcers from other company stations. It has become more and more about business… and less and less about the “humanity”…the game, the team, and the girls.

The guy who made that famous “Oh, the humanity” comment when the Hindenburg went up in flames was a WOR New York newsman… who was fired for “bringing personality into a news broadcast.” Immediate personality is the one element a PodCast can’t produce. Yet. That’ll get fixed eventually. I don’t know what will happen to PodCasts when that happens. There’ll probably be lots of ways to turn them into “a more business like process.” But I’ll worry about that then. In the meantime…I’m really having fun with the “humanity” …the Louie-Louie game…the Louie-Louie team…and the Louie-Louie girls.

I hope you’ll listen…and have some fun too.

To listen to the current PodCast, just click here.   To drop me a note it’s