Proud PodProgram participant Jim King sent this about last weekâ€™s Connection:
One thing I would like to hear is more subject matter on guys as they age, get to the Old Goats era which many of us are approaching. Of course, that includes more than women (though nothing wrong with including them!!). Our (mens’) fears, hopes, our reflecting back upon our lives, what may have been, should have been, could have been. The friends we’ve had, places we’ve been, and the experiences we’ve had.
Jim is a member of the “Louie-Louie Generation.” If you too remember record hops, “rubbers,” and Micro-Minis, you are also a member of the “Louie-Louie Generation.” As I mentioned in last weekâ€™s PodProgram, I mcâ€™d a lot of record hops during my Boston radio days. And “Louie-Louie” by the Kingsmen was my secret weapon. Any time the kids stopped dancing, I hauled it out and played it again. “Louie-Louie” was the perfect guyâ€™s dance. No complicated steps, and it gave you a chance to dance close to the girlâ€™s ear and softy sing your version of the words, which “everybody knew” were dirty. That was before political correctness, which means it was ok to like sex. Guys had something to hope for in those days. Thatâ€™s why we always made sure we had a little round circle of rolled up latex that we called a “rubber” showing through the leather of our wallets. Hope sprang eternal for the members of the “Louie-Louie Generation.”
Iâ€™m hanging on to that “Louie-Louie Generation” hope. Thatâ€™s why I made my “Crush Cynicism” New Yearâ€™s Resolution. Cynicism sucks, and I just donâ€™t want it sucking the smiles out of my life. Thatâ€™s been happening to some of my friends whose bodies are also well past the break in period. Where once we had a six pack of abs, our mid sections are now made of Twinkies. Itâ€™s our own fault, of course. My buddy Al had some blood tests done last week, and his blood looked like the run off of a McDonaldâ€™s grill. There was so much grease and oil in there that I told him he should seriously consider joining OPEC.
I have some experience with this weird time of life stuff now…finding yourself in the middle of a room and wondering, “Who am I and what am I doing here?” Getting down on the floor to do some push ups, and pushing…and having Mr. Floor totally ignore you. Finding yourself saying, “What?” a lot. If youâ€™ve been there, done that, itâ€™s ok. It can be a serious head problem, but there is still hope. And Iâ€™ll tell you about it in this weekâ€™s PodProgram. But if you donâ€™t want to go there, hereâ€™s the point in a nutshell: “The most serious problems can be solved by the silliest solutions.”
But serious and silly arenâ€™t the same as stupid. When you do something really stupid, youâ€™ve got to take immediate control. Cats do it well. When a cat does something really dumb, he looks at you like heâ€™s saying “I meant to do that. And you just wouldnâ€™t understand if I took the time to explain.” Then he just pauses, shakes himself, licks some convenient part of his body for a while, and walks away. Donâ€™t try that licking part unless you either look like George Clooney, or your wallet looks like Donald Trumpâ€™s…with the latex circle showing.Cynics are chicken. They donâ€™t want anything to do with hope. They just want a sure thing. And thereâ€™s never a guarantee when hope is involved. If there were a guarantee, thereâ€™d be nothing to hope for. Thatâ€™s the reason cynics arenâ€™t sexy. Iâ€™m not talking about “slam, bam, thank you maâ€™am,” Iâ€™m talking about slow sliding, wet black lace, sweaty stripper, lap dance sexy. In case you didnâ€™t know, they arenâ€™t absolutely sure things either. Lots of things can go wrong…especially if your body isÂ a member of the Louie-Louie Generation. But youâ€™ve gotta have hope. Cynics donâ€™t want anything to do with hope. They think sex is sloppy and dirty, and it can be dangerous, probably sinful, and generally a troublesome waste of time. I agree. But I figure somebody has to do it, and it might as well be me.Thereâ€™s no question that those of us who are members of the “Louie-Louie Generation” get our share of smacks on the side of the head. Youâ€™ve got to stand four feet away from the mirror when you shave. And when you see that guy looking back, you know you are who youâ€™re going to be. In my case, no potential “Tonight Show” host. No New York Mets center fielder. Not even the next Howard Stern.
It happened so fast. Just when I figured I was getting my head together, my muscles fell off. Last year my doctor said “I think you should have a stress test so I can save your life.” I said ok. The first thing he did was give me a form to sign that said essentially that this life saving test could kill me, but Iâ€™m holding everybody in sight blameless. Then he started the treadmill; every few minutes the speed and the angle went up. Now I do pushups and ride a bike every day, so I was sweating pretty good, but I was keeping up. So I asked the doctor whatâ€™s the record for this thing. He said 27 minutes. So I put my head down and got into it. But when I hit 17 minutes HE STOPPED THE DAMN THING. I said…WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? And he said it. The thing I HATE. He said “You did very well FOR A GUY YOUR AGE.”
But Iâ€™m determined to maintain my “Louie-Louie Generation” hope. Crush cynicism. And so far, just when Iâ€™m beginning to slip into surly mode, something good happens. A few days ago, I took little Emily and her jelly beans for her first flight in a small plane, and what a blast that was. Besides crushing the cynicism, it reminded me of a very important lesson. Itâ€™s in this weekâ€™s PodProgram, if youâ€™re curious.
And better yet, last night my Lady Wonder Wench came walking into my den wearing a (very) little black stringy item she called “something a little more comfortable,” and my eyebrows started twitching, I pulled in my belly, and started strutting around like I did when I was 21. (And donâ€™t think thatâ€™s not a miracle with my knees.) And this time stuff didnâ€™t go wrong…my reward for hanging on to hope. No hope, no hope of love. No hope of love, no Lady Wonder Wench dressed in some very comfortable little black stringy thing.
DICKâ€™S DETAILS QUIZ – All the answers are in this weekâ€™s PodProgram.
1- How did the guy on the $20 bill, President Andrew Jackson, get to be a big shot ?
2- What fruit has half of the same genes as Catherine Zeta Jones ?
3- Why are rhinos bald ?
Scoring – Youâ€™re a match for:
3 right – Clint Eastwood.
2 right – Jack Nicholson.
1 right – Woody Allen.
0 right – Ronald McDonald.
So what have we learned ?Â Here’s what I learned: Cynics just arenâ€™t sexy. Ever. Sometimes the best way to solve a serious problem is with a silly solution. And if youâ€™re around my age and your life needs a boost, go get a copy of “Louie-Louie.” Itâ€™ll make you feel like dancing again. What did you learn ? Drop me an e-mail at email@example.comÂ . Or if you prefer, just click under this blog where it saysÂ ”comments”, do a bit of quick addition (to keep spammers out) and letÂ ’er rip. Â