The Dick Summer (re) Connection – Chapter 17
Clint Eastwood understands that guys want to become disc jockeys to get girls. That’s why he loved starring in and directing “Play Misty For Me” all those years ago. If you’re too young to remember, Jessica Walter was the young lovely, purring on the phone… “Dave, please play Misty for me.” Every time the request line rings (it doesn’t actually ring, it lights up), every disc jockey I’ve ever known gets a quick vision of a scantily clad young lovely, slowly flexing her long, tapered legs and licking her lips, just waiting to breathe her request into his ear. There is no other reason for becoming a disc jockey. Especially a late night disc jockey. And the amazing thing is that often the vision is reasonably accurate. Not always, but more often than you think.
There are around seven million women in New York City. The temptation level for a guy on the air at WNBC was somewhere between steam and stun. That’s one reason I was glad that my lady Wonder Wench often came to the studio with me. Her presence helped hold the hormones in check.
But it was while I was doing the midday show at WPIX that the biggest telephone temptation came dangling out of the phone. And it was from a guy named Al. Al Goldstein was the publisher of a magazine called “Screw.” It was not a trade journal for carpenters. Al also produced a local access cable tv show called “Midnight Blue.” It was on at midnight, and it was very blue. For some reason, Mr. Goldstein thought it might be an interesting idea to have a locally known disc jockey star in his next “Midnight Movie.”
I am not often at a loss for words on the phone. But come on…walk a moment in my hormones. Unfortunately, Wonder Wench wasn’t in the studio, and so I had nothing to look at to keep my attention where it belongs…which was anywhere that Al wasn’t. I said something that sounded like “Gezornenplatz,”. Al said “gesundheit.” Then he said something about a blonde, a brunette, a redhead and me. All at once … just as a song was ending. There were a couple of live spots and a jingle that had to get on the air. And I had to do them. They were business…a familiar pattern in a mind gone goofy-ly gynecological. I won’t lie. I was slightly tempted. But as soon as I replaced my eyeballs in their respective sockets, returned my tongue to its accustomed place between my teeth, and regained some control of one of my lungs, I did the commercials, played the jingle, and thought of an answer for Al. I think I said something like “Thank you thank you thank you thank you, no, but thank you thank you thank you thank you so very much. I honestly didn’t think Wonder Wench would have understood. So much for Peter North envy. (He’s today’s top male porn performer. His neighbors say on his way to work, he is usually heard singing, “There’s no business like show business.”)
There’s a difference between pornography and sexy. Too many people forget that. Some people say the biggest difference is good lighting. I think the biggest difference is that pornography looks like it hurts, and sexy looks like it feels good. Pornography actually does get boring after a while. (A couple of days ?) But sexy is always sexy. Woody Allen said “sex is only dirty when it’s done right.” Woody is on to something there. But don’t ever tell me that a beautiful picture of a sexy woman is “dirty.” That’s just stupid. It’s also an insult to the Creator who really out did Himself when He designed women. “Dirty” exists only in the mind of someone who would want to hurt such a graceful creature. Or someone who is afraid of her.
But the power of “sexy” is simply overwhelming. This week’s PodProgram is about people’s reaction to the “Love Comes When You Least Expect It” Personal Audio CD. It involves two pilots and a woman. And the comments you made about the story, and the confessions you made about your own life experiences, are just extraordinary. Is it “sexy” that makes someone become “The Other Woman?” Is it “sexy” that makes men stray ? Well, yes…and no. Left click here and give it a listen.
On the other hand, if you define the word pornographic as something that looks like it hurts, you could use it to describe wars, bigotry, and high fashion models. And I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to apply it to today’s political advertising. It is no longer about how good your candidate is; it’s about how much you can hurt the other guy’s reputation. That’s not a mistake. Both major parties have told their candidates that they must use negative advertising. I’d call that pornographic.
I have a small advertising agency, and one of my clients is running for office. Some of the advertising “talking points” the party wants him to use are just beyond belief. “Look into the other guy’s driving record” is one idea. “Who cuts his lawn…does he hire an illegal to do that?” is another. “Any relatives-friends-business associates who have any connection with any unusual organizations ?” That’s pornographic. And disgusting. Besides smearing the reputations of everyone who runs for political office, it completely ignores any reasonable discussion of the issues we desperately need to work out among ourselves. It’s not a new development. One guy running for congress in a rural area in Georgia once accused his opponent of “having a sister who is a thespian in New York.” And how many of the present crop of wannabees likes to accuse their opponents of being “intellectually elite.”? (Funny, I always thought being smart was a good thing.) And what the hell is a “leftist leaning liberal” besides being a clever use of alliteration. That’s pornographic. Lady Liberty relieving herself naked in Hustler. Razor blades in Halloween candy. Pedophiles in the Cathedral.
Clint Eastwood the D.J. was fun. But where’s Dirty Harry when we need him.