Dick-ette – October 21
86.5% of the guys who have commented on the “woman with kids” poll are saying positive things about the relationship. “It’s tough, but she’s worth it, and so are the kids” is the general consensus. The exceptions have to do with teen age kids. Will keep you updated. The question comes from the last blog, and the podcast at www.dicksummer.com/podcast/latest .
You did a cast about step parents, and you had an anonymous reply about package deals, well, that was my dad…he’s actually my step dad, but when you are a self centered, hormone raging 10 year old who wants what she wants, when she wants it,and at that stage in her life, that man who has been there for her, remains to be introduced as “her mothers husband”. Until such time, when that little girl turns 16…she tells him that she has been without a father for 14 years, she doesn’t need one now…..then the tears start…Not from her, but from him. She doesn’t’ want to listen to the fact that when he agreed to marry her mother, he accepted her as well, and not only loves her mom, but also her. Nope, she wanted nothing to do with it. The girl turns 18, she graduated high school and who was there? That man. The one who has been there this whole time. they have a falling out, and she moves out. Still not caring about anything or anyone but herself until one day. She’s 19 now, and has to tell her mom a very important thing…she’s pregnant. Still, she doesn’t care what he has to say, but secretly she listens and holds on to every word. As the pregnancy goes on, she asks him if he would be there in the delivery room with her, he gladly accepted. It took this girl another 5 years to apologize to that man for the way she used to treat him. She was 8 1/2 months pregnant with her 3rd child, and she went to visit her mom and step-dad out in Washington State. They sat, they cried, they talked like a daughter would to her daddy. From that point on, he has been referred to has her dad. period.
In case you haven’t figured it out, that self centered little girl was me. It took me a long time to come around, and I am glad I did. I have step children, and when I deal with the “ex”, I just try and remember what my dad did for me. Be there, support your partner. I love my future step children like my own, and I hope that I can be the type of step parent that my dad was for me.
Some advice from a step-kid, and step-mom…..to all the others out there in the same situation…..BE THERE FOR THEM. LOVE THEM LIKE THEY WERE YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, AND STAND BY THEM. SUPPORT THEM TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES.
I love my mom, and my dad. If it wasn’t for them, who knows where I would be right now, or what type of person I would have grown up to be. Thanks for everything.
Sincerely,
Hannah Renaud
Hannah, you are one of the fortunate ones who realized the truth before it was too late. Far too often, people in similar situations don’t have the light dawn on them until they are sitting in the funeral home next to the casket where dear step-dad or step-mom is lying.
No one should be pre-judged just because they fell in love with your biological parent. There are far worse things in life than getting a step-parent. Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one as Dr. Phil would say. Children have to give step-parents a chance. The new adult knows that they aren’t there to replace your real mother/father. Unfortunately, many children do not. The anger of your biological parents having broken up is a difficult thing to overcome. It’s not unusual for the child to resent everything associated with a new step-parent. You were apparently a classic example.
I applaud you for having the fortitude to write your comment. It takes a very big person to admit that they have been wrong. Congratulations on your revelation.
And a big thanks to Dick for quoting this in his blog. It would have otherwise slipped between the cracks.
Jack